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marshall
Under the whirlwind
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 2:44 pm    Post subject: Too tired to work. Reply with quote

Sometimes I don't see what the point is in coming into work when I'm too tired to get anything done. Yet I have to come in and sit at my desk in order to be paid. It would almost be easier if I had a job that required physical activity. I just HATE the fact that I never get enough sleep at night no matter how tired I am. Yet unlike almost everyone else I can't function AT ALL when I'm tired. It's not even a f*****g choice. I just have ZERO motivation. I don't understand how other people can tolerate life. Right now it seems like I'd rather sleep for the rest of eternity. How do other people tolerate dull tedious work? People who sit at their desk and answer the phone all day? I think I've come to the conclusion that most people are dumb f*****g robots. I wish I was a dumb f*****g robot too. I wish I didn't need stimulation to feel awake or alive. I wish I didn't have to even be conscious. What's the f*****g point. I really hate life. I hate it SO SO MUCH. People try to make small talk with me "how was your weekend" and all I have to say is "fine, how was yours", "fine", blah, blah, blah. I can't say what I really feel which is "My weekend was f*****g boring and I'm too f*****g tired to care about yours, come up with a better topic or just GO AWAY and leave me alone!".
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League_Girl
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 2:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have a job where I work as a janitor and it's lot of walking and my legs gets sore but it keeps me awake. At least I get exercise to stay in shape.

Maybe trying to find another job where you can move your body may be the best for you such as housekeeping or janitorial or housemen work.

Then I come home and I am tired and I seem to sleep better because I am exhausted. Right now I don't know if I can work full time because I have less energy these days.
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CockneyRebel
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get tired at work, as well, but I'm cleaning parking lots, picking up that garbage. It keeps me awake, because my sections have to be done, by 8AM, so I just keep on going, and though I'm not all that in shape by any means, I do get my exercise, and I've been maintaining the weight that I'm at, for two years.
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 5:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also do this kind of work. I clean offices and I drive from job to job. It is absolutely mindless but that frees up my mind for random musings. I am tired when I get home but not stressed unless I've had a really long day because just being out there is stress. No doubt you could do better but it doesn't have to be a job where you're stuck all day in a non stimulating environment. For the record, I've had a few office workers who say they wish they had a simple job like mine because they go nuts too. Do you get exercise? I think that would help. Anyway, I understand. The short drive from job to job us essential for me to sort of "reset". I couldn't stand it if I was in one place all day.
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zen_mistress
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to do a lot of forum/net stuff at my office job, when noone was watching. Otherwise I dont knowhow I would have survived. Humans arent built to sit in a cubicle, doing monotonous things for 8 hours. The people i your office you see doing it arent having a lot of fun either, but they probably have their facebook pages open and reduced.. and they accept the job as a tradeoff for the life that they want.. ie money to spend in their spare time, and money for their own place.
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marshall
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

zen_mistress wrote:
I used to do a lot of forum/net stuff at my office job, when noone was watching. Otherwise I dont knowhow I would have survived. Humans arent built to sit in a cubicle, doing monotonous things for 8 hours. The people i your office you see doing it arent having a lot of fun either, but they probably have their facebook pages open and reduced.. and they accept the job as a tradeoff for the life that they want.. ie money to spend in their spare time, and money for their own place.

9-10 hours of work (including commute time) + 8 hours of sleep leaves only 6-7 hours per day for the rest of your "life" which in turn gets eaten up by other tedious house work, and then by the time you're all done you're too tired to feel any joy. How the hell do people get up in the morning? Why don't more people just kill themselves? It makes no sense to me. And yet I feel guilty when I spend the majority of some days browsing the net, and even then I feel depressed.
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DonkeyBuster
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just spent the whole weekend helping my SO move into a new office, and I'm wiped out. Spent the day in bed, could spend another. I'm with you, I don't know where others get their energy.

I also can't stand to listen to others blow-by-blow recounting of their damn dull weekend. Which generally consisted of visiting with family (ugh), drinking (ugh), and watching TV (double retch!)

Maybe this all has something to do with the rise of zombie fiction.... pop culture is eating their brains, great oozing, festering, stinking gangrenous idiocy walking around in bodies that should reflect the same.
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you made sure there isn't another physical reason for your fatigue? Thyroid? B12 levels?
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monsterland
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:28 pm    Post subject: Re: Too tired to work. Reply with quote

marshall wrote:
Sometimes I don't see what the point is in coming into work when I'm too tired to get anything done. Yet I have to come in and sit at my desk in order to be paid. It would almost be easier if I had a job that required physical activity. I just HATE the fact that I never get enough sleep at night no matter how tired I am. Yet unlike almost everyone else I can't function AT ALL when I'm tired. It's not even a f***ing choice. I just have ZERO motivation. I don't understand how other people can tolerate life. Right now it seems like I'd rather sleep for the rest of eternity. How do other people tolerate dull tedious work? People who sit at their desk and answer the phone all day? I think I've come to the conclusion that most people are dumb f***ing robots. I wish I was a dumb f***ing robot too. I wish I didn't need stimulation to feel awake or alive. I wish I didn't have to even be conscious. What's the f***ing point. I really hate life. I hate it SO SO MUCH. People try to make small talk with me "how was your weekend" and all I have to say is "fine, how was yours", "fine", blah, blah, blah. I can't say what I really feel which is "My weekend was f***ing boring and I'm too f***ing tired to care about yours, come up with a better topic or just GO AWAY and leave me alone!".


You're experiencing depression, which I also see as a higher form of awareness. Our brains are naturally wired to dull that awareness, and they are also wired to take joy from small everyday tasks, be it eating a burger, playing a videogame, driving a car.

You're experiencing a chemical disbalance. Though what you feel is in fact true - this reality is pretty dreadful - the trick is to reframe how you see things. This trick requires fixing your brain chemistry.

Fixing brain chemistry requires physical activity. One that you enjoy, and become better at, as time goes by.

Why? Because, in addition to the physical aspects, you're helping your subconscious FIGHT TIME. Your subconscious believes that everything gets worse with time, but when you are actually getting BETTER AT SOMETHING with time, it negates deep negative programming.
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aimless wrote:
Have you made sure there isn't another physical reason for your fatigue? Thyroid? B12 levels?

I could see. I think it's all depression though. I'm not fatigued when I'm doing things I actually like. It's just rare to have any interest in anything once I'm tired and then I can't ever recover from the tiredness because the depression interferes with my sleep. I might need electroshock therapy or something. I don't see any kind of antidepressant ever working for me after all that I've tried. At least none of the legal drugs work. This all really worries me though. Maybe I'm just too far gone but I can't even imagine how life can be enjoyable. I just feel like I need more than what life has to offer. I can't imagine being happy unless I could become a totally different person. Or perhaps a lobotomy would do the trick.
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

marshall wrote:
Aimless wrote:
Have you made sure there isn't another physical reason for your fatigue? Thyroid? B12 levels?

I could see. I think it's all depression though. I'm not fatigued when I'm doing things I actually like. It's just rare to have any interest in anything once I'm tired and then I can't ever recover from the tiredness because the depression interferes with my sleep. I might need electroshock therapy or something. I don't see any kind of antidepressant ever working for me after all that I've tried. At least none of the legal drugs work. This all really worries me though. Maybe I'm just too far gone but I can't even imagine how life can be enjoyable. I just feel like I need more than what life has to offer. I can't imagine being happy unless I could become a totally different person. Or perhaps a lobotomy would do the trick.

I spent a good part of my life wondering when I got to die. It wasn't sadness so much as exhaustion. Anti depressants helped but did not take care of the fatigue completely. I felt more positive but was still prone to intense sleepiness if I wasn't stimulated. Meds for ADD helped more but not completely. The doc said the fatigue was a part of my executive dysfunction associated with the ADD-Inattentive type. Then I tries sub lingual b12 and I could tell an immediate difference. I am now taking 1,000 mcg of b12 and feel significant results. I have my son take them and his grades improved. A friend that complained of feeling emotionally and physically exhausted started on them and was amazed at how much better she felt. She had just had blood work done a bit before and she saw in the results that her b levels had been low.
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think I'll be alright. I only slept 4 hours or so two nights ago and I'm having trouble recovering from it. I just feel I really need to talk to someone at times like this but there isn't anyone. I have my father but he doesn't know how to listen. He just doesn't get it. I can't explain it to him what I need. It angers me. People in general just irritate me. I probably need to break down and cry tonight before I can sleep. Something has to release. It's so sad. I don't even know how to get myself to cry. It's the only relief. Otherwise when all my energy is gone yet I can't rest I feel like death itself is eating me alive. Sometimes I feel like a person in the desert dying of thirst, yet at the same time I have no idea what is wrong because I can't even remember what it feels like to drink and there is no one capable of understanding what I truly need since I can't even describe it. I don't know if I just let this pass. It's just when I get this low it seems to have a permanent impression on my psyche. Even when I get some sleep and feel better I still have the memory of how low I can go if I let all my protection down. It's like once you stare at the abyss just once it becomes too tangible to bear. The image of the abyss is a little less clear when I have more energy and can distract myself from it's presense, yet it's still there, like a shadow. It pervades every moment even when I'm not consciously aware of it. Depression is an awareness. Happiness and contentment is only an ephemeral fog, a soft, cushy distraction. That's the fundamental problem.
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have stood at the edge of that abyss and I have looked down. I hope things get better.
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DonkeyBuster
Phoenix
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Know what you mean about needing the release of crying but not being able to.

I'll deliberately manipulate myself to get the tears flowing... watch a movie or TV show I know will provoke sadness, for example. Once I get things loosened up, then I can switch to what's really bothering me.

While my mom was dying, I felt terribly sad, but couldn't release the tears. I'd watch Grey's Anatomy & that would get things started. Then I could reflect on loosing my mother and allow myself to truly feel her suffering and loss.
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2010 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just had another fight with my dad. Mad
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