Is Aspergers the 'anti-charisma' disorder?

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Well is it?

When I think back on life it seems to me that people take offense if not instantly, then quite quickly at things that NT's are allowed however much I try and moderate my mode/behavior/opinions.

I appreciate that lack of 'empathy' and 'theory of mind' understanding is our curse but I have learned a lot and become almost over compensatory in this regard. Still being honest, even handed/logical/lacking in prejudice seems to be inherently offensive to NT's [particularly stupid or ignorant ones]. There is this kind of social fascism that I run up against, resulting in me becoming a pariah/bullied and often the target of bitter nasty haters.

Do other people have this problem or is it just that I am an []?
Nicer people seem to find me good natured, kind hearted, honest and very tolerant/accepting so I suspect some people find this threatening and without that certain something [charisma] easy to isolate and project their poison at.

What do you all think, how are your experiences?


j

I can only agree with you.

The few NTs who I call friends swear I'm the nicest person in the world, but that doesn't change the fact that most people I've met, since I was very young, seem to have disliked me to some degree. I just seem to annoy people with my strange sense of humour, or my tendency to over-generalize and see everything in black and white. This has been pointed out to me enough times. I have a theory that some societies are harder on aspies than others. I'm from South Africa, which is quite "warm and open". People expect you to be social, and the counteraction is more severe. Now I live in Scandinavia, where it's easier to hide social eccentricity. Anyone else experience that?

I've often looked at "charismatic" people with great jealousy, because somehow they possess the thing I just cannot learn. I've learned to be empathatic (which I now overcompensate for). I've learned to fake small talk if the occasion calls for it. I can smile and nod and do all the other things that NTs seem to value - not because I'm fake, but because I really want to do the NT dance, but I'm like someone born legless trying to foxtrot on prosthethic legs.

Charisma is the one thing I feel we'll never have, because it isn't something you can learn - charisma is how people react to you.

This is why I like this forum ... questions like these help remind me to take it easy and not try so hard to impress people.

I've never been told I was annoying, but a guy did tell me once that I had "no charm". I think he meant I didn't consciously project a socially animated girly flirty demeanor. Nope, I don't. I would feel silly.

About the same as yours. My wife says I am one of the nicest guys anyone might ever meet, but most folks seem to feel differently.

A friend once commented that I say things other people only think about, and someone else once made a comment that I say things that (or even to) shock people into thinking.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, eh?!

Some people cannot think for themselves, and some simply will not (because they are afraid of doing so) ... and that leaves the rest of us here on the wrong planet.

waste is a terrible thing to mind, also - as in wasted effort in finding friends/friendly people that are not there IRL, wasted effort in trying to deflect the inexorable path of life in a naive residual yet pernicious belief in "free will."
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things are just peaches and scream all over

My experience has been quite similar, I think.
As the old cliche goes, "it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it".
I've often witnessed NTs get away with comments, jokes and digs that I just know I could never get away with.
Sometimes I manage to kill conversations dead with words that would surely have a different effect coming from the mouths of NTs. Other times, my monotonous voice just gets drowned out and ignored in the din of the crowd.
Apparently, the AS diagnostic criteria mentions something about "unusual prosody". It sounds so trivial, but it's something I find very frustrating - when things I say just don't come out right.

It is stupid that NT can get away with saying the wrong thing yet we can't. That I believe is aspiphobia whether they know that we have AS or not. Charisma itself only works on those who a neurotypical feels he/she is a member of his or her favourite social group. Some people have said that I was irritating but I find neurotypicals irritating or most of them that is at times. Empathy well no one has empathised with us as Asperger syndrome people so from my reasoning why should I empathise with anyone else. If people do empathise then I can, The fact that neurotypicals can get away with being downright rude then that is absolutely disgraceful that. When we try to be polite but just comes out wrong then we get ticked off. I think that this sort of discrimination should stop. You cannot have one rule for one and another for everyone else I believe.arrow:

Actually, I have known a fair number of folks on the spectrum who are very charming. Granted, it is a different sort of charm... but just as effective. From my experience, spectrum people whom say 'to heck with trying to copy something that I cannot for the life of me understand' actually tend to be very well-liked... not that people always know exactly what to do with them, but this actually adds to the charm.

I think this mostly applies to me. People generally seem to like me, even though they concede that I come off as an arogant jerk at times.

I am sorta like this. I think part of it has to do with that fact that since I am unhindered by NT mannerisms, I have the 'balls' to do what alot of NTs wish they had the 'balls' to do. I have been told that by alot of people, so yeh. That and the fact that somehow it made a few people view me as a badass (which I am not AFAIK).

I also tend to say s**t that catches people so unawares, that they tend to freak the hell out and just shut down.

You may come off as an arrogant jerk. My family calls me an ass/as*hole on a daily basis.

People seem to like me when they get to know me but almost no one bothers to get to know me unless we have to work together (and even then not always). In a casual meeting I think I come across as arrogant. I don't mean to but, knowing my own weaknesses, I prefer to say too little rather than too much.

I think this is very true. I moved from a 'cold' country (UK) to a 'warm' one (Spain) which you'd think would be more difficult but I'm in a small but cosmopolitan town and most people accept my 'foreignness' as just that, whereas in my home town they think I'm a weirdo.

I am also not charming in any girly, flirty way. Can't be bothered with it.

I know when I do rub someone the wrong way, I really p*ss them the hell off, but by and large most people seem to find me tolerable and amusing. It's just the Alpha control types who can't stand me, because I don't bend when they apply pressure.

There are occasionally those who are disturbed by the fact that I'm so quiet, because they take that to mean that I dislike them. My silence simply means I have nothing to say. Their self-esteem deficit and social paranoia makes me dislike them.

I think I may have similar experience to Willard, except I don't know sometimes when I'm rubbing someone the wrong way. I get puzzled by the behaviours that people I'm rubbing someone the wrong way exibit to "punish" me for my unexceptable behaviours (unexceptable in their eyes, not mine, nor nice peoples). I'm also puzzled by people who view me as pliant because I'm quiet and then get angry/annoyed when I don't obey.

Willard, any tips on knowing when I'm rubbing someone the wrong way? It's just that I'd like to know, so I can tell them to buzz off before they start acting weird.

Oh, in my experience they'll let you know in a hurry! I may not pick up on a lot of nonverbal cues, but I know that wrinkle-nosed sneer that says "I reeeeaaallly dislike you". And the dismissive change of subject when you say something that tramples on their religious beliefs or political opinions.

That's the sure sign of a sheep whose opinions have been spoon-fed to them by a third party - they know what they've been told is true, but they don't have enough knowledge about that 'truth' to defend it when it's challenged.

and - scene.

That's a wrap, people...table read on Tuesday...

I can definately put myself in the same boat as you as well. Alot of times il only talk if something absolutely needs to be said. If i get even the slightest bit of alcohol into me though, expect me to act VERY NTish

Thanks Kaysea.......I get that.

I am a "well-liked and respected weirdo"

But have had "psycho", "as*hole" and "freak" thrown at me by well-meaning ignoramuses. I am sure my behaviour has called for the names occassionally

Mics

Well all of you have written stuff I relate to,

The alpha types hate me, the stupid are threatened by me etc....

As for the different cultures thing? I live in New Zealand, famous for it's 'friendliness' but that's not entirely true, we are a parochial people who are threatened by difference and keen to cut down the 'tall poppy'.

Tony Attwood writes that often Aspie get on with other cultures better because they tend to write off any oddness to cultural difference and I am inclined to agree. I live in a guest house/backpackers and get on fairly well with foreign guests but am hated by many of the kiwi long term resident population as 'arrogant', 'opinionated' etc, not to mention getting on a little too well with foreign female guests which I put down to my being kind of 'innocent' or unthreatening in a sexual context.

I too have learned to 'ape' NT behaviors and pretend interest in small talk but come across as a 'try hard' and 'insincere' so usually can't be bothered as it fails to work anyway.

I am glad that here however there are people who understand and can sympathize/advise a little,

thanx j