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Sea Gull
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 11:37 pm    Post subject: What types of compliments do women like from men? Reply with quote

I heard that women don't like compliments about their looks from men. If you do, make sure you're not strangers and nothing that that you can't compliment another guy about. I heard the exception is if you're on a serious date or a relationship? They like compliments about personality or anything not having to do with looks, or I can't remember exactly what I heard.

I'm not sure if I'm getting this all down right, but how does it work? What do the women here say?

For example, there's a guy who I think may have Asperger's. He works at some grocery store. He is always telling me that he's walking up to women at the store telling them that they're beautiful; both customers who are complete strangers and co-workers. My sister told me she knew him when he was younger and that women tell her they feel uncomfortable around him. The other day, he told me that at a store he drove up to a random woman in the parking lot in his car and said, "You're beautiful! Do a lot of guys ask for your phone number?" He told me that she looked away and that he wanted to tell her that she was stuck up for doing that, but then a car drove between the store bench she was sitting at and his car. I told him that I could be wrong, but that women might feel uncomfortable, especially when it's a random stranger driving up "in a car". When I said that, he got mad at me, and then again said he thought the woman at the bench was stuck up for looking away.

Although I'd feel very weird doing that with a stranger and I'd feel awkward giving any women I know a compliment about looks, I'm wondering what the advice is here about giving compliments? What do the women here say? Am I right if I'm guessing it should only be about personality or something they accomplished, and not to compliment about any type of looks until a serious date or relationship? And is the person right who said to not say anything that you wouldn't say to another man?
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Nan
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

honest ones. don't make one up just to be saying something.
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sarbear1987
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 12:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's complicated. Compliments about looks are okay depending on the situation. Random strangers telling me that I'm pretty make me blush but I also usually want to get away from them. Embarassed Compliments about something I've done from strangers just don't feel so awkward. I don't know why that is. I guess because, it's true, actions are more my doing whereas the way I look is thanks to my parents.

When you're in a relationship, you want to hear the physical compliments because you know the person better. "You're pretty" from a boyfriend sounds sweet. "You're pretty" from a guy in a car sounds skeevy. It's a trust thing.

I'm not very experienced, though. Laughing I get "You're cute" a lot (and I'm not so sure I agree) and, depending on where I am and who the person is, I feel awkward or flattered even just with "cute". If someone came up to me and said "You're beautiful!", I'm pretty sure I'd be rendered speechless.

It's not that we're stuck up - we just are so surprised that we briefly lose any ability to be articulate.

Someone needs to write an "Art of Compliments" book.
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ILoveMusic
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 1:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty women ALWAYS get complimented on their looks. If you want to stand out from the crowd, compliment her on something other than her looks (ie her intelligence, sense of humor, car, etc).
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Shiggily
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do not like compliments. I only like to be told if I am doing something correct or not, so I can keep doing it the same way or fix my mistakes.
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MajorTom
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm male and no expert myself, but I think it has to be something personal to them. If someone gets a new haircut, or item of clothing, they will appreciate a compliment about it. As for looks, I think compliments about looks only work if they're about a particular striking feature, for example "You have a nice smile", or "You're eyes are beautiful". But these sorts of compliments are only for people you know quite well. It's most important to remember not to lie, because women can always spot a false compliment and they actually take it as an insult.

I actually find most compliments aren't verbal in nature, and this is perhaps a reason why people with Asperger's and Autism can't seem to grasp them. They can be conveyed through eye contact, facial expressions and body language. If some makes you smile and can hold your attention during conversation that will make them think you like them. If you overt your eyes too much, avoiding eye contact, then they might take as saying "You're ugly, I don't want to look at your face". I think many women take the fact that you want to spend time with them as a compliment. You just have to remember not to talk about looks until you know them a little better.
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Granite
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm confused. Why do female strangers need compliments? Is the purpose of the compliment to start a conversation? How come the men don't get any compliments? Unsolicited compliments can be a form of sexual harassment. Why is it mandatory for people to react positively to unsolicited compliments?

If the purpose of the compliment is to start a conversation wouldn't it be much easier to learn to start conversations with strangers?
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Daemonic-Jackal
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 7:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If they fancy you or are a close friend then its ok to give compliments. If neither happens to be the ccase then it seemingly isnt.
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anna-banana
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 11:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess it depends on the individual, I personally can tell you that for me the best compliments come from my coworkers who compliment my work. I really don't care about any other types of compliment, but I admit that something like "you look nice today" is always welcome and I think no woman would ever feel offended by that :p

but as someone above said, showing your appreciation non-verbally makes much bigger impact, and I'm not talking about facial expressions or anything like that, more like doing little things for others that make them see that you care. really, it can be anything, even really small stuff but it will make her think "wow, he really went out of his way to do that, he must really like me." sorry I can't be any more specific, but such things need to be custom made :p

as to complimenting strangers the way your friend does- I find it beyond creepy. if I heard something like that and was called "stuck up" for ignoring the guy... well let's just say he'd make a closer acquaintance with my little friend Pepper Spray.

I've been trying to think about some compliment I got from a random stranger that didn't creep me out... some weeks ago the postman told me I smell like fresh donuts :p I guess it didn't have to be a compliment (I'm sure there's plenty of people who find this smell disguisting Razz) but it was kinda nice hehe.

kinda lost the plot here, sorry, but I guess that's all I had to say on the topic. good luck!
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NicksQuestions
Sea Gull
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Granite wrote:
I'm confused. Why do female strangers need compliments? Is the purpose of the compliment to start a conversation? How come the men don't get any compliments? Unsolicited compliments can be a form of sexual harassment. Why is it mandatory for people to react positively to unsolicited compliments?

If the purpose of the compliment is to start a conversation wouldn't it be much easier to learn to start conversations with strangers?


Keep in mind, I wasn't saying that I agreed with how this guy complimented these women. He also got mad at me when I told him that maybe they thought it was awkward, complete stranger driving up in a car and all Rolling Eyes

I was just trying to figure out what types of compliments are good? Obviously you hear some say that to be seen as more friendly, compliments are good. I was also reading an article that people may try to small talk by talking about details in the environment ("Boy this line is long") or even compliments ("Nice project you have going here").

So that's why I was trying to figure out compliments with women. If it's only appropriate to talk about things not dealing with looks, and when it is appropriate, and if it's only appropriate for looks they have control over (hair style vs. eyes as that other thread mentioned). Also, someone told me that for compliments it's best to mirror what they're already talking about.
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mgran
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

People like compliments, if they believe that they are genuine. An insincere compliment is actually an insult, or could be seen as condescending, so don't do that.

Also, I have never liked compliments that say nothing about me morally. Someone might say that I'm intelligent, or pretty... and even if I believe them (though not so much the latter these days) it won't please me one way or the other. I already know that I'm intelligent, and that I'm okay looking. I didn't choose my IQ, or the colour of my hair.

However, I understand that this is just me. Most women seem to like being told that they're pretty, and most intelligent people seem to like being told that they're clever. To me, it's just an observation. If someone says that I'm honest, or brave, I'm more likely to feel complimented, because those are moral virtues that I've had to work at.

I suppose the most important thing is just to be genuine, not flatter, and hope that you don't have as nitpicky an aspie as me.
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LiendaBalla
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would prefer limited to no compliments, as hearing the same thing too many times can subtly annoy me. If I hear the same compliment over three times in one get together, I get scepticle about whether they are being honest or acting out of desperation. This isn't to say I wouldn't be open for a lovely, cuddly story telling. Embarassed Cool

Last edited by LiendaBalla on Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hmmmn
Deinonychus
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it's more to do with who it's from than what it is.
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CaroleTucson
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can only speak for myself, obviously, but I tend to appreciate compliments that involve something I accomplished, as opposed to something I had nothing to do with.

So if a man says "you look nice today", to me that's better than saying "you have attractive eyes", because it implies that he's complimenting something I did more than something I was simply born with, and had no input into.

Perhaps that's splitting hairs, but it's how I look at it. It doesn't bother me if a man comments on my eyes or whatever. I just appreciate it more if it's something that I have control over.

I'm still waiting for a guy to say something like ... "wow! what sexy elbows you have".
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sarbear1987
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 4:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CaroleTucson wrote:
I'm still waiting for a guy to say something like ... "wow! what sexy elbows you have".


HAHAHA! Laughing

Believe it or not, I've gotten that before. My elbows can hyperextend and it always made my male classmates go "Wow!" I'd just be raising my hand to answer a question. But maybe it was more of a "Wow, she's a freak, how awesome!" because they never asked me out.
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