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epibat
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 16, 2009
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 6:27 pm Post subject: A child in an adult world |
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I'm very new here.
Please can anyone relate to my feeling that "I just don't belong in the adult world"? I'm 50 years old and I feel like a child, trying to play adult games in an adult world. Adult decision scare me. Other adults always seem so much more "with it", so much more competent, that I do, even though I'm quite highly educated. I often wonder where these "real" adults learned to be so adult! Examples: I feel as though my son's teachers are like my teachers, whenever I attend parents' evenings; I feel out of my depth when dealing with 'grown up' issues like buying a new car or discussing my finances; if I were to introduce a work colleague to my wife, I might feel as though I were a child sitting among two adults. It's sll as though I've never really grown up.
Background - I've only recently realised, through internet research, the extent to which I exhibit aspie behaviours. These include...
- Very esoteric and exclusive interests;
- Build-ups frustration and outbursts of anger, usually over minutiae;
- Getting stressed out because of an overload of information - I always try to master all the details of things, (e.g. getting obsessed with the need to learn which keys fit which cupboards and cabinets in the office where I have just started working, and getting wound up because it's too much to learn by rote) instead of being satisfied with a general understanding;
- Perfectionsm - overly high expectations placed by me on myself;
- A tendency to make "black or white" judgements about people;
- Boring people with a monologue rather than engaging in a two-way conversation;
- General lack of interest in other people's interests and lives;
- A history of limerence, i.e. romantic infatuations with people (or rather with my idealisations of those people).
So can anywone relate to my "child in and adult body" syndrome?! Is this characteristic of aspies too?
I'd really appreciate any information. |
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leejosepho
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 59
Posts: 660
Location: 100 miles east of Chicago
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 6:47 pm Post subject: Re: A child in an adult world |
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Welcome, Epibat, and I can relate to everything you have shared.
I can specifically recall sitting in a civics class in High School (circa 1967) where a teacher was talking about learning how to be an informed voter and how to file tax returns and do various other adult things, and I was mortified. Before then, I had always just assumed adulthood would include automatically knowing how to do all the necessary stuff ... but yes, I also "feel like a child, trying to play adult games in an adult world."
I have only been here on WrongPlanet for a few weeks, and I do not know how typical our "'child in and adult body' syndrome" is among everyone here. However, I suspect there are others, and I know you are now in good company either way!
Again, welcome!
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended right here on WrongPlanet. |
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EnglishInvader
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 305
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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You drive a car and you have children so you already have two things that are associated with adulthood (I don't drive and I've never even kissed a girl let alone impregnated one!).
_________________
"Haven't you got a gnome to go to?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBsUjGGkbSk |
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 8635
Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon)
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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Those things don't make you a child.
I still need my mom to help me with things and that's okay. She helped me with my wedding because it was too stressful. I am hoping I won't need her as much when I get older because she won't be here forever and my husband isn't much help. She may live over 500 miles away but I have a cell phone and she tells me what to do when I need her help.
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I'm a Peach
I like the high ones |
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EnglishInvader
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 305
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | Those things don't make you a child.
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They don't make me an adult.
_________________
"Haven't you got a gnome to go to?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBsUjGGkbSk |
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 8635
Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon)
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:59 pm Post subject: |
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| EnglishInvader wrote: | | Spokane_Girl wrote: | Those things don't make you a child.
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They don't make me an adult. |
Why?
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I'm a Peach
I like the high ones |
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Willard
Suicide Mohel
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 1529
Location: CSA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:00 pm Post subject: Re: A child in an adult world |
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| epibat wrote: | | Other adults always seem so much more "with it", so much more competent, that I do, even though I'm quite highly educated. |
I live in constant fear of how I will manage when my parents are gone. All my life, every time I've had a car problem, I took it to my dad - I can barely change a flat by myself.
Though I managed a 'career' of sorts from 15 through 45, if I hadn't had my family to help me out from time to time, I'd have gone under financially a dozen times over. All this while watching my baby sister and her husband pursue yuppie careers, build beautiful homes, buy new cars every year and send three kids to college. 
I know exactly what you're talking about. I know I'm not stupid, at least in any intellectual sense - most of the people I know actually defer to my intelligence. But when it comes to functioning in the adult world, I have a sort of retardation that makes it all seem a big grownup mystery that I just don't have the capacity to understand. Thank God for SSDI or I'd eventually end up homeless and commit suicide.
An old girlfriend once called me emotionally retarded - little did she or I know, she wasn't off by much. Its just not emotionally based - its a social handicap, not just in terms of interpersonal intimacy, but across the big picture as well. At a complete loss as to how to appropriately interact and function in the company of all the enigmatic creatures who operate which such alacrity and confidence in this world. 
Smug buggers. 
_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out."
- Bill Hicks |
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leejosepho
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 59
Posts: 660
Location: 100 miles east of Chicago
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:35 pm Post subject: Re: A child in an adult world |
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| Willard wrote: | | At a complete loss as to how to appropriately interact and function in the company of all the enigmatic creatures who operate which such alacrity and confidence in this world. |
Yes. I used to call myself an emotional cripple, but now I know that is more of a mere symptom than the actual crux of my AS/HFA. I *look* like an adult and I am talented and I have mechanically "learned to do" some adult things like work and try to keep my bills paid, but I actually *feel* much more like the face we all saw when "Blaster" lost his helmet in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome".
I used to be really self-conscious about all of this and I was greatly afraid of being found out, but now I no longer give a rat's patootie about what people think. In fact, I sometimes think out loud *for* them and say things like, "Oh yeah, and just never mind when I go off into telling you far more than you might ever even want to think about possibly hearing about ...", then just smile on one side of my face and walk away. But, I do not recommend that for everyone, and especially not for people who learn about their AS/HFA while still young enough to benefit from some coaching.
My mother died about a year ago, Willard, my dad is in his 80s and I know your feeling of concern about how we might do without them. I got a few thousand dollars from my mother's estate and I still have my old school bus ...
Just drop me a line if you need someone to stop by and pick you up some day!
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended right here on WrongPlanet. |
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EnglishInvader
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 305
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | EnglishInvader wrote: | | Spokane_Girl wrote: | Those things don't make you a child.
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They don't make me an adult. |
Why? |
A Driving Licence is regarded as a hallmark of adulthood. It demonstrates that you are mature enough to rise above your personal feelings and be responsible for the behaviour of other people besides yourself. (I get into a strop at the slightest provocation!)
Parenthood is this responsibility raised to the nth power. You have to sacrifice every aspect of your life in favour of your child's welfare. Your life will always come secondary to that of your child. (I could never make this sacrifice).
_________________
"Haven't you got a gnome to go to?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBsUjGGkbSk |
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leejosepho
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 59
Posts: 660
Location: 100 miles east of Chicago
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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| EnglishInvader wrote: | | Parenthood is this responsibility raised to the nth power. You have to sacrifice every aspect of your life in favour of your child's welfare. Your life will always come secondary to that of your child. (I could never make this sacrifice). |
Whew. I got married and became a parent without having even the slightest clue that was either necessary or expected, and now I have two estranged daughters in their 30s who cannot comprehend the fact they have a child-dad.
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended right here on WrongPlanet. |
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Tollorin
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 15, 2009
Age: 27
Posts: 233
Location: Sherbrooke,Québec, Canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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| EnglishInvader wrote: | | You drive a car and you have children so you already have two things that are associated with adulthood (I don't drive and I've never even kissed a girl let alone impregnated one!). |
Glad I'm not the only one...
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La guerre la guerre, c'est pas une raison pour se faire mal.
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ottorocketforever
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 29, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel like a teenager trapped in an adult's body sometimes. I just don't talk well with other adults a lot of times, I feel comfortable around younger people. |
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Aimless
the cat says "meh"
Joined: Apr 02, 2009
Posts: 2030
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I am also glad I'm not the only one. This feels particularly weird when the people who have surpassed me are the ones I used to play peek-a-boo with. I think I've learned a lot about how not to drive myself crazy but in the actual mechanics of adulthood I am still a child. I can see the way people respond to me at IEP's etc. when I am representing myself as a parent. |
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CTBill
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 18, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 381
Location: Connecticut, USA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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I can function pretty much independently now (although I couldn't until I was 28 y.o.).
But I still feel that my tenuous grasp on the world may collapse at any time.
What shall happen to me then is yet indeterminate. I had decided upon suicide in that event, but maybe living in a "home" wouldn't be so bad, as long as it had an elevator that I could operate. 
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"Nervous?"
"Yes."
"First time?"
"No, I've been nervous lots of times."
--Airplane! |
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jc6chan
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 22, 2009
Age: 19
Posts: 154
Location: Waterloo, ON
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| Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel like a kid and I'm 19 |
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