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Eire
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 505
Location: California
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 Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:39 pm Post subject: why I keep to myself |
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One of the most important lessons I feel like I've been learning in life is to keep my mouth shut or people won't like me. Although even when I'm quiet somehow I still seem to do things wrong. I've kept myself pretty secluded lately so I don't have to deal with people, but whenever I do reach out for contact something usually goes wrong and I withdraw again.  |
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Saguaro
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 06, 2009
Age: 39
Posts: 65
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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I also keep to myself but that doesn't keep me from getting out and doing the things I want to do. I can spend time at different stores for a few hours and not say more then 3 or 4 words to people. For me it is as if they are not there. Everyone is doing their own thing anyways.  |
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alba
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2008
Posts: 927
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Eire, yes. I'm this way too. Like you, it works better when I don't say too much. Even in this forum I have problems limiting content, choosing the right words, sorting my wayward thoughts. I'm seldom brief and concise but it's something I desperately need to work on. Like a child, I get very excited about my ideas and it's nearly impossible to keep a lid on it. In the forum, people comment on how we are told that we think too much. It appears that's the way we are wired.
I'm hoping one day I'll wind down. All will be said that needs said. All will be thought that needs thought. Then I can live peacefully and not look back.
I recently reached out to someone and it ended in disaster. I didn't do anything wrong. There are a bunch of demented people out there. People you'd rather not know. Sometimes we NEED to be alone. There are things we need to learn that we can only really get into when alone. They are too deep and require too much effort. We can't really get the job done when we have to be concerned with someone else's happiness.
No one can make you happy anyway. Happiness comes from within, don't you think? When two people fall in love, it always seems like they were happy and content BEFORE they met...and then it just got better. The seed of love was planted in fertile soil. I love your avatar. |
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mosto
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 01, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 210
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Yes I have to always keep my mouth shut too |
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Hummys
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 04, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 38
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I've always kept my mouth shut and kept to myself. The problem is, now I have a really hard time talking. My voice sounds like it doesnt get used much. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 5174
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:44 am Post subject: |
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Maybe I will learn to keep my mouth shut, some day. It is such a wasted effort, when 90% of the time, I get misunderstood by somebody or other. 
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner |
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Eire
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 505
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:27 am Post subject: |
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| Saguaro wrote: | | I also keep to myself but that doesn't keep me from getting out and doing the things I want to do. I can spend time at different stores for a few hours and not say more then 3 or 4 words to people. For me it is as if they are not there. Everyone is doing their own thing anyways. |
I get out and do things sometimes. Today I rode public transportation to the mall and sat in a bookstore and read for a while before heading back home. I didn't speak at all to anyone. I enjoy riding the train, it's calming to me. Sometimes I would like to have a friend to ride with me though.
| alba wrote: | I recently reached out to someone and it ended in disaster. I didn't do anything wrong. There are a bunch of demented people out there. People you'd rather not know. Sometimes we NEED to be alone. There are things we need to learn that we can only really get into when alone. They are too deep and require too much effort. We can't really get the job done when we have to be concerned with someone else's happiness.
No one can make you happy anyway. Happiness comes from within, don't you think? When two people fall in love, it always seems like they were happy and content BEFORE they met...and then it just got better. The seed of love was planted in fertile soil. I love your avatar. |
I do find value in my time alone also, but I've had so much alone time that there comes a point where I'd like to spend more time with other people. However whenever I try I'm always soon back in my house wondering what I did wrong. Yes, I'm sure no one but myself can make me truly happy. But it's hard to find happiness within myself when people around react negatively to me. And thank you, my avatar is a scene from my favorite movie, The Secret of Roan Inish. |
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alba
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2008
Posts: 927
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:44 am Post subject: |
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I'm going to google that movie.
Well yeah, people also react negatively to me. To a lot of us. We're the continually rejected and outcast ones. We not only don't want to assimilate into the herd mentality....we can't.
The friendship I mentioned before that went sour-- I'm still shaking my head. However, we had some history...even though we barely spoke to each other. There were some unsettling elements demanding resolution. And that was my motivation for reaching out to him. Not friendship. Although I told myself it was for friendship. It was a mess. Not much was resolved.
I'm working on forgiving all the people who've ever wronged me and also asking those I've wronged to forgive me. This is through prayer or whatever. Except for my mother who I saw a few years ago and said, hey...we've got to make peace. She more or less agreed. Figured I best quit while ahead on that one. In a recent thread discussion, I was able to finish it up and forgive her 100%. It feels so good to do that.
I like my relationship life clean and tidy. If that means no relationships at all, that is preferable to a mess. After I get peace through forgiveness...I'll work on cleaning up my house. Heh.
Can you look more deeply into your relationship failures to see what happened? |
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Fickle_Pickle
Phoenix
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Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Age: 19
Posts: 907
Location: North Hollywood, California
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:54 am Post subject: |
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| Quite the opposite of me. |
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Saguaro
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 06, 2009
Age: 39
Posts: 65
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:24 am Post subject: |
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| Eire wrote: | | Saguaro wrote: | | I also keep to myself but that doesn't keep me from getting out and doing the things I want to do. I can spend time at different stores for a few hours and not say more then 3 or 4 words to people. For me it is as if they are not there. Everyone is doing their own thing anyways. |
I get out and do things sometimes. Today I rode public transportation to the mall and sat in a bookstore and read for a while before heading back home. I didn't speak at all to anyone. I enjoy riding the train, it's calming to me. Sometimes I would like to have a friend to ride with me though. |
In the past when I tried to find a friend to do things with I would always find myself feeling uneasy. (a group of people was a nightmare) Even if the person was a nice person. I realized my problem was I was always thinking of "what is appropriate to talk about" and "how should I be acting". The other problem was if I wanted to spend extra time looking at something or doing something I felt like I was wasting the friends time.
I use to put so much effort into finding a friend because that's what I see "normal" people do. When I go out to do things I am usually the only person alone. Everyone else has a friend, partner or sibling. The hardest one for me is going to a resturant alone. But I guess I have come to a personal understanding or acceptance of this.  |
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alba
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2008
Posts: 927
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:58 am Post subject: |
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| Saguaro wrote: | | The hardest one for me is going to a resturant alone. |
You can always bring a book, grab a newspaper off the counter, or write in a notebook. It feels awkward but people do it all the time. And with more wifi cafes...it's not only socially acceptable, it's the norm. The solitary creatures hiding behind their laptops are so intriguing...  |
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activebutodd
Phoenix
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Joined: May 30, 2009
Posts: 807
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:15 am Post subject: |
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| I feel like giving up and just keeping to myself permanently, I can't seem to manage people or socialising at all. |
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