Casual Cruelty/Impersonal, Apathetic Responses

Goose · Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:29 pm Post subject:

Dear Fellow Aspies,

I am finding this a very "cold" social-emotionally time of the year. Does any of you feel the same way? I find people are just cold and unsympathic even apathetic at this time of year. Does any of you feel the same way? I also feel lonely, hopeless and unloved, even in despair at this time of year.

I recently lost my wallet on the a local public bus, it wasn't recovered, even though I was the only one on the bus at time. I needed to ride the bus again for my therapy session. My father gave me some quarters, which I left in my apartment by accident, so I did not have my i.d. which entitled me to free transportation or the quaters. So, I explained to the bus driver my situation, and she wouldn't listen to me, and he said saying "off. Get off the bus." I tried to explain to her. And, she snapped her fingers, and said, "now." I left, and then meltdown in private. Internalizing my anger and resentment.

Maybe she was justified, maybe she wasn't? I don't know. But, one thing I am clear about, is that she didn't need to be nasty, caually cruel, impersonal and apathetic. It upset me the rest of the day.

I am sick and tired of whenever I make a mistake, I am hunan too, that neurotypicals absolutely tare-into me. And, use this as an opprotunity to be what I would call "abusive." I accept that people have bounderies and issues and rules, what I don't accept is a total lack of mercy or compassion or even ascertiveness versus agressiveness. I believe deep down that I don't deserve to be treated like this. I have a right to make mistakes and to learn from them like everything. Without it wrecking habvoc on my mental health.

Thanks for letting me vent on this matter!
_________________
Daniel Salomon, OEF