How not to come across as creepy.

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For the men, I've detailed some things, in a somewhat random order, to heed when approaching women.

This is geared towards adult men, as the dynamics between teenagers is a little different on some matters.


1. Do not mention anything of a sexual nature.
2. Respect her personal space. Do not touch her. Do not stand too close to her.
3. Do not stand in close proximity just staring and breathing heavily.
4. Do not ask too many questions. If the conversation consists of you asking questions and her giving terse answers, she likely is not interested. If she is interested, SHE will continue the conversation when you stop asking questions.

5. Do not ask information that a woman generally is not comfortable giving out to strangers. For example, do not ask where she lives. Do not ask her age.

6. Do not ask her name up front. You may tell her your name. If she does not respond by introducing herself, she doesn't want to give you her name. If you are able to have a conversation with her and she seems to be receptive to it, you may ask her name at the end of the conversation.

7. Conversations should consist more of exchanges of statements than questions.

8. Just because she smiles it does not mean she is interested in you. A better indicator is how willing she is to continue the conversation when you go silent. That still might not mean she is interested in you, but it does indicate she doesn't think you are creepy.

9. Don't approach women who are young enough to be your daughter. I know you still might feel (insert age) even though you don't look it....but so do women your age, so give them a chance.

10. Do have maintain good oral hygiene.

11. Do wear clean clothes.

That's all I can think of right now aside from that which should already be obvious to sane people.

The general points are, give her space and be non-intrusive, both physically and intellectually.

I think personal space and silent staring are the two main ones.

It doesn't matter how old someone is, not all older ones are creppy. I don't think talking about sexual things is creepy, its less about what they say and more about the vibe they give off.

Reserved, alone and staring, not smiling makes me think "creep"
Standing too close is creepy, regardless of whether they're heavy breating or not.
Also anyone I define as "creepy" is almost always silent.

Outgoing guys might be dicks but they are open enough and talk enough not to be creeps.

A creep to me is the definition of the word creep "Slow and silently walking" but change walking to the behaviour of men.

Heh, I'm mostly on #11 recently. Then again, when it's finals week, you can't really count it. You're not exactly looking to meet people anyways. Still though, I somehow failed to find time to shower for a while last semester. u___u; ... I was usually aware of it though at least, and didn't sit close to anyone if I could possibly avoid it, or even think about suggesting romantic-type things. xP... Still, it was annoying, and yet somehow I just couldn't seem to find the time. o_o;;

Yeah though, it is kind of sad that the quiet ones are usually either decidedly creepy or completely ignored. >.<; ... I don't tend to fall into this myself. I'm the awkward social self-starter that weirds people out a lot. Still, I meet a lot of cool people that way, so it works out. xP

One really good way to avoid being 'creepy' is context-dependant.

I'm mildly embarrassed now to think about it, but I was really neurotypical and judgemental about one thing in my teens and twenties; guys who didn't know the social rules would quite frequently approach me when I was walking home at night.

Almost all women may find being approached by male strangers when they're walking at night really uncomfortable. If you do this, you need to be aware that they may be likely to 'slot' your behaviour into their mental file for Mad Stalker as they may not have any other referents. By 'approached' I mean a romantic or sexual or friendly approach like 'have you got a boyfriend?', 'would you like to go for coffee?', 'I like you, do you like me?' 'do you want to be my friend?' or similar. That sort of approach crosses normal boundaries (it's trying to short-circuit the 'natural' way of approaching somebody in a relaxed context and because of common interests or work or whatever), and because the woman may interpret it as threatening ('he's a stalker'), she may well not realise that it may be an inept attempt to make friends rather than an aggressive, demanding or needy approach.

Several of these men immediately tried to deal with my nervousness by explaining that they were not Mad Stalkers, they were really nice men. This never works. Trust me on this.

Add a rule to your mental toolkit, if it's not there, for: if a woman may find an approach 'threatening' because she's trying to get home and doesn't want to be approached romantically, think first.

Woofb

As a woman with over 20 years of adult experience (a rather unique way of saying "pushing 40") I think that Chronos' ideas are right on the mark!!

When someone is not very good at reading subtle social cues - it best to play it safe. I think that Chronos' rules are "safe bets" for someone who is not as skilled at reading people.

I venture to offer some words that will allow men or women to exit a conversation when they can see that the other party is uninterested or otherwise unengaged.

"I hope you enjoy the rest of the (day/party/bowling/bus trip/ etc etc). Take care," and smile politely and make your leave.

This will make you look gentlemanly or ladylike (for us girls out there).

When meeting my last girlfrend I broke 8 out of your 11. Just goes to show if a girl is attracted to the guy she will overlook all these things....That's creepy.

You missed one.

Probably the most important way not to appear creepy is to smile often and maintain proper eye contact.

........oh, wait...

Ummmm, OK, I'm happy with most of the items on the list but I'd like to take issue with #6. For an aspie asking a woman to tell you her name is about as easy as calculating Pi on your fingers and so guys almost always get it wrong. In thirty years or so I've only ever found ONE way of doing this that works and it has a reasonable (not 100%) success rate:

1) Did the conversation go well, if yes then do this and if not then forget about it.

2) Wait until the very end and then ask "before you go I need you to let me in on the big secret".

3) At this point she's got to say something because people are curious creatures and anyway the question is carefully phrased to avoid a yes/no answer, so she's going to ask what the secret is.

4) "My name's Vanilla_Slice, what's yours?"

Most times I get a smile, almost always I find out her name, and the next time we meet I make sure that I remember it. Ladies, please feel free to make use of this if you see a guy you like. You'll probably make his day and it might be me.

Vanilla_Slice

Not all silent guys are creeps. They don't have to say much, if they're not blatently staring from a corner by themselves, they're usually fine.

Also men who say things like "how would you like a new friend" set off the creep siren pretty badly. I've gotten this on dating sites from 40 year old men.

Creepy is a guy who hides his intentions.

I find men who befriend you so they can eventually get into you creeps.
I find people who sit and stare but don't do anything else creeps, or any sort of behaviour that they're doing to make you porposely uncomfortable.. is f***ing creepy. (like that guy standing behind you and heavy breathing)

I'm open minded sexually so saying sexual things doesn't make them a "creep".. desperate and unattractive maybe but not a creep.

It's impossible to not be creepy at least once in a while.

If you try to be social with women, eventually you're going to make a mistake, or they'll perceive it as a social faux pas, depending on their mood or who you remind them of. Even if you're just being friendly, they might not believe it.

If you're only partially social with women, you can still slip up once in a while and come across as awkward. Well hell, men are only human. Also, you can be the funniest guy on the planet- if you're not attractive and they think you like them, you're screwed.

If you're never social, then you'll get labeled mysterious, or disaffected, (who are we kidding, "creepy") and you wonder what the hell you did to deserve such hostility. If you try to prove people wrong, you already have strikes against you, so any attempt to change their mind could backfire. So you go back to minding your own business, which is creepy.

So......... it's a numbers game. Easy come, easy go. And if somebody eventually thinks your creepy, who gives a ****. Take it in stride and move on.

If you want to know how NOT to be creepy; do NOT be like this

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk8egz_yXL0[/youtube]