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swansong
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:25 am    Post subject: 30 Pieces Of Advice For High School Students Reply with quote

As a person who is graduating high school very soon, I have advice for students in
high school or students who are soon going to be high school students. Many of
these are based on regrets that I have made or regrets that people I know have made.
I don't consider myself to be an authority figure or a professional of any kind and
I do not mean to be condescending or professorial. Many of these may be obvious to
you, but these are a list of things I wish I was told before I during my early years
of high school, and I am sure others can benefit from reading this

1) Do Not Be Too Quick To Judge
Do not value first impressions highly. Don't dismiss a person or idea too early
just because you immediately get a bad impression from it. You will miss many
opportunities because of that. Just because something seems bad at first
impression, does not mean it is bad. Try to give everything a fair chance.

2) Do Not Let Your Friends Slip Away
If your friendship with someone is slowly weakening, take iniative immediately to
try to repair it instead of allowing your situation to exacerbate. Identify a
possible reason why the friendship is weakening. If you think is your fault, try
and make ammends immediately.

3) Do Not Ever Hold Grudges
Holding a grudge is like holding a trade embargo. It is intended to hurt the other
party, but it hurts you equally. Spending your high school years focusing on the
tension between you and another person is not pleasant. Be quick to forgive.

4) Do Not Seek Revenge
Unless revenge is entails little effort, will be effective, and puts you at no risk
for consquences, do not seek it. Just let it go and move on. If it's tension
between a person from your school, you will never see them again in a few years.

5) Do Not Get Into Drama
If the problem doesn't involve you, don't get involved. As tempting as it seems to
get in a conflict, mediate, take sides, and try to resolve it, it just isn't worth
it. It may give you enemies, it is a huge waste of time, and it produces no
benefits for you.

6) Pick The Right Classes
Once you pick a class, you are stuck with it for the whole year. Don't pick a class
that you won't want to take for the whole year for a stupid reason. There are so
many classes and only a limited amount of them you can take, so think carefully.
High school is an opportunity to learn about so many things, so just pick courses
that you always wanted to learn.

7) Have Respect For Authority
No matter how much you may dislike them at the time, just remember that teachers and
parents care about you and are only doing their job. Listen to their advice and
heed it. Don't argue with them and just obey them.

8.) Get Your Driver's License Right Away
Keep that on a high priority. Pass the written test as soon as you can. Get as
much practice as you can and pass the driving test as soon as you can. Don't push
this off until later. Get this out of the way as soon as possible.

9) Don't Be A Victim Of Fads
Wearing the latest fashion, getting the newest electronics, getting a popular
haircut, and spending much time trying to follow the latest trends is all a waste.
Fads don't matter in a few months and they are not in your interest - only in the
interest of giant corporations who market to the masses.

10) Don't Try To Please Everybody
There is no way you can please everybody or get everybody to agree with you. Don't
spend any effort trying to please others who will never like you. It is a huge
waste of time.

11) Do Not Draw Negative Attention
Don't say anything offensive and do not be a pessimist. Don't have bad hygeine or
act immaturely. It takes a lot of time to repair a bad image and it is better to
have no attention at all than to get negative attention.

12) Join Several Clubs / Activities
It is a great way to meet friends, take up new interests, augment your college
application. What's not to like? If you don't, you may be missing on several
opportunities.

13) Do Well In Academics
That's the one thing that you don't want to screw up. Develop good academic habits
for college, absorb the information being taught to you, and walk out of high school
with a good GPA. If not, you are making waste of the most important function of
high school.

14) Create A Set Of Goals
Ask yourself what you would like to accomplish by the end of high school, make a
plan on how you would like to reach them. There is a lot of room for improvement
and there is no reason not to improve.

15) Learn To Say The Word "No"
Saying "Yes" to everything is an awful vice. It can easily allow you to be
encumbered by selfless tasks which are at no benefit to you. And if you say "Yes"
to one thing, as a natural consequence, you have to say "No" to something else. So
just learn to say the word "No", a lot.

16) Make The Right Friends
Friends who use others, friends who engage in criminal activity, friends who
immature, and friends who you can never have a serious relationship with are a waste
of an investment. Make the right friends rather than being influenced by the wrong
friends.

17) Remember That You Are Young
You are immature: physically, mentally, and emotionally. You are comparatively dumb.
There is a lot of room for improvement and growth, so don't deny yourself that
improvement and growth because you think you are superior to your elders.

18.) Your Views Will Change
The views you have now, even if you hold them 100% firmly, will most likely change
as you get older and begin to mature. Your political views, your opinions, your
beliefs, your interpretation of your past, everything. So keep that in mind that
what you think now might not be true at all.

19) Learn To Take Responsibility
Doing whatever you want regardless of the consequences because your
parents or teachers are there to fix it. It's an awful habit. Learn to be
accountable for yourself and learn self-discipline.

20) Stay In Healthy Shape
Get a sufficient amount of sleep, eat healthy, take vitamins, exercise, and avoid
reckless behavior. You only get one life, so be well in it.

21) Educate Yourself Outside Of School
If school is your only source of knowledge, you will be ignorant and will probably
never even open a book after you graduate school. Learn as much as you can outside
of school: about finances, politics, marketable skills, useful skills, etc.

22) See Things In Other People's Perspective
The decisions people make, may seem odd to you, but try to step in their shoes and
try to imagine why they would do the things that they do. Were they a victim of of
something, do they have good intentions, do they have something to gain out of what
they are doing, are they thinking illogically, or are you thinking illogically?

23) Plan For After High School
You shouldn't have a specific plan on what you want to do early in high school, but
as the years pass by, make sure you have a plan. Whether it is college, a
vocational school, or the military, just make sure you have a plan for something,
and make sure you are working to acheive that goal.

24) Be Thankful Of Everything You Have
There are many people in the world who are poor, starving, uneducated, and on the
verge of death, and there are millions of people in history who have suffered from
war, famine, and slavery. So be thankful for everything you have.

25) It's All About The Habits
Bad habits are hard to break and remain with you for a long time. Don't fall into a
trap which can hurt you your whole life. Simultaneously, develop good habits which
you would like to carry with you your whole life.

26) Understand The Value Of A Dollar
The labor of a high school student is worth minimum wage (about 7.50 per hour and
possibly part time). The labor of someone who has graduated college is a salary of
around $30,000-90,000+, so understand how the money you have during high school
means almost nothing and that the money you will be making your whole life matters.

27) You Have A Lot Of Time
You have very very very high amount of free time on your hands to use however you
wish. You can waste it in front of a television screen or you can use it
productively. The choice is up to you.

28.) Realize High School Isn't The Real World
High school is not the real world. The real world isn't a closed environment. It
is a free society where people accept responsibility for their actions. What is
rewarded in high school (popularity, athleticness, rote memorization, obedience) is
different from what is rewarded in the real world. If high school isn't working out
for you, you may find yourself better in handling the real world.

29) How Will This Impact Me In Five Years?
Ask that question with every big decision you make.

30) Understand The Difference Of Scale
High school is four years long. The rest of your life is statistically sixty years
long. So ask yourself what is more important: to be more concerned with those four
years or to be more concerned about the future.

A lot of these are general, and people who read this will still probably make some
of these mistakes, but the important thing is to try not to make mistakes and learn
as much as you can from them if you do.

Please share your thoughts on this list.
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ForsakenEagle
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is a very good list. There is just enough detail to get the points across, yet is very quick and easy to read. I would recommend it.

P.S. Number 28 should be taught in every high school in the U.S.
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Apera
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

1- Or, become a more accurate judge. (Call me a cynic...)

2- I had this one friend for a while in HS... it faded. Then I saw her at college, and we were together again for a while... and I eventually decided that I really didn't like her that much anyway.

5- I have to say, this title reads like "don't join drama club." Suggest you move the words around a bit.

7- This does not preclude you from some involvement in decisions. I had an issue with being late to class. Standard procedure was to check in with the teacher, then go to the attendance office and have the secretaries fill out a slip of paper, then bring slip back to class so the teacher can throw it away. Considering that you are already late to class at the beginning of this process, it is 100% stupid. So every time I was written up for being late, and was scheduling detention with the assistant principal, I expressed my thoughts about this system in a mostly professional manner. By the time I left HS, the system had changed, and I believe I played a part in that change.

8- I hate to admit it, but this is very true. That said, don't rush it if your driving needs work.

12- I wish. Throughout MS and HS, I had nearly constant detention for being 5 mins late every other day. I could've had a social life...

17/18- Very true. It's vitally important to keep perspective in life. I believe that 27-30 tie into this too.

21- Always true. I think the most important thing you learn from grade school is math. Most of the useful things I know were learned outside of grade school. My HS had this program... sort of an exchange with these BOCES schools in the area. Basically, I would take a bus to the closest of the three schools and have 2-3 hours of career education every day. Most of the programs were 2 years, one year you'd go in the morning, the other in the afternoon. I was in a CAD drafting class. The first year went fairly well because I already knew how to operate some of the software, but I enjoyed using it to replicate scenes from Stargate. The second year went very poorly; I hated architectural stuff. Ultimately I decided that I needed to be more creative than copying other drawings for years at a time. Other programs at the school included culinary, construction, electrical, hairdressing, child care, machine shop, even a course in which you could sample about 4 different career classes. The point is, it's useful knowledge without grade school bull, so even if you don't like it you can still make a nice bit of money doing it for a short duration.

22- Important, but not always accurate. Sometimes, you get in a fight with someone who is just a jerk looking for a fight.

24- Always important.

26- Don't forget taxes and living costs. That's another thing I liked about the BOCES schools - in the second year, they had us use this online course that basically talked about taxes, mortgages, loans, investments, and all sorts of important things like that. Simple and useful, many people might have to learn these things the hard way.

Overall, not to bad. Could use a bit of elaboration.
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ruennsheng
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If only I know all these much much earlier... I would be a better man after graduation.

Especially for 9... I wished I knew this much earlier and just be myself.

I feel less confident following all those trends.
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swansong
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know that I could elaborate paragraphs onto all of them, and I could even add 200 more pieces of advice. But I wanted to keep it simple. Reading these 30 things is easy. Executing them is the most important thing.
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ursaminor
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I disagree with most of these, but maybe they are useful to someone.
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 24, 2010 2:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, ME!!! Very Happy
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swansong
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ursaminor wrote:
I disagree with most of these, but maybe they are useful to someone.


I'm curious. Which ones do you disagree with?
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Aspie1
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would like to add more. Most of them are based either on things I did right or on mistakes I made while in high school (some bad enough to result in months of bullying). My life in high school could have been so much better if I knew what I know now. And so, here are more pieces of advice.

31. Always Assume You're Being Watched
You might feel like reciting lines from the theme song of your favorite TV show as you're walking down the hall. Don't. People will see you do it, and will remember you as "that crazy kid who constantly sings". Or you might want to try out some hand gesture trick you read in a science book. Again, don't. As innocuous as it may seem to you, other kids will be quick to judge you, due to lacking maturity and/or understanding that you're just trying something from a book. If you're an adult, people will just dismiss those actions as "whatever", but in high school, they will be used against you. And given how prolific NT friend-making capabilities are, the reputation of "that kid who always does weird things" will spread like wildfire.

32. If You Feel Like You're Being Pranked, You Definitely Are
Let's say someone asks you "Are you [some word you never heard before]?". Get out of answering that question. Say something like "why, it's not like you give a rat's ass about me", "that's a strange question", or whatever your best judgment tell you, but whatever you do, do NOT give a direct yes/no answer. Most likely, it'll be the wrong one, and will be remembered and used against you. There's nothing wrong with coming out and saying "bullsh*t!" with a smirk when someone is clearly trying mess with you in a mean way. Or if you're confused if they're being mean or funny, you can say "are you actually serious?" with a look of doubt.

32a. If You Feel Like You're Being Pranked, You Definitely Are
This is a corollary. Let's say someone asks you to do something, and you get a hunch that something is a little off. It definitely is, and not just a little. Far more likely than not, you're right, and going along with it will result in humiliation. So refuse to do it. There's no need to talk in a "cool" or clever way. Plain old stubbornness will work just fine. Keep refusing no matter how much they ask you, no matter what they say, even "we're not laughing at you". You can ask: "what's wrong with doing it yourself?" If you hear "we want you to do it", then they are making fun of you, in which case, again, just refuse do anything they tell you.

33. If You Think Something You'll Say is Funny, Think Again
Supposedly you want to say something funny in front of a group of people. Think about all the things that can go badly: maybe the statement is too intelligent for who you're dealing with, maybe your tone of voice won't match the joke (common problem for aspies), maybe they don't want to hear a joke, maybe they'll pretend not to understand it just to trip you up, maybe they'll turn it against you, or maybe the joke just will be out of context. Basically, even if there's 1% chance of something going wrong, don't say it. NTs know how correct their faux pas pretty well, but for the rest of us, it's best to avoid them entirely, for obvious reasons.

34. (For Guys) Don't Worry about Dating Standards
This may seem to go against #31, but keep reading. If a girl shows interest in you, just date her. Don't worry about her being "pretty enough", which is kind of shallow to begin with. Dating someone in and of itself will give you a reputation boost, plus very valuable experience. If people keep pestering you with questions on how far you went (see #32), just come out and tell them: "I'm not sharing with you; you clearly don't respect me!" Other, more well-intentioned people will see at least one person interested in you, and respect you more because of that. After all, you were able to start dating someone, which not every aspie can pull off in high school.

35. Don't Go to Dances
Despite what I said in #34, don't go to school dances. They may be places to see and be seen for NT students, but for aspies, they're just asking for trouble. Popular kids often go to those, which may result in some unpleasant consequences for you, and that goes double if you come with a new date. They care if their friends go, but they won't think any higher of you if you show up, and in fact, might use that to raise their own status (read: by lowering yours). You, in turn, won't miss out on much. If someone asks you, just say: "I didn't go, and you can't blame me for it; I went with my date to [name of another place where popular kids don't go] instead."

36. Go to Cultural Events at Your School
Your school's art and/or music department may have plays, concerts, and other shows. Go to those. Your school's ethnic organizations may do their own shows as well. They generally attract artsy/quirky types who are friendly or at least tolerant toward aspies, which means you won't be bullied when you go. And at the minimum, you'll at least have some nice things to remember from high school, even if they'll be the only ones.

37. Don't Be Afraid to Take In-Class Interactions to the Next Level
I'm sure there will be people in your classes who you'll be on friendly terms with. Not just being civil to each other, but actual friendly terms. Ask them if they want to hang out after school, being it getting something to eat at nearby cafe or mall. Just stay away from places where everybody at your school hangs out, since you might run into popular kids there, who might try to sabotage your new friendships. Or they might not, but it's a fair warning. Ditto for romantic interests. I'm sure you'll run into a situation where you're having a long conversation with someone who might be interested in you (emphasis on they in you). Most people, guys or girls, won't be creeped out by a one-time date request, provided you make a graceful exit if the answer is no. And if it's yes, don't show too much eagerness, just make a casual plan.

38. Don't Be Afraid to Report Bullies to the Dean
After all, they won't dislike you any less if you don't. They might even make threats about it. But it's still in your best interest to report it anyway Don't tell the bullies you're going to report them, just do it without saying anything; document everything they do and say to you by writing it down in a notebook or an Excel sheet. At the minimum, the school officials might transfer you to a different class or step up security. They might harass you in the hall, saying it's "because you squealed". Well, guess what!? They'd harass you anyway, except you're not getting a mild sense of satisfaction from getting a bully in trouble. While you're at it, research possible legal actions you can take, especially if both you and the bullies are 18 years of age.

39. When Asked if You've been Doing Drugs, Always Respond with "I Wish"
Obviously, this only applies when other students ask you, and the tone should be a mix of snarkiness and dark humor. This way, you're sending important messages: you show that you can take a joke (if the question was intended as such), you acknowledge that other people may use drugs for fun, and you're basically saying no if the question was intended to trip you up or get you in trouble (such as by bullies). I didn't learn this until I got to college, but people responded really well when I answered their drug questions in this manner. Among older or smarter students, you can add a quick explanation, like "wind in my eyes" or "dry air in the building".

40. Remember That School Officials Are Generally Not Your Friends
Don't talk about anything with a school official that you don't want used against you "for your own good". This includes school counselors. Feel free to share about you academic troubles, difficulties with time management, or how you're being bullied. But don't discuss eating disorders, sex, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts, or anything that sets off moral panics. Go to a clinic or a hospital not affiliated with your school. I was smart enough not to discuss anything with my counselor except advice on which classes to register for, which is why I came out with a clean record, despite being bullied left and right, and suffering from after-effects.


Last edited by Aspie1 on Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:57 am; edited 2 times in total
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Metal_Man
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aspie 1, brilliant! I wish someone had told me those things when I was in high school.
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MomAtSchool
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Swansong and Aspie1, I am a high school autism support provider.

Would you mind if I printed your lists out for discussion with my students? I think your ideas would be helpful to several of them and great discussion prompts as well.
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Aspie1
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MomAtSchool, you have my permission. All I ask you to do is take out my username.
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swansong
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MomAtSchool wrote:
Swansong and Aspie1, I am a high school autism support provider.

Would you mind if I printed your lists out for discussion with my students? I think your ideas would be helpful to several of them and great discussion prompts as well.


I would be honored to have my list shown to high school students. Go ahead, I urge you to!!

Thank you. Cool
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MomAtSchool
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you both!
I will remove identifying information Smile
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ursaminor
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:53 am    Post subject: Re: 30 Pieces Of Advice For High School Students Reply with quote

swansong wrote:
7) Have Respect For Authority
No matter how much you may dislike them at the time, just remember that teachers and
parents care about you and are only doing their job. Listen to their advice and
heed it. Don't argue with them and just obey them.

8.) Get Your Driver's License Right Away
Keep that on a high priority. Pass the written test as soon as you can. Get as
much practice as you can and pass the driving test as soon as you can. Don't push
this off until later. Get this out of the way as soon as possible.

11) Do Not Draw Negative Attention
Don't say anything offensive and do not be a pessimist. Don't have bad hygeine or
act immaturely. It takes a lot of time to repair a bad image and it is better to
have no attention at all than to get negative attention.

12) Join Several Clubs / Activities
It is a great way to meet friends, take up new interests, augment your college
application. What's not to like? If you don't, you may be missing on several
opportunities.

22) See Things In Other People's Perspective
The decisions people make, may seem odd to you, but try to step in their shoes and
try to imagine why they would do the things that they do. Were they a victim of of
something, do they have good intentions, do they have something to gain out of what
they are doing, are they thinking illogically, or are you thinking illogically?

Please share your thoughts on this list.
22 I do not really disagree with, it is just impossible to do.
Actually not possible.
Anyone who say they know, either do not, are lying, or guessed right.
There is no way to check if they are right, because the other person might just as well lie.

Quote:
18.) Your Views Will Change
The views you have now, even if you hold them 100% firmly, will most likely change
as you get older and begin to mature. Your political views, your opinions, your
beliefs, your interpretation of your past, everything. So keep that in mind that
what you think now might not be true at all.
I do not disagree with this, it just makes me sad.

12, to me, seems useless because it disrupts my established schedule and it makes social contact necessary, but I know for sure that other people will benefit from this.
11, again, has to do with social contact.
Although I agree that no attention is better than any attention.
But my hygiene has only attracted negative attention from my mother.
8, now that I think of it, is not too bad.
But still, I could not drive.
It is too dangerous.
But luckily I live in the Netherlands, where many things are just a bike or train ride away and trains are better than cars because there is space and some trains still jiggle a bit and that puts me at ease.
7 is something I have always had problems with.
Not so much my lack of respect for authority, moreso the response that evokes in those people.
I am going to explain why I have problems with authority.
In every situation, the authority that I am supposed to respect is not built on evidence of some sort.
Whose authority I do not respect usually does not handle that kind of thing well, feeling attacked, and when I ask for a reason for them to have that authority, they do not ever give me an answer that would logically follow from a question, instead chooses to diverge from the topic of the person and criticizes me for questioning authority.
I think this kind of behaviour was also explained in another thread, in the category of Logic Boy.
I certainly do not respond well to rules without logical basis, and when there is, is not provided to me.
Authority is something I do not understand fully and to me seems like a lousy excuse for anything.
Even when I can come up with the answer myself, the person not being able to answer the question or not willing, makes me angry inside because if they cannot even answer why they should have authority, they should not be doing something that, if questioned, relies upon the argument of authority.
Also, using authority as an argument is a logical fallacy and I do not respond to logical fallacies.
They are however, extremely common in interaction.
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