WrongPlanet.net
WP Members: > 80,000



Aspie Affection

New Today: 3
New Yesterday: 15

Evil Jesus (warning: shocking content) 1, 2, 3  Next  
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Politics, Philosophy, and Religion     
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 6:57 pm    Post subject: Evil Jesus (warning: shocking content) Reply with quote

I hope the mods will let me talk about this, because I am so mad. It might not be suitable for children to read. I just need to blow off some steam after five years of anguish.

After reading the Gospels of the New Testament and other passages of the Bible, I have built up several personae of the Lord Jesus Christ, and one of them is so obnoxious and sadistic that I just had to write about it.

This possible persona of Jesus, whom I will call 'Evil Jesus,' has the personality of a mischievous, hyperactive middle school bully. He thrives on the torture of lonely virgins, outcasts, and rejects, and even of the sick and disabled. With his hot-headed Sadmaster of a father, he invents a theory that the ugly people he torments are somehow 'guilty' of deliberately bringing suffering into the world. This is a Jesus who 'hates your brown,' commits fallacies every second of the day, and manipulates everyone in the circus freak show that is our 'afterlife.'

He is consistent with everything I've read in the Bible, and has been the target of my aggressive thoughts on numerous occasions. I just wouldn't be able to stand Evil Jesus. In my mind, he would have to be punished. I will move on to his plan for 'Heaven,' but first, I want to say a few words about his father.

If Evil Jesus as I imagine him is real, then this universe was created by the Ultimate Idiot, the Sadmaster. I refuse to call him God at this moment, due to the sheer intensity of his crime against his sick victims. He lives in a world of perfect mathematical objects I call Platonic Heaven. In contrast to other depictions of God as an all-encompassing, infinite, radiating beauty or love, the Sadmaster merely figured out how to be as mean as possible and created a bruise in Platonic Heaven, the worst of all possible worlds, that we know as this universe. His mission: To ensure that certain people "ALWAYS BE SAAAAAD."

The Sadmaster, who needs to have his head sawed off, derives his sick pleasure through a combination of ontological principles including the Anthropic Principle to ensure that his little frogs are tortured forever in a Hell of romantic rejection. Being an idiot, he is completely unable to acknowledge that his agonized victims have feelings until capital punishment is executed upon him.

Phases of Heaven with Evil Jesus

Now, let's move on to Evil Jesus' plan for Heaven. This plan involves three phases and takes place at night, in the wild.

1. The preparation phase.

In this first phase, Evil Jesus gives a hoax description of everything the Sadmaster has created, and explains all of the criminal outcasts of the world to be the ultimate perpetrators of evil, in agreement with modern cultural prejudice. He sets out to explain that "sinning is bad" without even telling us what 'sinning' is. Everyone is overjoyed that the Son of God has come to bring them a happy ending for all eternity to come.

2. The warm-hearted, too-good-to-be-true, so-happy-it-makes-you-want-to-cry phase.

We would witness a lot of sobbing in this phase in which families are reunited and soft carols are sang in praise of our all-loving savior and cuddlebear, Jesus Christ. Heaven becomes what all the kindest Christians on Earth imagine it to be: full of warmth and love. And the ugly, deformed sinners are manipulated, framed, caught in Heaven, and brought to justice by being turned into stooges.

And that brings us to our next phase...

3. The Stinky Sexual SAAAdism phase!

Evil Jesus shrieks, "Look at me! I'm Jeevuf CHRIFT! I get to be haaapy! The stupid people! The stupid people!" In this shocking and psychologically gripping phase of the afterlife, Evil Jesus reverts to his true form: that of a high-pitched middle school bully and master of torture games. Heaven finally becomes what he intended all along: a paradise of sexual sadism against sufferers in Hell. Were we ever truly loving and generous to begin with? "No, you're just a bunch of SAAAdists!" Evil Jesus shrieks with an amused little grin. And everyone's having sex, right and left, feeling more and more pleasure as they fall more resolutely in love, and psychologically frustrated fools are manipulated into behaving stupidly to their torment and humiliation right in the presence of the genetically superior for the rest of eternity.

Excuse me: BRAAAAAOWN!

We Must Do What it Takes to Prevent Evil Jesus from Dominating Us.

If you are of reasonably sensible mind, then you will agree with me that Evil Jesus' plan to torture ugly people is not acceptable. We must therefore do everything in our power, including tie him up to a chair if needed, to prevent him from exercising his aggressive, authoritarian lordship in menacing ways. We need to get it through to Jesus that ugly people have feelings and that psychotic people aren't solely responsible for their actions.

And then, at last, an explosion of wondrous fulfillment should engulf every poor disabled person who ever lived, and with the death of the Sadmaster will come a happy ending as Platonic Heaven is restored to its natural beauty.

Conclusion

I'm really sorry, but this is how I feel about Christianity. I know that a lot of Christians will feel mad at me that I have such endearing compassion for the less fortunate that I would literally stand up to God and Jesus in the most gruesome of ways to defend them, but that's how it is. I don't want any of you to be upset, or to feel offended, and I repeat once again that this is only one possible outcome of a Christian afterlife. Hopefully, we won't experience anything as bad as what I have just described.

P.S.:

Dear God,

Don't ever call me a loser.

Sincerely,
Mike
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
skafather84
Platypus God
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 21, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 11156
Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wouldn't it just be easier and less consuming of your thoughts to just realize that there's no such Judeo-Christian god and that those books are just myths?
_________________
Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. ~Heinrich Heine, Almansor, 1823

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
ruveyn
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Age: 78
Posts: 31520
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

skafather84 wrote:
Wouldn't it just be easier and less consuming of your thoughts to just realize that there's no such Judeo-Christian god and that those books are just myths?


There you go again. Being logical.

ruveyn
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
skafather84
Platypus God
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 21, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 11156
Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 12, 2009 11:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ruveyn wrote:
skafather84 wrote:
Wouldn't it just be easier and less consuming of your thoughts to just realize that there's no such Judeo-Christian god and that those books are just myths?


There you go again. Being logical.

ruveyn


I find it best to take a balance between being logical and illogical. Absurdism is both insane and yet keeps me sane. I'm still fairly convinced regarding the power of one's mind once the mind/brain barrier is broken and one actually becomes truly aware of their own thoughts and thought processes. I'm more toying around with the power of belief...and in order to do so, I have to fully delve into such beliefs...as such, I'm an atheist while simultaneously being a modern practitioner of chaos magick and cherry-picking various magick beliefs as I see fit, including Kabbalistic ideals. And using sloppy interpretations of science from string theory to monster group to multiverse to various ideas espoused by Hawking in his popular books to solidify a belief while remaining flexible in my mindstate.

Reality all starts with what you and those around you believe to be reality.
_________________
Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. ~Heinrich Heine, Almansor, 1823

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's important to understand that Evil Jesus needs to dig up excuses to make ugly people look bad, so he 'tests' them. Rather than encouraging them to get back up on their feet, he continually knocks them down and even punishes them for acts of kindness. The natural result is that these poor souls are driven helplessly into violent, 'psychotic' behavior by Evil Jesus and the dominating, sadistic masses.

Tests, in other words, are like weapons that Evil Jesus uses against the people he hates. He doesn't really care about the people he tests. He just wants to make them mad so that it will look good when they go to Hell. In a furious attempt to repress the fact that their suffering is undeserved, he tries to make them out to be the culprits, rather than the victims.

Stupid people don't understand that perfect psychological freedom doesn't exist. We are always under the sway of natural laws and behavioral reinforcement. When we use a drug, for example, we are reinforced to use it later. When we are punished by our parents for saying a bad word, we learn not to use that word. Similarly, when ugly people are punished for doing good deeds, they learn to buy guns and pop your faces full of lead.

Sometimes idiots don't understand the role of social reinforcement by the 'in-group' in causing violent crime, and Evil Jesus capitalizes on this. He wants to keep everyone stupid so that he and his father can torture people and get away with it.

We can almost see this image of Evil Jesus bouncing up and down on his cross as if to say, "Torture! I love torturing you!" And that is precisely what Evil Jesus loves to do: torture people. The sex is really just an excuse to pinpoint sad, suffering souls in an objective world and land them into a subjective state of never-ending despair, as if the consciousness of other beings whose luxuries are unattainable for the victim were enough to justify it.

It may be required, then, for the victim to prove that if he is incapable of appreciating the consicousness of others who are well-off in a way that allows him to be happy, if he feels trapped in despondence in eternal recurrence as only himself, if he must feel queasy instead of delighted when he sees lovers kiss, if he feels made to realize that he is just a painful person, then no one else is conscious but him. In doing so, he could give the evil creator, the Sadmaster, something comparable to a nervous breakdown as he shows that his feelings matter.

All it would take to prevent his demise would be for Evil Jesus to admit that he was wrong. But let's hope... he's not too stupid! "Heeheeheeh, I'm Jeevuf CHRIFT!"
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
zer0netgain
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 03, 2009
Posts: 6330

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:41 am    Post subject: Re: Evil Jesus (warning: shocking content) Reply with quote

MikeH106 wrote:
I hope the mods will let me talk about this, because I am so mad. It might not be suitable for children to read. I just need to blow off some steam after five years of anguish.


It would help to explain the specifics of your "hate" here.

I see no way to reach your conclusions from what you posted. Evil Jesus? Ugly people? Where do you get this from?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two S-words that threaten all of humanity.
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Confused-Fish
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 13, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 1129
Location: trapped in a jar

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 10:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i was expecting to read a in depth piece based on a highly detailed analysis of scripture.. that's what i get for having expectations i guess Rolling Eyes
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Henriksson
Procrastination Embodied
Phoenix


Joined: Nov 24, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 2567
Location: Sweden

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't help but notice that not once in your OP did you use any references to scripture. Or references to anything, really.
_________________
"Purity is for drinking water, not people" - Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you want an in-depth analysis with excerpts from the New Testament, you can read my essay, Christianity as a Tool of Oppression Against the Romantically Unsuccessful:

http://www.hoge-essays.com/christ.html
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Janissy
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 47
Posts: 5789

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You don't have to be a Christian if you don't want to. How about embracing atheism or agnosticism? Prroblem solved.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not just as simple as being agnostic. Christians control the entire country.

Oh, and Evil Jesus has something he calls 'browning out.' He'll let you watch the life of any successful person, but when it comes to the life of a tormented, ugly man who was made a victim and sentenced to Hell, he'll refuse and say, "I've really tried to brown him out." This means that he'll avoid talking about him in order to conceal the monstrous crimes committed by the Sadmaster against him, crimes so heinous that they would be antithetical to all our beloved fairy tales.

If Jesus ever tries to conceal anyone's life story, then we should instantly retaliate to ensure that he isn't... hiding a little seeecret. To do this, we might insist that he obey the Parable of the Lamp Under a Jar (whatever is hidden will be made manifest), and not in a way that causes other people to 'hate your brown.'

I honestly don't see how anyone can be truly happy about this religion. Not if people go to Hell forever.

I mean, come on. The Happy Bunnies. Seriously. No.
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.


Last edited by MikeH106 on Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
MissConstrue
~Meow Clawdius~
Phoenix


Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 32
Posts: 19686
Location: Missouri

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow this is scary stuff here! Shocked

I wonder how many Jezus cults make up the majority as far as religions are concerned....
_________________
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.
-Thomas Paine




Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
skafather84
Platypus God
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 21, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 11156
Location: New Orleans, LA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MikeH106 wrote:
It's not just as simple as being agnostic. Christians control the entire country.



Wrong.

Christianity is used as a form of control over the population but it doesn't exert power beyond when it's allowed to.
_________________
Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. ~Heinrich Heine, Almansor, 1823

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
MikeH106
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 1113

PostPosted: Sun Sep 13, 2009 10:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

skafather84 wrote:
MikeH106 wrote:
It's not just as simple as being agnostic. Christians control the entire country.

Wrong.

Be careful about saying, "Wrong." What is my statement? That Christians control the entire country.

First of all, notice that I'm referring to Christians, not Christianity. Second, notice that my statement is unqualified. This means that I could be referring to some or all Christians. Third, note that 'control' is defined as 'to exercise restraining or directing influence over, esp. by law.' In this case, when I say that Christians control the entire country, I mean that the government, which is largely Christian, exercises restraining influence over the entire country, in this case by laws banning voluntary euthanasia and stem cell research.

It would be an instance of the Fallacy of Division to say that merely because the entire country is controlled, each individual part of the country is controlled, though this may in fact be the case. I suppose it depends on your definition.

We are taught to sing songs in praise of God in elementary school before even knowing what Christianity is. People locked up in hospitals aren't even allowed to end their own lives. And even our motto is, "In God We Trust." Are we ever going to ask if Christianity tortures ugly people?

This possibility is explored in depth in my essay.
_________________
Sixteen essays so far.

Like a drop of blood in a tank of flesh-eating piranhas, a new idea never fails to arouse the wrath of herd prejudice.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Politics, Philosophy, and Religion   
1, 2, 3  Next  

 
Read more Articles on Wrong Planet



Wrong Planet is a Registered Trademark.
Copyright 2004-2014, Wrong Planet, LLC and Alex Plank. Alex does public speaking for Autism.

Advertise on Wrong Planet

Alex Hotchalk / Glam 

Alex Plank  Aspie Affection 

Terms of Service - You must read this as a user of Wrong Planet | Privacy Policy

Subscribe: RSS Feed  Wrong Planet News  Wrong Planet Forums




fine art