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Ligea_Seroua
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2009
Posts: 555
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 Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:51 am Post subject: Other woman |
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Sick of it, again and again men with wives and girlfriends hit on me. Always. They're always "separated" or "it's not working". I don't have time nor sympathy for this, and why should I? It's just plain wrong. I wouldn't cheat and I wouldn't want a cheater. They are usually unpleasantly insistant, just words is bad enough, but they are nearly always a bit grabby.
Am I a magnet for this, just because it's something about me, or is it something about being female with AS?
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 14268
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 1:23 pm Post subject: Re: Other woman |
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| Ligea_Seroua wrote: | Sick of it, again and again men with wives and girlfriends hit on me. Always. They're always "separated" or "it's not working". I don't have time nor sympathy for this, and why should I? It's just plain wrong. I wouldn't cheat and I wouldn't want a cheater. They are usually unpleasantly insistant, just words is bad enough, but they are nearly always a bit grabby.
Am I a magnet for this, just because it's something about me, or is it something about being female with AS? |
30 years ago the line was 'my wife just doesn't understand me, like you do'. Well news flash, dude, your wife understands you are a cheating louse that comes onto vulnerable single women you can string along with promises of 'getting a divorce after the children are grown'.
By this I mean that it is an ancient line given by smug self satisfied men (I have no correlation that this happens for men, so I won't speculate) horny for a little action on the side. They make no emotional risk because their 'non-understanding' wives are usually very aware that their straying husbands are playing around and for financial reasons, etc. look the other way, as they know their hubbies are just playing around and it is not relationship breaking.
Somehow the idea that a man in a relationship would risk that relationship is supposed to boost a young woman's 'Cinderella' complex (that the Prince is actually coming after little ol' you to whisk you away to your appointed place as the undisguised Princess you always suspected you were) Ugh! I shudder at the waste of time and effort it all is, let alone the psychic destruction it leaves when the guy - secure in his marriage- goes onto the next set up yet unsuspecting young woman with the same fantasy.
I don't think it has anything to do with AS (other than it seems our tentitive grasp on reality makes them think we are romantically vulnerable). I mean, the ratio of AS girls/women to romantically naive neurotypicals are very small, so I just think we are not targeted, just included into their preditory pool.
(yeah, personal experience) |
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poopylungstuffing
Have Asperger's not sure if I am diagnosed or not
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 34
Posts: 6942
Location: Super Happy Fun Land, TX
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:20 am Post subject: |
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I have personal experience with this one too...it has not, by any means, happened all the time...and the one time that it has happened was with my current main partner and we have been together on and off..mostly on for over 6 years...and there was some seriously gnarly violent and out-of-balance stuff happening in his relationship with his fiancee..at the time that he started pursuing me...and we genuinely are/were very compatible with each other....
We didn't cheat, but things got really messy and It caused our subsequent relationship to be heaped with serious baggage that is/was hard to escape from..  ..Though his former partner did wind up on a path that was much more beneficial to her overall well-being for what it's worth.
I guess..if you think about it, it did have a slight Cinderella complex-ish undercurrent to it...considering I went from being an emotionally unstable, borderline alcoholic semi-dependent rooming house dweller to helping run a successful performance and arts space....
I do not, by any means condone it.....and the semi-Cinderelly part...took it's twisted downturns early on when first he sorta dumped me to try to get his old girlfriend back...then tried to fix it so he could date both of us...then tried to convince me to go poly....So...while not opposed to cheating when necc...he prefers sleeping around to not be against the rules of the relationship...and it took years before I could handle this...but now we are poly...and so on....but this does not mean that we have a bad relationship...
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Ligea_Seroua
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 16, 2009
Posts: 555
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 4:17 pm Post subject: |
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I was having a bit of a vent.
I've thought about it, and the way my AS wired brain works is that I think i can be more relaxed around men with wives, girlfriends, than maybe I am single men because they are spoken for. In my head, I lump them in the same gender irrelevant category as women, children, the very elderly and animals
Also I wouldn't cheat so obviously it doesnt cross my mind, and I don't pick on warning signals from those occasional rotten apples out there.
Other thing is, I'm sort of an assexual teenage boy in my outlook, happy to chat about music trivia, films etc, most of which are more male than female orientated. All this is in the packaging of "apparently" a very girly woman -wasn't my opinion of me, but I'm often wrong it seems.
(my theory that as I wear jeans and converse and don't flash the flesh thus negating any signs of the "I'm on the lookout" type of femininity is apparently very flawed.  )
I'm going to somehow have to realise that I'm not one of the guys, and as I have no wish for gender reassignment never will be. Makes me sad.
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