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Jaejoongfangirl
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 20, 2007
Posts: 342
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 Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:20 am Post subject: How do you know if your standards are too high? |
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| How do you know if your standards are too high? What is the line between realistic standards and standards that are too low or too high? |
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Tias
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 10, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 433
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:31 am Post subject: |
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| Try to see how "common" your standards are? |
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Hector
Frankie Teardrop
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 2016
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:36 am Post subject: |
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If you look back on someone who you passed on because they didn't meet your explicit demands (say, if you demand that they must like rock music but none of their favourite musicians on Facebook are rock bands) and think "I can imagine I could have had dated this person with no real issue", i.e. that the attraction was still there and you felt comfortable with them despite your differences, then your standards (i.e. your demands) were too high.
If you just aren't attracted to that many people, there isn't much I have to say about that. You shouldn't "settle" for someone you aren't attracted to, that would be bad for you as well as the other person involved. |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 1115
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:40 am Post subject: |
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| How can you tell? By flipping it around. If those same high standards were applied to you by somebody else, would you pass? If not, they are too high. |
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thegreatpretender
Hummingbird
Joined: May 21, 2009
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:09 am Post subject: |
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My standards are extremely high.
Fortunately, they are also quite different than those of most people. 
This is quite fortunate as it reduces competition.
I think the advice (given above) of applying the same standards to yourself is a good one. |
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deep-techno
Star Power Maniac
Joined: Jan 08, 2006
Posts: 1081
Location: Swindon, England.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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I do set myself very high academic standards, though I do get upset when I fail to meet them. In my A-Levels so far, that has been quite common.
Knowing whether your standards are too high or not can be found if you get upset at not being able to satisfy them.
_________________
If the phrase "you are what you eat" is correct, technically we must all be cannibals. |
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david_42
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 19, 2009
Posts: 211
Location: PNW, USA
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Since this is in the Dating area, I'd say one's standards are too high if the number of dates you go on are significantly below the number of dates you would like to go on. Standards are designed to meet specific goals. If you set them high enough, you eliminate everyone. They may seem reasonable, but if your goal is to date and you aren't; well, you have no choice but to examine them and decide where you can compromise. |
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SINsister
the towering inferno
Joined: May 26, 2005
Posts: 1301
Location: six feet over
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Hector wrote: | | If you just aren't attracted to that many people, there isn't much I have to say about that. You shouldn't "settle" for someone you aren't attracted to, that would be bad for you as well as the other person involved. |
Exactly. Attraction can't be forced; it's either there or it's not.
_________________
.all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. |
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deadeyexx
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 11, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 434
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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Your standards are too high if you find yourself continously coveting fantasy sitiations.
For example, I'll bet tons of guys would like to date a super-hot, extraverted party girl. But in reality, I doubt very many men would be able to put up with someone like that for long. Or the women who want the handsome, caring, brave, rugged, sweet, etc... (everything under the sun) man from romance novels. However, someone of that quality (if he were to exist) would probably be off saving the world rather than spending time with her.
People like that spend way too much time in the fantasy world & need to have real experiences. Only then would they be able to see what they're really looking for. |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 1115
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| deadeyexx wrote: | Your standards are too high if you find yourself continously coveting fantasy sitiations.
For example, I'll bet tons of guys would like to date a super-hot, extraverted party girl. But in reality, I doubt very many men would be able to put up with someone like that for long. Or the women who want the handsome, caring, brave, rugged, sweet, etc... (everything under the sun) man from romance novels. However, someone of that quality (if he were to exist) would probably be off saving the world rather than spending time with her.
People like that spend way too much time in the fantasy world & need to have real experiences. Only then would they be able to see what they're really looking for. |
Ok. Yes. I see what you mean. There is fantasy and there is reality and really it's best if the two don't meet. (The funny 70's movie "10" is all about how truly horrible it is to actually find yourself with the type of person you had sexual fantasies about). Being with a literally perfect person would be depressing (for me at least). I would constantly feel second best. Somebody who had no physical imperfections would just make me more acutely aware of my own. Somebody who had no flaws at all would just make me more aware of my own.But I never went looking with a shopping list in my head. It was all subconscious. There was either a "ping" or there wasn't. |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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Usually...
if a guy is always failing getting any gf then his traits must be beneath the average standards adopted by most women.
while
if a girl is always failing in getting a bf then her standards must be exceptionally skyrocketed high and so the vast majority of males are not good enough for her.
That's why single men's complaints/whining are usually like this :
-I can't get close to women
-women don't like me
-women always reject me
-women don't give me a chance
- women in my area overlook me
-I don't know how to talk to a woman
-I don't have a job or a car
etc...
while single women's complaints/whinings about dating are usually like this:
-Where are the good men?
-I can't find someone I like =(
-All men are jerks
-All men in my area are uglies or/and losers.
-all men i am dating are being dumbs.
etc...
Two different trends , that's why men's complaints usually reflect their own insecurities more than when women complaint about such matters. Women's complaints usually reflect their concerns of not finding the right man. |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 1115
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | Usually...
if a guy is always failing getting any gf then his traits must be beneath the average standards adopted by most women.
while
if a girl is always failing in getting a bf then her standards must be exceptionally skyrocketed high and so the vast majority of males are not good enough for her.
That's why single men's complaints/whining are usually like this :
-I can't get close to women
-women don't like me
-women always reject me
-women don't give me a chance
- women in my area overlook me
-I don't know how to talk to a woman
-I don't have a job or a car
etc...
while single women's complaints/whinings about dating are usually like this:
-Where are the good men?
-I can't find someone I like =(
-All men are jerks
-All men in my area are uglies or/and losers.
-all men i am dating are being dumbs.
etc...
Two different trends , that's why men's complaints usually reflect their own insecurities more than when women complaint about such matters. Women's complaints usually reflect their concerns of not finding the right man. |
You are cherry picking. Just as there are men whose complaints reflect their own insecurities, there are just as many women whose complaints do exactly the same. Countless women are insecure about their looks and assume their lack of partner is due to that. And just as women reflect outward ("all men are jerks" etc.) per your list, so do men. This forum is awash in thread after thread after thread where men assume their lack of partner is because "women only like jerks, not nice guys". |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Janissy wrote: | | LePetitPrince wrote: | Usually...
if a guy is always failing getting any gf then his traits must be beneath the average standards adopted by most women.
while
if a girl is always failing in getting a bf then her standards must be exceptionally skyrocketed high and so the vast majority of males are not good enough for her.
That's why single men's complaints/whining are usually like this :
-I can't get close to women
-women don't like me
-women always reject me
-women don't give me a chance
- women in my area overlook me
-I don't know how to talk to a woman
-I don't have a job or a car
etc...
while single women's complaints/whinings about dating are usually like this:
-Where are the good men?
-I can't find someone I like =(
-All men are jerks
-All men in my area are uglies or/and losers.
-all men i am dating are being dumbs.
etc...
Two different trends , that's why men's complaints usually reflect their own insecurities more than when women complaint about such matters. Women's complaints usually reflect their concerns of not finding the right man. |
You are cherry picking. Just as there are men whose complaints reflect their own insecurities, there are just as many women whose complaints do exactly the same. Countless women are insecure about their looks and assume their lack of partner is due to that. And just as women reflect outward ("all men are jerks" etc.) per your list, so do men. This forum is awash in thread after thread after thread where men assume their lack of partner is because "women only like jerks, not nice guys". |
I love cherries, ever tried the cherry pie?
I am just describing two trends that I observe on forums, I didn't assume any exclusivity of one to one gender.
Everyone is insecure, yea I know women who are insecure about their looks and their weight but have you ever heard the standards they're seeking? According to my experience/observation , their standards in men are usually as high as looker girls'standards, if not even higher, standards that they can't even handle.
Go ahead, try to ask some of them. |
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Grisha
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 16, 2009
Age: 43
Posts: 73
Location: Orange County, California
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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This is an interesting subject.
I know that everyone places people on a continuum, with "utterly repulsive" at one end and "drop-dead gorgeous" at the other.
Then they draw a line somewhere in the middle which divides the line into "date-able" and "just friends".
Personally, I think that one should not use their self-identity to define where on the "attractive" line they should date. I've had relationships with much more attractive women than I would have thought possible if I limited myself to what I thought I "deserved".
On the other hand, although you should never date someone in the "just friends" category, you shouldn't limit yourself to the high end of the attractiveness scale because attraction can grow over time. And by attraction, I don't mean "fondness" or "affection", I mean real physical attraction. I know this from personal experience.
That's been my experience anyway, at least there's some benefit to getting old.  |
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SINsister
the towering inferno
Joined: May 26, 2005
Posts: 1301
Location: six feet over
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Grisha wrote: | | That's been my experience anyway, at least there's some benefit to getting old. |
I'm "old," too - and though my standards have changed slightly over time, I've never lowered them, and probably never will.
_________________
.all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. |
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