 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
ToadOfSteel
Unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4911
Location: New Jersey
|
 Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 1:52 am Post subject: |
 |
|
| billsmithglendale wrote: | | If you can escape this kind of thing, consider yourself lucky. And maybe it's a good thing that you aren't so superficial, since your standards include liking them as a person and not just jumping at the first pretty girl you see. |
But it does make me wonder... If limerance is so prevalent among humans, does it serve some evolutionary advantage? Dating (at least in the real sense of dating as opposed to two people going out to dinner) requires attraction to work, and because I'm practically impervious to limerance, I can't date women until I get to know them and the real attraction starts to develop, long after the women have already written me off as "not attracted" to them...
There were times in the past where I was subject to limerance, and I've experienced some bad bouts of it... but it's nothing compared to the loneliness...
_________________
My life: Making "your best" not good enough since 1988 |
|
| Back to top |
|
makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 4737
Location: Transitional
|
| Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 4:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
Playing Devil's Advocate, would it perhaps make sense that limerence serves a function? Perhaps, as I have oft heard parents joke that it is a good thing that kids are cute, this state allows for a suspension of conflict where one sees the other person in a gilded light?
M.
_________________
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Wrong Planet Moderator |
|
| Back to top |
|
billsmithglendale
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2008
Posts: 643
|
| Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 12:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| makuranososhi wrote: | Playing Devil's Advocate, would it perhaps make sense that limerence serves a function? Perhaps, as I have oft heard parents joke that it is a good thing that kids are cute, this state allows for a suspension of conflict where one sees the other person in a gilded light?
M. |
Well, in the case of the person I like, it does, in the cosmetic way that even though she seems to not do a great job at work, or even be very into her job (or interact with people well), clearly some of us guys here find her attractive. I probably find her the most attractive out of everyone (from what I hear), but she is in good shape and is still in theory able to bear children (though this is receding fast) and be a mother/wife. |
|
| Back to top |
|
makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 4737
Location: Transitional
|
| Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 1:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| billsmithglendale wrote: | | makuranososhi wrote: | Playing Devil's Advocate, would it perhaps make sense that limerence serves a function? Perhaps, as I have oft heard parents joke that it is a good thing that kids are cute, this state allows for a suspension of conflict where one sees the other person in a gilded light?
M. |
Well, in the case of the person I like, it does, in the cosmetic way that even though she seems to not do a great job at work, or even be very into her job (or interact with people well), clearly some of us guys here find her attractive. I probably find her the most attractive out of everyone (from what I hear), but she is in good shape and is still in theory able to bear children (though this is receding fast) and be a mother/wife. |
Interesting; thank you for sharing.
M.
_________________
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Wrong Planet Moderator |
|
| Back to top |
|
MizLiz
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 671
Location: USA
|
| Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 2:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I've read that it overlaps with OCD which tends to overlap with ASDs... so maybe we're more susceptible? |
|
| Back to top |
|
billsmithglendale
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 18, 2008
Posts: 643
|
| Posted: Fri May 01, 2009 3:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MizLiz wrote: | | I've read that it overlaps with OCD which tends to overlap with ASDs... so maybe we're more susceptible? |
I think for sure -- prior to my first GF, I would definitely obsess (to the point of almost stalking, though without ever contacting the person or wanting my presence to be known) girls that I found beautiful. After my first GF in my senior year of high school, my tastes shifted dramatically and exclusively to one ethnicity. Now, I can pretty much not obsess about most pretty women, but there's always someone from that one ethnicity that seems to catch my eye and my imagination.
I think in a way it has to do with th Autism spectrum thing about collecting and cataloging. |
|
| Back to top |
|
CJBinks
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 01, 2008
Posts: 311
|
| Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 2:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | billsmithglendale wrote: | | Limerence is a b*tch. I always seem to get it, even when I'm happily in a relationship (or happily married). There will always be at least one person I start to focus on too much and who, against my better judgment or wishes, start to crush on intensely. Maybe this is an Aspie thing. |
I don't get feelings of limerence that much... but then again, I'm physically incapable of feeling attraction of any kind to a woman I don't know... Maybe limerence is a necessary trait to actually building relationships? Because I can't feel it, I can't go on dates with women I'm not attracted to (at least without appearing incredibly awkward, even by aspie standards), and by the time I do feel attracted, the window of opportunity has already passed... |
Well. toad, limerance doesn't wait. At least the one time it happened to me. I had more or less resigned myself to being asexual. I found women attractive, but it was in a sort of unfocused way. Heck, I even got infatuated with some. Still, it was the Aspie male lament of never even had held hands, much less kissed...
But, I still remember the moment a woman I will call Ell walked through the door, nearly 30 years ago. I lost my soul in that moment as my life immediately bifurcated into pre-Ell and post-Ell. I never regretted the fact that 'flirting' was just a word in the dictionary before then. The thing that really sucked was it was a massive 'do not WANT'. I had learned by that point was that I knew nothing about dealing with NTs on that level.
Still, I gamely tried.
That didn't work. I then tried ignoring it in the vain hope it would go away. No dice. Finally, I just gave up and told her. Which led to The Talk. You know, "you are a nice guy and we are great friends"...
Bummer.
So I decided that I would just be her friend. That way I'd have at least something. And it more or less worked out. Except for one time when I think she wanted me to kiss her. I don't know if I did or not. I remember thinking 'she wants me to kiss her' and the next thing I remember is standing in the hallway of my apartment wondering what had just happened. I guess I blacked out under the emotional overload. That scared me.
Anyway, we eventually lost touch. We recently got back into touch and...
Well, it hasn't gone away. Doesn't burn as hot, but it is still there.
I really, really don't need this.
Last edited by CJBinks on Sat May 02, 2009 10:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
Orbyss
Pending...
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 1175
Location: Arbitrary, NM
|
| Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 6:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Even as depressed and violently heartbroken as I am lately...
| Quote: | |
this is the best thing I've seen in a long, long time.
_________________
"So frightening to lose yourself. To lose your will to the group will. To lose yourself to the group self." |
|
| Back to top |
|
MizLiz
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 08, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 671
Location: USA
|
| Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 7:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Orbyss wrote: | Even as depressed and violently heartbroken as I am lately...
| Quote: | |
this is the best thing I've seen in a long, long time. |
Agreed. I've been so useless in love and so hideously depressed about it. I think I'll print that out and slap it next to my computer. At least I can smile and know that other people get irritated that love isn't something you can decode. It's not an equation.
I WISH people were equations! |
|
| Back to top |
|
CJBinks
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 01, 2008
Posts: 311
|
| Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 8:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I found it through this site
Aspie humor
But the xkcd site has a lot of stuff that I can identify with. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 27
Posts: 2807
Location: Wisconsin
|
| Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 4:07 am Post subject: |
|
|
CJBinks: What you describe is all too familiar.
I was recently hanging out with people which included the object of my last limerent episode.
Wow, the pains and awkward feelings came rushing back. I really want to at least just be her friend, because we could get along very well. But it's just so uncomfortable...
xkcd is an amazing comic...
_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed. |
|
| Back to top |
|
robo37
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 07, 2009
Age: 15
Posts: 307
|
| Posted: Sat May 23, 2009 1:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I have felt limerence for two people before, the first was in the year above me, for some reason she seemed very familiar but I had no idea why. Purely by coincidence her brother became one of my only friends so I got to see her more often and once she ended up standing very close to me when I went to my friend’s house due to the smallness of her brother’s room. The limerence started really kicking when she said that I looked cute when I was lining up for lunch, and I felt the same for a while after that even though I never got the chance to talk to her.
Then this other girl arrived and once when we were sitting next to these 3 lads at lunch (I was sitting next to them because 2 of them used to go to the same primary school and I didn't have any one also to sit next to and she was sitting next to them because the other guy was her cosine) her cosine jokingly said 'shag her hard' or something like that and she said that he was sick minded but then when he left she started talking to me and then started walking around with me for the whole lunch break and she kept asking me what I was going to do after school, but, still feeling limerent for that other girl, I hardly was bothered about her at all. In IT I tried to blend in with the other lads by spamming up the chatroom with them, but she insulted me because of it and in the next IT lesson, when she was getting insulted by other people in the same chatroom I started insulting her as well which resulted in insults flying everywhere between us, but if anything that helped because the day after I apologised and she started to talk to me more and said it's all right. At the moment I always seem to end up looking at her and whenever I'm alone I can’t stop thinking about her, and can't help feeling strongly Limerent towards her, even though I know nothing will ever happen between us. Sometimes I think of nothing but her and become obsessed.
_________________
-'If the brain controls the body………what controls the brain?'
--'How could have God created creativity?'
-'If existence isn’t fair, does fairness exist?'
--Can the word meaning lose its meaning?
-How can something be described as undescribable? |
|
| Back to top |
|
CrinklyCrustacean
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 23, 2009
Posts: 201
|
| Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 8:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I read that Wikipedia article, but it's a bit complicated and confusing. What's the difference between a crush and limerance? It's hard to tell from the language the writer uses. |
|
| Back to top |
|
robo37
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 07, 2009
Age: 15
Posts: 307
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:22 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| CrinklyCrustacean wrote: | | I read that Wikipedia article, but it's a bit complicated and confusing. What's the difference between a crush and limerance? It's hard to tell from the language the writer uses. |
Limerence is a lot stronger. If you're feeling limerent towards someone then that person is basically your obsession because you'll be thinking about them most of the time. If you're feeling limerence you normally get a load of fantasies about someone.
_________________
-'If the brain controls the body………what controls the brain?'
--'How could have God created creativity?'
-'If existence isn’t fair, does fairness exist?'
--Can the word meaning lose its meaning?
-How can something be described as undescribable? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Homer_Bob
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 06, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 674
Location: Massachusetts
|
| Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Has anyone else felt it?
I suppose I have, I never really heard of this word before but if it means having strong desires and feelings for others I've certainly had that.
How many people have you felt it towards?
It depends on the person but quiet a few. For one girl, my hormones go crazy and I go into a state of limerence every time she's around. I know she's not the one for me because her personality is not to my type but my sexual attraction towards her is over the roof and I wish those feelings would stop.
How long did you feel it for?
I've had these feelings last for years at a time. Sad, isn't it?
Did it end in a happy ending?
There's no story to tell. I've always keep my feelings about others secret and I refuse to tell a soul.
How many symptoms of it did/do you feel?
A lot. Intrusive thinking, Fear of rejection, and the physical effects.
Do you think there is a link between AS/autism and Limerence? Do you think it’s stronger for one particular gender??
I'm not sure |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
