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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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 Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:51 pm Post subject: Study Shows Single Women Prefer to Date Attached Men? |
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http://www.synergy-pr.com/press/MelissaBurkley,PhD/51/800/0
I posted a similar thread before about 'mate copying' and it's the same concept to this.
Ladies , what are you thoughts about this matter? |
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Apep
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 25, 2009
Posts: 87
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not a lady, but I do notice more interest now than when I'm single. |
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SamwiseGamgee
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 19, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 305
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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I've heard of that before and I can see how a lot of women might find a man more desirable when they know someone else is interested in him - it validates their feelings that he's a good man. What I don't understand is why they'd actively try to pursue something with him because if he leaves the other woman for her, then who's to say he won't leave her for another woman in the future?
I personally don't find men in relationships more attractive than single men, it's down to personality regardless of their relationship status. Though I would never try to date someone already in a relationship because of many reasons and also because I'd probably lose that fight anyway. |
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ToadOfSteel
Unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4911
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:53 am Post subject: |
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I know this is a bit shocking, but after all these years, I'm going to have to concede this point to LPP... After I went public with my new relationship (see http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110630.html), one of the first comments about the matter on my facebook (other than solicited ones) was from the very first girl that rejected me all those years ago... up until that point, she had never paid me any attention at all unless I talked to her first (and then tried to break off the conversation shortly after that)...
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david_42
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 19, 2009
Posts: 211
Location: PNW, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:39 am Post subject: |
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This behavior appears to be common is most vertebrates. I've seen studies done with fish that give the same results. Them's that got, get more.  |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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| SamwiseGamgee wrote: | I've heard of that before and I can see how a lot of women might find a man more desirable when they know someone else is interested in him - it validates their feelings that he's a good man. What I don't understand is why they'd actively try to pursue something with him because if he leaves the other woman for her, then who's to say he won't leave her for another woman in the future?
I personally don't find men in relationships more attractive than single men, it's down to personality regardless of their relationship status. Though I would never try to date someone already in a relationship because of many reasons and also because I'd probably lose that fight anyway. |
Very logical analysis, if you steal him from his gf then he's not the loyal kind. But it's really their "commitment" status that make them attractive , or it's related to another instinct? |
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SamwiseGamgee
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 19, 2009
Age: 22
Posts: 305
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 2:51 pm Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | | Very logical analysis, if you steal him from his gf then he's not the loyal kind. But it's really their "commitment" status that make them attractive , or it's related to another instinct? |
I don't really think it's the commitment thing because of what I said above. I would guess the subconscious thought process would be something like "that woman sees something in him that is good and worthy of her time. If someone else thinks he's good then he must be good and if I can date him I can save myself the time and effort of trying to find out if he's good." It makes sense to me, but I'm making this theory up as I go so I might be completely wrong. |
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HH
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Uh, guys, there's nothing subconscious or mysterious about it. It is a quite conscious process of "he's a lot less likely to be another Sodini". |
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Friskeygirl
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 26, 2009
Age: 25
Posts: 308
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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Well all I can say is some men make better mates, all others post in love and dating
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SINsister
the towering inferno
Joined: May 26, 2005
Posts: 1301
Location: six feet over
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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UGH! Have they surveyed AS women for their take on the matter? 
Sorry, but "poaching" another's mate is deceitful and underhanded, imho.
There's a cute dude at work; he's dating one of our co-workers. I don't care HOW attracted to him I might be, I wouldn't dare pursue him *because of the fact* that he's not single!
How about some sense of decency, pride, and self-respect, girls?! 
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7170
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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| HH wrote: | | Uh, guys, there's nothing subconscious or mysterious about it. It is a quite conscious process of "he's a lot less likely to be another Sodini". |
I think that depends more on who he's married to. |
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HH
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:34 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | HH wrote: | | Uh, guys, there's nothing subconscious or mysterious about it. It is a quite conscious process of "he's a lot less likely to be another Sodini". |
I think that depends more on who he's married to. |
Nope, not in the slightest. There's isn't any mechanism by which a wife can turn her husband into a shooting-spree killer.
I looked at the study, and two things jumped out at me:
1. This is extremely preliminary. This kind of study is meaningless on its own. A dozen studies by different researchers starts to mean something.
2. The method wasn't sound for indicating whether anyone would actually try to poach a mate. All it did was ask for statements of interest. The wording and options presented could easily skew the results one way or another. That's why you need dozens of studies on this type of question before it means anything other than "Hey, cool way to spend some grant money." |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7170
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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On the bright side though the world is definitely not full of Sodini's. I think even looking at 1 guy out of 100 or even 200 as being that sort of misogynist is way out of league with reality. Most guys, like most women, try their best to understand reality and that included the opposite sex because quite frankly the less you understand the world around you the far more prone you are to serious grief and misery.
Frankly though, for women not going for seemingly prude or responsible guys - I really think it has absolutely nothing to do with fear of Sodini's walking around everywhere, perhaps some women have had some terrible things happen to them at the hands of a rare breed of self-loathing guy, but I can't imagine that being much more than a rather esoteric minority of women. More often, what I notice with even my female friends and acquaintances, they aren't closed to a guy who's more reserved, just that a guy who's very expressive and uninhibited does a heck of a lot more for them on every level. That said - its perfectly fair in that guys are just as screwed up on looks, I know from my own experience that I cannot be physically attracted to most women I meet, personality being part of that but otherwise looks are an absolute boundary (and the more I like her as a person a) the worse I feel about it and b) the less I want to lead her on). As a guy I can't say that seemingly ferile/uninhibited women don't drive our hormones wild, it seems like for all of us - as humans - its a primal issue, and uninhibitedness in a natural selection sense says that someone's genetically robust enough that people either know to leave them alone or that they've had the privilege of being charming/attractive enough not to get stepped on once in a while is proof of something like genetic royalty. When it seems like someone's had to really wrestle with life to get by, ie. seems too serious, that's when quality control in our DNA steps in and lets us know that they're not healthy.
I think what's at play with guys who are taken, if there's any truth to this study, is that they likely let their guard down because all of a sudden they have no reason to feel nervous around women - they have one (nervousness of course is far more often a subconscious process that isn't easily tuned out sheerly on will). Most women of course have more class than to chase after guys who are taken but, those who would in many cases may in fact do so and its mostly on the attractiveness of the guy's newfound reduction in inhibition or anxiety. Important to note that the guy doesn't have to even be a geek or stuttering mess, even a small amount of anxiety broadcasts everywhere as does the lack thereof. |
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HH
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 316
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | On the bright side though the world is definitely not full of Sodini's. I think even looking at 1 guy out of 100 or even 200 as being that sort of misogynist is way out of league with reality. |
Right, but the Sodini's aren't really the main issue. The incidence of intimate partner violence is extremely high, and so is the rate of petty violence by men against women they barely know. I know I said "not another Sodini", but that was just to get the idea across that there's a mechanism of weighing probabilities of violence going on. |
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0_equals_true
Genuine Charlatan
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 7000
Location: London
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:56 am Post subject: |
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I think you can over rationalise when it is nothing to do with the conscious mind. They are successful mates that is what makes them attractive. I haven't seen the study I don't know how repeatable it is. I agree that there is something in it; however humans have a complex and dynamic hierocracy. So it would be interesting to see what happens when you repeat the experiment, but when the female partner wouldn't be from the same social standing. Or the male or both.
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