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bakattsura
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 11, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 26
Location: Massachusetts
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 Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:47 pm Post subject: Do you find you get along better with people with AS? |
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Most of my circle of friends seems to have unintentionally filled itself with people with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm curious to know whether or not that happens for a lot of other people here, too.
I've always held that having Asperger's Syndrome, in effect, is a lot like being from another culture, and that being around other Autistic people is like being with your own people. I've been dating someone who also has Asperger's Syndrome for two years now and it's been going really well; we can talk about problems without ever fighting, and just get along really well even when things are going badly, because we always work things out rationally together.
Have you found this to be the case, or is it just my personal experience? |
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WritersBlock
Raven
Joined: Oct 14, 2009
Posts: 113
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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I don't get along with any other people on the spectrum. The IT guy at our office is on the spectrum and can't be bothered to respond when I say, "good morning". In fact I am pretty certain the guy hates me despite not having exchanged more than a dozen words in 3 years.
The most judgemental people I have exchanged words with are on the spectrum.
Last edited by WritersBlock on Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:09 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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protest_the_hero
He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future.
Joined: Nov 15, 2008
Age: 170
Posts: 1039
Location: Ottawa, Ont.
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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I haven't really had any problems with them but I don't really tend to find them to be better friend material per se.
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Guitar obsessed since 2008:p |
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LostInSpace
The Librarian
Joined: Apr 17, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 2520
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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In college (when I had a much larger pool of people to choose from), most of my close friends either had Asperger's (they were officially dx'ed), or they were undx'ed to my knowledge but exhibited very clearly Aspie behavior. Unfortunately, none of them live even remotely close to me, and I haven't stayed in good touch. Nowadays I'm a virtual recluse.
I've found that Aspies and Aspie-ish people are much more likely to have interests in common with me, to enjoy pursuing those interests with obsessive zeal, and in general to enjoy spending time the same way I do (ex. obsessively discussing a TV show at home rather than going to a bar). I also tend to have more interesting discussions with them- diverging from the typical small-talk topics of the weather, sports (ugh), etc. They also don't have weird reactions to many of my comments the way my NT coworkers do.
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"We are all more human than anything else."
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gramirez
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 10, 2008
Posts: 1019
Location: Illinois
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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No better or worse than with NT's. It all depends on the person.
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-Gil |
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Laney2005
Raven
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Age: 26
Posts: 108
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I've met two other people in my life that I know have AS. I have enjoyed the company of both of them, though one was a student of mine and the other a teacher of mine. I don't know if you could say that I "prefer" their company over anyone else's. I mean, it's different in a good way.
It reminds me of a trip I took to Mexico. Although I speak some Spanish, it was very difficult to communicate with people there who spoke only Spanish. I would use the wrong word, not understand most of what was said, or conjugate a verb incorrectly, and it was very frustrating. When I found someone else who spoke English, it was a feeling of relief-- someone else speaks the same language I do!!
Talking with people on the spectrum is like that-- when I talk to people who are full-out NT, things get mixed up. Talking with someone who is, say, ADHD and therefore falls in the grey area (though I think it has a place on the spectrum, or at least in the same neighborhood... but that's another post entirely) is a little easier. Talking to people who are on the spectrum is like... coming home. After trying to make sense of everybody else and everything else that has ever happened, it's a relief. But the experience I have had is limited, so I cannot judge for sure.
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"I don't get the facts wrong! It's everything else I screw up!"
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wblastyn
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 23, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:10 pm Post subject: Re: Do you find you get along better with people with AS? |
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| bakattsura wrote: | Most of my circle of friends seems to have unintentionally filled itself with people with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm curious to know whether or not that happens for a lot of other people here, too.
I've always held that having Asperger's Syndrome, in effect, is a lot like being from another culture, and that being around other Autistic people is like being with your own people. I've been dating someone who also has Asperger's Syndrome for two years now and it's been going really well; we can talk about problems without ever fighting, and just get along really well even when things are going badly, because we always work things out rationally together.
Have you found this to be the case, or is it just my personal experience? |
I can relate to this, as 3 of my friends have AS and I have known them before I even knew what AS was. I tend to be naturally drawn to "unusual" people, and evidently some of these people have AS. None of them actually have a diagnosis although one is seeking one, the other is fairly certain she has it but doesn't seem to care about a diagnosis and the other one is blissfully unaware but she exhibits all the signs (constant talking without knowing people are bored, etc).
Another question is whether people with AS tend to get on better with the same or opposite sex as friends? I'm male and tend to get on better wuith females for some reason. |
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Odin
Supreme Genius
Joined: Oct 13, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 2092
Location: Moorhead, Minnesota, USA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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Not necessarily just other Aspies, but most of my friends tend to be, in general, eccentric and disabled. My best friend has a TBI from being shaken as a toddler and she is in a wheelchair and has some emotional, judgment, and mental issues, (but is of normal intelligence despite the TBI). Another friend has Cerebral Palsy and is working on a business degree, big history nut and love have long conversations with him.
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My Blog: My Autistic Life |
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Spokane_Girl
There's no crying in baseball
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 8676
Location: Rockford (hometown Oregon)
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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It depends on the aspie. I also get shy around them too just like I do around regular people.
I was once friends with an aspie in real life but I didn't know he was a bully. We got along well and understood each other and then I felt hurt and taken advantage of when I found out he was a bully and he was mean to my brothers behind my back and so many lies he's told. My mom said he lies to everyone so it had nothing to do with me being naive.
I used to think I could get along with all aspies but no I have found out not all of them are going to like me and some will attack me or pick on me just like normal people. There will be aspies out there I can't stand due to their personality and one of them would be always arguing with me because my view is different than theirs or my opinion or them being wrong about a fact and arguing with me about it and not believing me. God I can't stand those people, I had an ex like that and he wouldn't shut up until I agreed with him and yeah I got mean with him when he do it. I would scream and he shut up because he didn't like being yelled at. I always threatened to scream if he doesn't stop and he would. But at least it showed me how irritating it is when you do that so I stopped. My ex was annoying too because he argue over facts that were wrong so I always told him to go look it up and wait till I got to the internet to look it up to show him. I get annoyed when my husband argues with me over facts and I yell at him and I hate it when he argues with me over directions because he sucks at them and I am good with them. Luckily he shuts up. Hey even people off the spectrum do this too but it's probably more common in us so they had decided to make it part of AS but I think they can learn.
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I'm a Peach
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Tim_Tex
Bunnies!!!
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 29
Posts: 30852
Location: To Be Determined
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 7:07 pm Post subject: Re: Do you find you get along better with people with AS? |
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| bakattsura wrote: | Most of my circle of friends seems to have unintentionally filled itself with people with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm curious to know whether or not that happens for a lot of other people here, too.
I've always held that having Asperger's Syndrome, in effect, is a lot like being from another culture, and that being around other Autistic people is like being with your own people. I've been dating someone who also has Asperger's Syndrome for two years now and it's been going really well; we can talk about problems without ever fighting, and just get along really well even when things are going badly, because we always work things out rationally together.
Have you found this to be the case, or is it just my personal experience? |
I agree 100% with what you said.
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If he caught him, there wouldn't be any more Road Runner. You wouldn't like that, would you? |
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Shebakoby
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 06, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 648
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know any AS people in town.
But if the people I get along with on the net are AS, I would have to say yes. |
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AMD
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 19, 2009
Posts: 198
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Well, my son's circle of friends contain a couple boys who i think are on the spectrum. I know they both have IEPs like him and i have met both. I think what draws my son to them is because they make him laugh with their inappropriate behaviors. As far as me...i don't have any friends on the spectrum...or really any period unless oyu count net friends.
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This could get long... |
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Willard
Suicide Mohel
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 1552
Location: CSA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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I've never known anyone officially diagnosed, but I have known several people over my life whom I would bet a twenty dollar bill were, if not full-on Aspie, at least somewhere on the spectrum. I got along with all of them okay, but was much more comfortable with some than others - it helped if we had similar or overlapping obsessions. A couple of them kind of latched onto me because I was sympathetic and tolerated them when others would not.
I can say every actual friend I've ever had, people that I went out of my way to socialize with outside of work, were all at least outside the mainstream, open-minded and unique thinkers, out-of-step with the rest of the world and that's what made them interesting and fun to be around.
Regular people, normal, everyday garden-variety humans - BORE ME TO DEATH. I know they mean well, but I can only take a few minutes of their inane babble before I'm scanning the room for all marked or unmarked points of exit. The mundane, pointless things they can talk about on and on and on...what's WRONG with these people? Its so hard sometimes not to cruelly bludgeon them with sarcasm just to get them to shut up and go away.
Well, it would be - if, of course I were capable of understanding sarcasm. 
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Blindspot149
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 08, 2009
Posts: 534
Location: Aspergers
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 1:52 am Post subject: |
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I don't have many 'friends'.
The two people that I spend most time with, outside of my family, are both very good and very comfortable socializing with me one-on-one and have never expressed any desire to bring more people into our quality time together.
One of them has indicated that he thinks he 'might be a bit like me', the other one is definitely an NT (I think  )
My new discovery of my autism, AS, means that I am more likely to go up and speak to a 'geek' at parties.
I have always been quite a good athlete, which is another reason I could never see myself as geeky because.........geeks don't lift weights do they; and jocks are 'cool'.
I spoke with someone at a party at the weekend who showed what I thought were clear spectrum signs.
I feel some guilt about all of the people like him (and ME) that I have previously chosen not to interact with and at the same time I think I feel a sense of peace at finally 'coming home' and being able to see (and perhaps feel) a sense of connection with one of my own!
There is a wonderful line in the movie 'Blood Diamond' (I love watching movies), delivered by the Danny Archer (played by Leonardo Dicaprio) that I think sums me up perfectly;
'I am exactly where I am supposed to be'
My experience with some NTs at least, is that they seem to prefer (be more 'comfortable') to have at least a small group if they are going to open their mouths. I have had a few specific comments from NTs about me like;
'It's hard work talking one-on-one with someone'
'You (Blindspot) are quite intense'.
I am a very newly discovered person with AS.
I have probably never met anyone on this site personally before but I would like to express how very sorry I feel for all the times that I ignored or was other other than kind to people like me.
It was done in ignorance but it was done none the less.
I'll try to keep my postings a bit shorter.
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Now then, tell me. What did Miggs say to you? Multiple Miggs in the next cell. He hissed at you. What did he say?
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countzarroff
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 28, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 180
Location: Massachusetts
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:37 am Post subject: |
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| I really have only met a couple of them in person. Most of my friends are neurotypical. But I always love the people I meet online so I can say that in a way I definately get along with most of them. |
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