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Nolan
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 15, 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 7
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 Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:40 am Post subject: Removed |
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I've removed my post. Thank you all for the advice.
Last edited by Nolan on Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:27 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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BurningMoose
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 20, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 51
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:58 am Post subject: |
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| You're not going to like what I have to say, but if you listen and swallow your pride, it'll help in the long run: You're obsessed with this girl, and being obsessed with a girl is one of the best ways to destroy any chance of turning it into anything. I mean, let's see this objectively; you are thinking about her several times a day, have known her for some time, and are not in a relationship. The fact that you are on a message board asking about how to fix it, much as this may hurt, means you are almost definitely in too deep emotionally to be attractive to her. Once chances are blown, which I think they are in this case, my best advice to you is simple but far from easy: move on. It's much easier to start something new, and do it right, than to fix something broken. |
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Nolan
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 15, 2009
Age: 23
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:02 am Post subject: |
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| Thank you. |
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TB
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 162
Location: europe
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:03 am Post subject: |
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i have had the same problem and i was to much of a chicken back then to let her know i liked her. my advice let her know you did like her and dont focus on whats going to come of it just focus on that you wont ever have regret or doubt that she didnt know how you felt. sure you can just walk away but it will torment you for a while eventually it will go away, if you are able to tell her you will grow a lot from it. also dont spill out everything it could scare her just keep it small. it could be good to tell her also you just had to say it to get it out of your head and dont expect anything from her.
i think the benefits are far greater if you just tell her so that its easier the next time you find a girl you like and you dont waste your chance. on the other hand if you dont tell her it will haunt you and the next time you like some1 you will have the same problem again.
only tell her in person if you feel at ease a bit anxiety isnt bad everyone would have it but if you feel like youre dying from anxiety its better to just do it some other way. |
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the_wife
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 30, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 54
Location: Colorado
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:36 am Post subject: |
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I will just say, as an NT in an Aspie-NT marriage, you should just tell her. I met my husband in college. Our story is very similar to what you've described here.
Sounds like you two are close enough, and I'd be willing to bet (just from your story, not knowing her side) that she already knows that you are attracted to her. She's probably just waiting for you to make the first move towards taking your relationship to the next level.
Just be honest and let her know you have AS and about some of the difficulties it presents to you, in case she's unfamiliar with AS, not as an explanation for ALL of your actions. Try not to overthink things and get too ahead of yourself - thinking about your year apart, etc., etc.
Life is short. |
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theOtherSide
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 18, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 49
Location: wish i knew
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 2:03 pm Post subject: |
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I disagree with moose. I wouldn't call this an obsession. And if it is, then it's not a bad one. Yes, many women get turned off by men that know nothing about them but are obsessed. It's obvious they are projecting some fantasy on us. This is obvious not the case in the OP's situation.
Your interest in her grew with a friendship. I don't know of any woman who would not be turned on by this. And as you have given no indication in your post that she doesn't like either your friendship or attention, than i would say what you need to do is pretty obvious.
And since you are going to part ways in a year, i would say start now. that will give some time for a relationship to run its course.
i don't think you need to go into a full disclosure that you have aspergers. Explaining specific limitations is nice -- shows your vulnerable side . Too much up front could get messy. Wait until she wants to know more. She will.
Fun stuff! Enjoy! |
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