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Mutanatia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 297
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 Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:00 pm Post subject: Doing a delicate dance...not sure how to proceed |
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Okay, well this is how things stand right now:
KEY for the sentences, in case you get lost:
Grandma = F
Grandma's Aide = B
My mom = P
my dad = G
1) My grandma's (F's) Aide (B) has been lying to my grandma, saying she walks when in fact she parks her car diagonally in the parking lot so that this way F can't see her car.
2) B is, as an aide, required to do errands. The convience of B saying she walks is twofold: a) SHe doesn't have to leave the house, and b) This enables B to be lazy, something I've always suspected. I have mentioned this to my mom.
3) B treats me like the hired help, when in fact she is the hired help. I have mentioned this to my mom.
4) P is thinking about replacing B as an aide
5) My dad, G, is frazzled about how rudely F treats the rest of her family--as though WE are the hired help. He is, naturally, reluctant to change aides because of upsetting the apple cart, so to speak.
6) B and myself do not get along
ADDITIONALLY:
7) F gets long with B as though she is family
 F hates P for whatever reason, so there's constantly a sort of feud. I have figured out how to navigate this part: by telling P what F did to make my visit miserable. :-p
My question is: Should I have mentioned 2) and 3) to my mom? I would feel horribly guilty if B were to be replaced because of me. Additonally, how should I proceed from here on out? Just remain quiet about it, or...? |
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patternist
can dish it out, but cannot take it
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1005
Location: Flori-duh
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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Does F take walks? I say, take F out for a walk, and point out B's car.
Failing that, I would suggest rethinking things, and ask yourself this question:
If no one else is around, do I trust F with B?
If the answer is no, and the "why" is reasonable, talk about it.
You should never jump to conclusions or make unfair accusations, but this seems pretty concrete. I'm going to assume you know for a fact that B has a car, and is stating i plain terms that she does not. You should not feel guilty for mentioning B's LYING to your mother, the person who hired her. Lying to your employer is never kosher. Ever. It is B who should feel guilty, as B is the person who is lying. Not you. |
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patternist
can dish it out, but cannot take it
Joined: Jul 29, 2008
Age: 35
Posts: 1005
Location: Flori-duh
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:07 pm Post subject: |
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| BTW, I really liked your "key". |
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Mutanatia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 297
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| patternist wrote: | | Does F take walks? I say, take F out for a walk, and point out B's car. |
No, she doesn't. She is walker-bound, inside. B allegedly hides this, and F constantly mentions how B walks two+ miles to work. I see her car every day. UNLESS! Of course, B only walks *some* days...should I ask F for clarification before doing anything else?
| Quote: | Failing that, I would suggest rethinking things, and ask yourself this question:
If no one else is around, do I trust F with B?
If the answer is no, and the "why" is reasonable, talk about it. |
It's more of a "Do I trust B with F?" The answer is yes, for the most part. The problem is that this problem is compounded by the fact that F believes that aides can't be arsed around to do anything. And there's another, strange thing as well: B gives F the newspaper. The only problem is it has ONLY the stories that B *thinks* F would find interesting. I find this to be odd, and my mom finds this to be controlling.
| Quote: | | You should never jump to conclusions or make unfair accusations, but this seems pretty concrete. I'm going to assume you know for a fact that B has a car, and is stating in plain terms that she does not. |
It more of a...she claims not to DRIVE the car to F's house.
| Quote: | | You should not feel guilty for mentioning B's LYING to your mother, the person who hired her. Lying to your employer is never kosher. Ever. It is B who should feel guilty, as B is the person who is lying. Not you. |
The problem is, then, of how to proceed when talking to P about F/B? |
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traveller011212
Velociraptor
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 400
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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I would say that you have done the right thing. Do not visit Grandma for any sort of extended period of time in the future. You should not even treat the hired help as hired help.
One thing you can do is report B to his or her agency directly. Not only will he/ she be justly replaced, but he/ she will not be allowed to repeat this sort of behavior. |
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Mutanatia
Toucan
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 297
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| Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| traveller011212 wrote: | | I would say that you have done the right thing. Do not visit Grandma for any sort of extended period of time in the future. You should not even treat the hired help as hired help. |
She's within walking distance, and I usually go on a Tuesday, when B is not around.
| Quote: | | One thing you can do is report B to his or her agency directly. Not only will he/ she be justly replaced, but he/ she will not be allowed to repeat this sort of behavior. |
My problem here is...sometimes my grandma makes things up, or we can't trust her exactly either. Personally, I think she makes things up just to get a rise out of us sometimes. This may or may not be one of the cases...and as for reporting her, she doesn't really work for anyone but herself.
Before I proceed with anything, do you think I should get a clarification from my grandma in terms of what this "walking" is? I can call her tomorrow and ask, before I know that B will arrive. This way, I have the full story, and can at least figure out a better means of proceeding?
EDIT: G told me not to interfere, but to get clarification anyways. |
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