Automated Phone System for a Relationship (mostly humor)

Aspie1 · Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:40 pm Post subject:

I was using my aspie creativity skills, and came up with an idea. It's intended to save on maintenance in a relationship by delegating some of it to an automated phone system. My future girlfriend would call a number (heck, make it a toll free line) for the usual relationship things. Now, this is not intended to be misogynistic in any way; it's an aspie-ish way of dealing with it with what's expected of people in relationships, and maybe a tongue-in-cheek way of poking fun at it. Now I'm sure that more than many aspies and 100% of NTs will not want a to date someone who has this phone system, but like the title says, it's for more for humor than anything else, in a "what if" kind of way.

This system will work like any automated phone system on a customer service line. Since WP forums, don't allow tabs, I'll have to write it like this. First level menu options will be shown in bold; second level options will be shown in italics; third level will be underlined; instructions and descriptions will be in regular text. And so, here goes. Let me know what you think of this. With a possible exception of the compliments part, this can work for both men and women. (For men, it can be replaced with "to request sex, press 1", lol.)

Hello, and welcome to Aspie1's Relationship Line. Please listen to the following menu options.
(1) To hear a compliment, press 1.
(1) To hear a compliment about your hair, press 1.
"Your hair looks beautiful today."
(2) To hear a compliment about your eyes, press 2.
"Your eyes really sparkle."
(3) To hear a compliment about your clothes, press 3.
"Wow, you look great."
(4) To hear a compliment about how you feel, press 4.
"Your smile just lights up a room."
(5) To hear a compliment about something you did, press 5.
(1) For a recent achievement, press 1.
"Congratulations. You did a great job."
(1) For a past achievement, press 2.
"You've done a great job before, and you can do it again."
(*) To move up one level, press *.
(2) To schedule a date, press 2.
(1) For a regular date, press 1.
"Enter the date, using the year-month-day format with leading zeros, then press #."
"Enter the time, using the hour-minute format with leading zeros, then press #."
"Speak a short description of the event into the microphone, then press #."
"Thank you, the date request has been submitted. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(2) For a special date, press 2.
(1) For a birthday, press 1.
(2) For an anniversary, press 2.
(3) For a holiday, press 3.
(4) For another occasion, press 4.
"Enter the date, using the year-month-day format with leading zeros, then press #."
"Enter the time, using the hour-minute format with leading zeros, then press #."
"Speak a short description of the event into the microphone, then press #."
"Speak a short description of the clothes to be worn, then press #."
"Enter the romance level of the date, using the scale of 1 thru 9, then press #."
"Thank you, the date request has been submitted. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(3) To receive a cute text message on your phone, press 3.
"A randomly generated cute text message will be send to the number you're calling from. This feature will not work if you're on a landline. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(4) For additional options, press 4.
Pressing this number will simply let the caller hear options 5 thru 7.
(5) To request a specific present on the nearest special occasion, press 5.
(1) For a romantic present, press 1.
(2) For a fun present, press 2.
(3) For a homemade present, press 3.
(4) For a sexy present, press 4.
(5) For another type of present, press 5. Please mention the type in the description.
"Speak a detailed description of the gift into the microphone. When finished, press #."
"Thank you, your request has been recorded. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(6) To voice a complaint, press 6.
(1) If this complaint can be addressed and corrected, press 1.
"Speak a detailed description of what caused the complaint, then press #."
"Speak a description of how this can be made right, then press #."
"Thank you. A notice has been sent. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(2) If this complaint can be neither addressed nor corrected, press 2.
"Speak a detailed description of what caused the complaint, then press #."
"Speak a description of the consequences, then press #."
(1) To enter the number of days you refuse to speak, press 1.
"Please enter the number."
(0) "Notice about the consequences has been sent. Press * to move up one level, or hang up."
(1 or higher) "Notice about the consequences has been sent. Your phone number will be blocked from this system for the next [number entered] days." <disconnects>
(*) To move up one level, press *.
(7) To end the relationship, press 7.
"Your break-up has been noted. Press # to confirm your choice."
"Press # again for final confirmation or * to cancel."
(#) "Your phone number has been permanently blocked from this system." <disconnects>
(*) "You will now be returned to the main menu." <returns to main menu>
(0) To speak to Aspie1 directly, press 0.
"Transferring to Aspie1's line." <beep-beep-beep beep-beep-beep beep-beep-beep-beep>