My Aspie son has threatened to kill me.

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Over the past week my 13 year old aspie son has threatened to kill me several times. Usually he says it after I try to finish telling him something. First he tells me to shut up. Like tonight, he walked into the kitchen to wash his hands, and as usual, refuses to dry them. I say to him that he needs to dry them because he is leaving a puddle of water on the floor. I do not say it in an angry way because I know that I would just be provoking him. But then he says to "shut up", followed by "I'd like to kill you." I am getting really scared. He isn't even screaming the threat.

What to do? I know he needs some help. He seems angrier and more agitated than in the past. He is also having trouble sleeping. Could he also be bipolar? I just don't want social workers in our house everyday or someone to remove him from the house.

I am at loss on what to say, other than possibly getting him to the hospital for a few days.If you feel your safety is in jeopardy in getting him there, you could ask for police assistance in getting him to the psych ward so he can have his possible issues addressed.With him being in the hospital, he won't be removed from your legal custody as a parent and you will still have a say in things legally as far as consent goes, but he will be in a safe place where he can get whatever needs to be addressed looked after, and you will be in a safer position until such.

Maybe take him to the hospital?

Well, you did say that you already thought he needed help because his behaviour has changed recently. Go that way, if agitation and anger as well as other problems have become so pronounced that they concern you.

Just wanting to say that a death-threat isn't necessarily meant nor understood in all its consequences by an autistic person. I don't think you should be scared of being killed, especially because the way he says it seems all wrong to you, that's why I write this. Even autistic people can mean it, of course, but children and teens usually don't to their parents, autistic or not.

A death-threat can be a very simple way in venting frustration and anger and make an emotional impression on another person. An autistic person even if they're very intelligent and sweet doesn't necessarily understand the implications of 'I want to kill you' and how inappropriate and painful it is for a person. Some do, of course and know perfectly well that it's apparently one of the worst thing to say next to 'I hate you'.

An autistic person who doesn't intuitively understand the grave social and emotional effect this sentence usually has on a person might choose to say this if the ability to create a similar heavy effect (insults, explanations) on a person is lost on them in this or other situations. To make them so shocked and to touch them emotionally when other words (due to lack of non-verbal context for example) don't seem to evoke an emotional, true response in that person that is strong enough to equate to the feelings of the person who said the words.

Then of course, normal people do this too. If the ability to cope with their emotional state is lacking then they say things like these too. Often, they still shy away from telling others that they wish they were dead or that they want to kill them, because they understand well the effect of fear, emotional pain, despair that these sentences have on other people.

This is not saying that is why your son does it. There are many more reasons to say it while not meaning that, such as utter despair, to want to be in control, a loss of normal control/impulsivity and so on. I just wanted to point out the possibility that it might not be meant literally because you are very concerned and said you're scared.

Contact his school and find out if a teacher or student has threatened your son in this manner.

When I was ten years old, a teacher said to me: "I will kill you", if I handed in a field-trip permission slip late again!

Later, I got in big trouble at home when I repeated the threat to my brother, over a petty argument.

Harrassment by teachers and other students could also explain in part why your son is agitated and having trouble sleeping.

he feels pressure by you id say.. hec want space and to be left alone

i say this as i was simular andi have had friends with the same issue

Has he ever screamed in anger before? Personally, I find it difficult to generate expressions of anger that people recognize. (Though at other times have inadvertently been perceived as angry when I'm not.)

13 was a very bad age for me. I had a sudden blooming awareness of all my "wrong" behavior, and there were endless people (kids) to reinforce that with intense scrutiny & judgments, about every little thing. I felt like the world was ordering me around; to walk 'right,' to talk right, to look right, to sound right, to do hand mannerism right, ad nauseum. Of course, I don't know if that's what's going on with your son. But maybe he is depressed & frustrated about something. And maybe it's worse than it seems because his non-verbal expression isn't showing it. My parents were clueless as to how miserable I was at that age.

yes that is exactly how i felt

pekkkla i also think that he feels your ctritsising for the sake of it

Not an idle threat topic

I have an ex sister in law whose son would place kitchen knives on her bed and glare at her.

She finally called the police and got a restraining order. This son is not autistic, but had some kind of narcissistic/shizo-typal disorder. He had been spoiled in the past and learned ugly criminal type of behaviour from...wait for it...his mother. Very dysfunctional.

One of my NT daughters, in a fit of rage, wished I was dead. It was a one time thing, and we had to get counseling, as she was getting out of control. Sometimes maturity will ease much of this nasty behaviour.

I understand verbal abuse from teens as a cry for help.

Thank you for sharing your troubling story, and may your son get the help he needs.

Your son needs counseling. He needs to talk to someone he can trust and open up to (so you might need to try several counselors to find one he connects with).

Something is wrong. He may be a very angry person and is lashing out at you, but you need to find out what and why before knowing if he's serious about what he's saying.

13 was around the time that I would tell my mom I hated her any time she told me to do something that I didn't want to. I did it because it was the easiest way to get my own space and time to finish doing what I was doing. I didn't actually hate her or anything, I just said it because she would walk away every time I said it and leave me be.

A few years later, I found out that when she walked away, it was to go cry, and I felt really really bad for all the times that I said it to her. All I saw at the time was the immediate response to what I said-her walking away.

Have you sat down and asked him about why he is saying it? That is what got to me... when my mom told me what she did all those times I said it. I've never said it again since.

You have to have him removed from your home. He is threatening to kill you and what if he really does do it? Do you want him to land in jail and maybe prison for the rest of his life or for the half of his life?

Obviously, there's something really bothering him. Seeing someone would be appropriate.

People with AS rarely get their emotions out in appropriate ways, so they'll sit there and simmer and simmer, until they reach the exploding point.

My mother does/did the same thing with me with the water and drying hands (I don't like drying my hands on towels, it feels...uck), and I just ignored her (my personality). Perhaps he just feels you put too many demands on him.

Make sure he doesn't have access to a firearm.

You need to get some help. I think there is a combination of typical teenage angst mixed with AS frustration + who knows what else is going on.

Punching holes in walls and threatening to kill your mother is not normal. It is not acceptable. Like the last poster mentioned, make sure he cannot get a gun. Go talk to a family counseler by yourself first. Explain the situation to them. Then go in with your son. Perhaps the therapist will want to see your son seperately. Childen who are deemed out of control can be placed with a state agency. I would hate to see it come to that but your son needs to stop acting like an ass. If he acts this way to strangers out on the street he's going to be in big trouble.

You seem like a reasonable, concerned parent. You seem genuinely scared. I would be too. You, as the "normal" adult, needs to take assertive steps to stop this behavior. I would be less concerned about tip toeing around the subject here than some. You cannot be expected to walk on eggshells and let your son turn your home into a violent, fearful place with no rules. He needs to get with the program and get his act together.

I'd only be concerned if he actually TRIES to kill you. I mean, all kids wish their parents were dead at some point in time. Usually that sort of thing is "all talk and no walk". Keep an eye on him. Like others said, try counseling/therapy.

I'm sure she will be thinking of your advise when he son is lunging at her with a butcher knife because she asked him to pick up his socks.

Pekkla, you need to pick up the phone today & get some help. More help than we can give you here. Yes, it may be nothing. But now is the time to nip it in the bud. His behavior is antisocial, it makes you (and quite frankly, most of us) uncomfortable, and it can only lead to bad things if ignored. Call a local family counseler today please.

I wish you only the best. It's never easy being the parent of a teenager.