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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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 Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:27 pm Post subject: Embarrasing Problem; Anyone Else? |
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I've recently become sexually active, after a really long time. To my dismay, my partner cannot penetrate me. And, it hurts a lot when he does try. Thankfully, he is very patient and gentle with me. But I feel sort of embarrassed and frustrated, because I really want this intimacy with him. Is it possible for a woman to "shrink" from long abstinence? Or, is there something else that could be wrong? I never had this problem in the past.
Have any other women had this problem, and what did you do to remedy it, if anything?
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RainSong
Seatbelts Totally Cause Autism
Joined: May 02, 2006
Posts: 4451
Location: Georgia
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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Have you talked to your doctor about it? It sounds sort of like secondary vaginsmus, which can come up at any stage in life, even if you never had problems before. Here is a site about it; that might help.
If you don't think that's it, it is possible for a woman to become tighter if she's been inactive for a long period of time. There are dialators (which are essentially a set of increasingly larger dildos) that can be used to start stretching out again. However, unless y'all aren't taking the time to get to the point where you're sufficently aroused and/or he's unusually large, it's not that likely.
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"Nothing worth having is easy."
Empathy is when you feel the emotions of someone else despite never having been through the same or similar situation. Sympathy is when you feel the emotions and have been through the same or similar situation. |
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OuterBoroughGirl
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 03, 2009
Age: 28
Posts: 49
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:54 pm Post subject: |
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Been there, done that. For penetration to be possible, there needs to be lubrication. I believe that most women have the necessary vaginal fluids come on cue, which facilitates the penetration. I don't have it that easily myself. With previous partners, I've found that a generous application of KY Personal Lubricant was effective in remedying the problem.
With S, my present partner and the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with, we have discovered another tactic. I apologize in advance if this is too graphic for anyone.
S generally performs oral sex on me first, taking plenty of time to thoroughly lubricate the area with his tongue. That method works quite effectively. That also helps stimulate the area, bringing forth some natural lubrication. I just need a little extra help with that. S and I only need to use lubricant when we're pressed for time.
I apologize for the graphic post, and I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable. I hope my suggestions helped somewhat.
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| RainSong wrote: | Have you talked to your doctor about it? It sounds sort of like secondary vaginsmus, which can come up at any stage in life, even if you never had problems before. Here is a site about it; that might help.
If you don't think that's it, it is possible for a woman to become tighter if she's been inactive for a long period of time. There are dialators (which are essentially a set of increasingly larger dildos) that can be used to start stretching out again. However, unless y'all aren't taking the time to get to the point where you're sufficently aroused and/or he's unusually large, it's not that likely. |
Thanks for the link. I also made an appointment with my Gyn doctor to discuss this. I had never heard of this problem before, and was curious if anyone else had it.
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:58 pm Post subject: |
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| OuterBoroughGirl wrote: | Been there, done that. For penetration to be possible, there needs to be lubrication. I believe that most women have the necessary vaginal fluids come on cue, which facilitates the penetration. I don't have it that easily myself. With previous partners, I've found that a generous application of KY Personal Lubricant was effective in remedying the problem.
With S, my present partner and the man I hope to spend the rest of my life with, we have discovered another tactic. I apologize in advance if this is too graphic for anyone.
S generally performs oral sex on me first, taking plenty of time to thoroughly lubricate the area with his tongue. That method works quite effectively. That also helps stimulate the area, bringing forth some natural lubrication. I just need a little extra help with that. S and I only need to use lubricant when we're pressed for time.
I apologize for the graphic post, and I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable. I hope my suggestions helped somewhat. |
No, you haven't made me uncomfortable. I appreciate the input. I don't think that lubrication is the issue. It's just that it hurts when he tries to enter me. I did have a hysterectomy a few years back, and wonder if that has anything to do with it.
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Azharia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 334
Location: Cork, Ireland
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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Well if you dont think it's lubrication maybe I can't contribute anything, but I will say I was unable to have intercourse at first when I became active.
Just wasn't damp enough. We always use lubricant now, and it helps even more to have stimulation before hand. Pleasure helps relax the muscles of the are and make them ready for penetration. |
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Anna4077
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 13, 2006
Posts: 139
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Maybe you could try the back door instead... |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
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Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 34
Posts: 8667
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Anna4077 wrote: | | Maybe you could try the back door instead... |
Ouchy. I always thought that sounded so painful. There is even less lubrication there, surely |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Anna4077 wrote: | | Maybe you could try the back door instead... |
 I don't understand your suggestion. I know that gay men feel pleasure being penetrated back there, but that act would be merely a source of pain for me. And, I find the idea of it disgusting.
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Sublyme
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 309
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:49 pm Post subject: |
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When you had your hysterectomy did they also take your ovaries? That could definitely be the problem. It would have put you in a state of menopause instantly, causing the vaginal tissue to atrophy, which could make sex painful. Estrogen creams can help rejuvenate the tissue, and make sex more comfortable.
I used to have this problem and I haven't had a hysterectomy and I was nowhere near menopause (age 21 at the time). All of a sudden sex hurt...and I mean...really HURT. It felt like a razor cutting me. It made sex almost impossible. I went to a bunch of different ob/gyns, and supposedly it was all in my head...there was nothing physically wrong with me....no reason for the pain. Then I found out about a condition called vulvar vestibulitis, a form of vulvodynia. It's caused by a overgrowth of nerves due to inflammation. I found a doctor that specialized in treating painful intercourse, but I had to wait a year to see him. It was worth it. He listened to me and told me it wasn't in my head, and that I did have vulvar vestibulitis. He gave me a lidocaine gel to numb the vestibule so sex was possible. I wasn't completely numb, but sex wasn't nearly was painful. He also gave me an estrogen cream, which I don't think did much.... Sex wasn't as painful, but I always needed to use the lidocaine, and some of would inadvertently numb my boyfriend too.
Then a few years ago I started having seizures as a side effect of an antipsychotic I was taking, and ended up on 2400mg of neurontin a day. Somehow this fixed the pain problem along with the seizure problem, and I no longer needed the lidocaine. Eventually I came off the neurontin and the pain hasn't come back. Anit-convulsants are sometimes used to treat nerve pain. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Sublyme wrote: | | When you had your hysterectomy did they also take your ovaries? That could definitely be the problem. It would have put you in a state of menopause instantly, causing the vaginal tissue to atrophy, which could make sex painful. Estrogen creams can help rejuvenate the tissue, and make sex more comfortable. |
No, they didn't take my ovaries. But I am suspecting that atrophy can happen just from being sexually inactive for a long time. It has been 7 years since the hysterectomy, and I have only just started having menopausal symptoms; hot flashes, irritability, etc. I think the ovaries eventually dissolve or something.
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Azharia
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 334
Location: Cork, Ireland
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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Well perhaps you do need oestrogen. My mom is on them at the mo for other reasons down there.
Talk to a specialist? |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 4853
Location: In the Fortress Of Solitude
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 4:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Azharia wrote: | Well perhaps you do need oestrogen. My mom is on them at the mo for other reasons down there.
Talk to a specialist? |
I have been reading extensively about menopause. One of the things that I am finding is that there tends to be an estrogen "dominance" in women today, caused by increasing use of plastics in our environment, for starters. I am seeing an acupuncturist for hot flashes, and they have greatly diminished. I don't think it is safe to add estrogen when there may be too much of it in my body already. I had started using progesterone cream, but stopped because I read that it might cause cancer. I guess I will wait to see what the Gyn says.
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