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d057
Toucan
Joined: Nov 27, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 277
Location: Sarver, PA
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 Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:18 pm Post subject: My opinion on dating |
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I absolutely dread it when people ask the question "so have you found a girlfriend yet"? According to the social rules of high school, you have to have a girl friend and be super athletic and "cool" for people to respect you. I got angry at one of my relatives when they asked me that question, because afterwords she said to me "all other guys your age have a girlfriend". When people say things like that to me, I take it as an insult because I am unique and I'm proud of that. She was pretty much telling me that I need to try to be "normal". I also dread it when they bring this up at social skills group, because I'm not interested in dating, and I probably never will be. I don't want to be involved in the teenage drama with dating. I don't have anyone to hang out with in the damn hick-town I live in.
My friend met a girlfriend over the summer, and he spend every waking moment with her. He avoids talking to me online and in person because he is either talking to this stupid girl or her friends. I tried to talk to him on AIM a few days ago, and he signed out as soon as I greeted him. I have asked him if he wants to go out and do something, and he says "sorry, too busy." I am thinking about ending my friendship with him because of those two incidents.
Those were the reasons for why I hate it when people ask me that damn question "have you found a girlfriend yet?"
_________________
In theory, all Autistics are the same. However, in reality all Aspergians are different. We must encourage them to use their unique gifts to become a successful person, not "fix" them.
Last edited by d057 on Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:34 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Ron235
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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OMFG 2 years ago when I was 15 my cousin asked me the same question. She said "Ron you got a gf?" and I said "no" then she said "youre too damn fine to be walking around without a girlfriend"...I was insulted. My grandma asked me questions about why I dont have a gf and she said "your brother has one"....It was a visist to chicago....anyways I kept telling her about the kids who picked on me and she goes "is that all you talk about? talk about girls or something, do u talk to girls? why dont u ever talk about girs? thats something good to talk about!" I was offended and insulted. Then days later my cousin started telling me "you're probably too nice to girls arent u?" and I was like "what are you talking about?" and my little cousin who was 9 at the time, she said "you're too nice and sweet, you have to be tough!"
Idk why i was getting all this ridicule from my family but I went into a meltdown, good thing my mom was there though.
Anyways, just ignore them, even though they are your family, they can be pretty ignorant at the time. You dont have to have a girlfriend to get respected, just fight people when they disrespect you, then they'll leave you alone...that simple...just fight and tell your family to shut up |
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d057
Toucan
Joined: Nov 27, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 277
Location: Sarver, PA
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:47 pm Post subject: |
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| Ron235 wrote: | OMFG 2 years ago when I was 15 my cousin asked me the same question. She said "Ron you got a gf?" and I said "no" then she said "youre too damn fine to be walking around without a girlfriend"...I was insulted. My grandma asked me questions about why I dont have a gf and she said "your brother has one"....It was a visist to chicago....anyways I kept telling her about the kids who picked on me and she goes "is that all you talk about? talk about girls or something, do u talk to girls? why dont u ever talk about girs? thats something good to talk about!" I was offended and insulted. Then days later my cousin started telling me "you're probably too nice to girls arent u?" and I was like "what are you talking about?" and my little cousin who was 9 at the time, she said "you're too nice and sweet, you have to be tough!"
Idk why i was getting all this ridicule from my family but I went into a meltdown, good thing my mom was there though.
Anyways, just ignore them, even though they are your family, they can be pretty ignorant at the time. You dont have to have a girlfriend to get respected, just fight people when they disrespect you, then they'll leave you alone...that simple...just fight and tell your family to shut up |
I had a similar incident with a kid at my church, he asked me the same question and I said no. Then, just to be rude he asked me if I was gay. I was offended by that because I am not sure about my sexual orientation yet. I consider it very rude for someone to ask me a question about my private life, and I consider relationships a private thing.
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In theory, all Autistics are the same. However, in reality all Aspergians are different. We must encourage them to use their unique gifts to become a successful person, not "fix" them. |
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Ron235
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yea I forgot, many times in my life I have been asked if I were gay. A mexican girl asked people to ask me if I were gay or not, it was so annoying. One time a guy with a lisp...lol this is so funny because he was dumb, he failed a grade, and I couldnt understand a word he said..he was also an asshole he said "Manth, thoo you know anthy thing about gussss (girls)"...I just looked at him. A guy asked me if I were gay or not...its so annoying...
and then another guy asked me it and I told him to shut up or im going to fight him, and he left me alone....its funny because he always tried to sell me penis pills ins school..he was weird.
Just say that you're going to fight that person if they arent in your family and they are asking those questions, because theyll leave u alone after that. also dont try any of that silly witty stuff like "I know I am but what are you"...just be concrete and straight forward and say "Im going to beat the sh** out of you if you ask that again" most wont ask again no matter how big or small u are, if they do then just pop them in the face, after that people will leave u alone. |
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phil777
Phoenix
Joined: May 21, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 4803
Location: Montreal, Québec
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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| The good thing with being myself is that some people kinda "expect" me not to have one. Ha. Guess that allows me to start more on a friendly base with the females since i know there's a VERY small chance any of them would end up with me. :p |
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ToadOfSteel
Forever Alone
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 6624
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Ron235 wrote: | | Just say that you're going to fight that person if they arent in your family and they are asking those questions, because theyll leave u alone after that. also dont try any of that silly witty stuff like "I know I am but what are you"...just be concrete and straight forward and say "Im going to beat the sh** out of you if you ask that again" most wont ask again no matter how big or small u are, if they do then just pop them in the face, after that people will leave u alone. |
That tends to be counter-productive, and in my case introduced something akin to the Streisand effect, whereupon everybody was asking whether I was gay or not...
What I ended up doing when asked why I didn't have a girlfriend was the truth: women don't like me... that made people leave me alone... |
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Kaysea
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 28, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 688
Location: A Cabin in the Woods
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| Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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This one doesn't get any easier as you age. I'm 26 and the family is starting to think in terms of grandchildren. Any time that I go home to visit, that is always one of the first things they ask me. I either use the excuse "I've been too busy with work to go out" or allude to some female whom I casually met. It gets old after a while.
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--Emerson |
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crazedchef
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 320
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 2:45 am Post subject: |
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hello,
I am 41 yrs old and just lost my best friend (ok, its been coming for 8 months now) to a girl in his life. We would hang out all of the time and I could always count on this person.
He got himself a whore and now does not even have time to say "Hello."
Last draw was when he stiffed me on tickets that he had me purchase for him and the whore to The Rockstar Energy Mayhem Festival (Slayer/ Marilyn Manson) on the phone the day before the show. I loudly told him to f**k OFF !!. He is dead in my opinion.
I have done more for him than I have done for my own blood, still cannot believe he would abandon our friendship over some drugged up drunk fat whore.
Bros before hoes!!
Unfortunately I have the aspie trait of a long memory when it comes to betrayal. I never forgive and forget. I remember and get even.
crazedchef |
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Murasame
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 10, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 66
Location: Birmingham, UK
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:46 am Post subject: |
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I can relate so much to this thread.
At every family gathering I go to, the relationship status of every son, daughter, nephew, niece, cousin or grandchild is evaluated to the highest degree. As the younger members are now at the age of having long term boy/girlfriends, getting married, having kids there's always plenty for everyone else to gossip about over dinner.
Inevitably the conversation swings my way and I'm forced to try to justify the fact I'm still single. I know they're just trying to show an interest in my life, but to me it feels more like an interrogation than a conversation:
"Have you got a girlfriend yet? Why not? When are you going to get one? Next time I see you, I want to see your new girlfriend. No more excuses."
I usually just say that I'm happy enough as I am, I enjoy the freedom I get from being single and I wouldn't want to have to fit my life around anybody else. I've never mentioned AS as I'm not diagnosed yet and it would only result in a new, even more awkward line of questioning.
Also, although they've never mentioned it to my face, I'm sure some of my extended family think I'm gay and have dropped hints to this effect. I'm quite happy for them to go on thinking that if it spares me from the usual ritual of constantly having to explain myself. |
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Ron235
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:08 am Post subject: |
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Wow isn't so funny that when a guy doesnt have a gf he is gay, but when a girl doesnt have a bf she is just not ready or just picky, or hasn't chose the right one yet. But it's easier for girls to get bfs than guys to get gfs...so wouldnt that make the girl gay instead of the guy.
I mean come on. The difficulty level that men have to deal with and meet when it comes to women is rediculous. but all girls have to do is look good. No one dates a girl because of her personality, her personlity is just a plus. he may break up with her because of her personality.
If that was the case then every guy would have a gf.
So my point is is that, if women have such a easy time getting guys, then how come that homosexual question doesnt come up when she doesnt have a bf?
It makes no sense. |
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willa
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 16, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 1015
Location: between bannings.
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:26 am Post subject: |
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You just gotta not care and shrug it off.
The new thing I get now is the girlfriend plus kids speech. My closest brother's 2 little ones, 5 and 8, just stick to me like glue. So ever since a big wedding a few months back all my aunts never stop with the "when are you gonna find a nice girl to marry and have kids, you're so good with kids" and variations on that. I think the next family event i'm gonna maybe hit one, or just yell at the top of my lungs, get them to think i'm not friendly towards kids =P Maybe then i'll stop hearing the 'the kids love you, you're so good with kids, you should get married and have some"
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“It's a sad thing not to have friends, but it is even sadder not to have enemies.” - El Che |
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Ron235
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 19, 2009
Age: 24
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:29 am Post subject: |
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| o dont hit the kids...i like kids, the kids have done nothing to you. Hit the family member for continuously asking silly questions |
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phil777
Phoenix
Joined: May 21, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 4803
Location: Montreal, Québec
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:28 pm Post subject: |
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"Unfortunately I have the aspie trait of a long memory when it comes to betrayal. I never forgive and forget. I remember and get even. "
Heh chef, you might disagree with me here but i doubt all aspies have a long memory. =/ Some of us are actually quite forgetful ^^; . And uh... I guess it's not my place to say this, but revenge will only destroy you in the end... However much you'll hate the guy for doing what he did you shouldn't let it follow you throughout your life, or you won't be able to die in peace. =/
At least that's my 2 cents. |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 2735
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:57 pm Post subject: |
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| d057 wrote: | | I consider it very rude for someone to ask me a question about my private life, and I consider relationships a private thing. |
If you go through life always taking this attitude, you're going to be getting offended by a LOT of people, including anyone who actually does try to hit on you. |
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d057
Toucan
Joined: Nov 27, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 277
Location: Sarver, PA
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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| JohnHopkins wrote: | | d057 wrote: | | I consider it very rude for someone to ask me a question about my private life, and I consider relationships a private thing. |
If you go through life always taking this attitude, you're going to be getting offended by a LOT of people, including anyone who actually does try to hit on you. |
I probably never will be interested in dating, especially since the whole incident with my friend. The positive thing about being single is that your free. I like to be alone.
_________________
In theory, all Autistics are the same. However, in reality all Aspergians are different. We must encourage them to use their unique gifts to become a successful person, not "fix" them. |
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