How do NTs feel empathy/sympathy?
my thought pattern always starts with me taking in the situation and thinking about it logically and thinking about people's motives in it. often to feel bad for something, i have to think back to when the situation happened to me. or something id imagine similar. then i take those feelings and project them on the other person, in a way. so i can get an idea of how they feel. worry for other people seems almost learned. it's wierd. if someone falls down and gets a bloody nose, i think "well, they arent seriously injured, they will be better in a couple minutes" i never really intuitively feel awful. if the risk is greater than i worry more, though.
but sometimes i can get almost automatic empathy with people i am close to, or some events, like those children who grew up into adults locked in a basement all their lives.
is this how an NT or AS would acheive empathy? i apologize for all my self centered questions...it's just a diagnosis is sort of distant at the moment, and whetehr i have AS or not is killing me!
The way in which you described how to understand another person's feelings, by projecting how you had felt in a similar situation onto the other person, is exactly how I learned how to understand other people's emotions. The more often you do it, the earlier you start, and the more broad your own experiences are, the more you'll be able to do this in a variety of situations and in a more-or-less seamless way. I don't think this is necessarily how an NT achieves empathy, as I think they have a tendency to be a lot more naturally gifted in this area, but I think it's a reasonably effective way for AS folks to achieve something very nearly approximating it.
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id always felt my social interactions and empathy patterns were "learned"...even if i couldnt pinpoint why i thought that. i figured since i dont seem to have many problems in that area with people i'm close to, must be because i simply really take interest in people. i love to be the observer. like whenever someone talks, i watch the listener, because i'm so interested in seing how their face moves in reaction. (makes me seem a bit wierd, perhaps, if im caught :S) and i tend to imitate what i see...soo yeah.
but that's wierd, if NTs dont actually think the way i do. because empathy usually seems to involve thinking power on my part.
and dont think you're selfish, dustintorch. . you can still feel sympathy for them, if youd never experienced the situation yourself.
It doesn't have anything to do with my own experiences. If it is sorrow I feel it strongly. Any torturing especially children and animals I cannot stand. I avoid news and even movie trailers that even mention these things.
For happiness I need to stand physically close to that person.
but sometimes i can get almost automatic empathy with people i am close to, or some events, like those children who grew up into adults locked in a basement all their lives.
is this how an NT or AS would acheive empathy? i apologize for all my self centered questions...it's just a diagnosis is sort of distant at the moment, and whetehr i have AS or not is killing me!
I thought this was THE place to be self centered.
Like you, my empathy is broader and more logical. I often think NTs are being fake when they react to things. I can't dredge up feeling for people I have never met. Sure I care and can feel for an abducted girl living in a shed, but tell me about your Aunt Susan's hang nail and I simply don't care. So, it's weighted.
For happiness I need to stand physically close to that person.
same, but i have to think about the pain they are going through, imagining what it would be like to get tortured and the emotional pain. while the logical thought saying "that's awful!" comes automatically, the feelings dont come automatically
Like you, my empathy is broader and more logical. I often think NTs are being fake when they react to things. I can't dredge up feeling for people I have never met. Sure I care and can feel for an abducted girl living in a shed, but tell me about your Aunt Susan's hang nail and I simply don't care. So, it's weighted.
no one actually cares about that stuff, do they?
and true, i guess! strangely, i find this forum one of the nicer ones, even though people dont have all the polite interest in each other. i think that may be why. if someone asks you a question, they are genuine, here.
i think they are being fake, too. but i act fake sometimes to be socially acceptable, as well.
racooneyes
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Joined: 23 Sep 2009
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oh hey, I just learned recently that this was not a good thing to do as it's supposed to mean either you dislike he talker or you fancy the listener
I do the same as you for empathy too btw
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oh hey, I just learned recently that this was not a good thing to do as it's supposed to mean either you dislike he talker or you fancy the listener
I do the same as you for empathy too btw
really? oh no!! ! XD. i must be giving very mixed signals to people. :S
racooneyes
Velociraptor
Joined: 23 Sep 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 410
Location: blackeye, outer rim
For happiness I need to stand physically close to that person.
same, but i have to think about the pain they are going through, imagining what it would be like to get tortured and the emotional pain. while the logical thought saying "that's awful!" comes automatically, the feelings dont come automatically
Well, I would feel better if it was happening to me since I know I could bear it due to my control. I do not want to have anything with most of the people but I do feel the need for them to be happy and content. My favorite fantasy is living in the world where there is no pain and poverty. Honestly. Like the whole world is emitting energy and I can feel it.
For an NT point of view:
From what I understand, sympathy is a feeling you have when someone else is experiencing something you yourself have experienced before, so you totally understand what they are going through. Empathy is when you have not experienced that situation, but you can imagine what it is like.
I cannot stand to watch reality TV shows like Jackass for example, when it shows people hurting themselves. Even if the behavior is stupid and they deserve it. My husband on the other hand thinks it's hilarious. I care about people in general, and if I see a person hurt I automatically imagine how I would feel if that happened to me. That is why I can't watch that stuff. It's an emotional feeling, and for me it's as automatic as anger or laughter. It isn't something that I really think about. If I see a total stranger walking down the street trip over a curb and fall on their face, the first thing I do is wince thinking "man, that must have hurt". I don't really have to know or care about that specific person. Then I would proceed to help them up if I see that they are struggling. Most people just walk on by, but I can't do it. For me, it's an automatic feeling I can't control. Sometimes I feel it's a curse.
There are times that I feel empathy/sympathy for someone but I don't care. That's a different situation. I feel their pain, but I don't care for whatever reason. Animals and children make me feel things stronger than a typical adult, probably because I think they are more innocent.
I'm probably more NT than AS, and empathy happens for me more in the way MommyJones described it. I don't think about it, I just feel it. It's probably a similar process to that described in the OP, just short cutted, without the conscious evaluation, its more automatic, and I don't have to know or care about the person to feel it. Normally.
Now, with the silly stuff, like Aunt Libby's hang nail, that will depend on knowing the person and having a sense of how it uniquely feels to them. Without knowing people from this forum, for example, I would have seen and thus felt to a degree the pain but not really understood someone hiding from a loud noise or experiencing some similar sensory issue. Now its totally automatic when in an overwhelming situation to just "know" my son may be having trouble, and shelter him. I'll notice other kids having an issue with it, too. So knowledge and experience does play a part.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
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