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lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 10:01 am

hi

my 12 year old daughter has just been extremely violent to myself and my 8 year old. She really hurt me and Im very upset.

She is currently in her room screaming and smashing things.

I dont know what to do.

I ve really had enough, should I sign her over to social services, or call the police or what.



zeldapsychology
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21 Aug 2010, 10:11 am

Well I'm 24 and sometimes I myself just trigger and I get upset. I pushed my dad just last week and I've yanked my little sisters a few months ago. Sadly my parents don't let things go. I'm curious WHY is your daughter violent. Have you asked for example: Why did you hit me etc? From reading these boards some children on the spectrum such as myself as a child threw tantrums and were angry/violent even then. (I guess I haven't fully grown up) :-( I'd ask her why then go from there. Perhaps some therapy a PSYCHOLOGIST! NOT a Psychiatrist they'll just put her on pills to solve the problem and based off my experience they don't help much (I myself on another issue I'm still depressed from losing college sadly no pill or talking therapy has helped me much.) I hope you can get her the help she needs. :-) Good Luck!



lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 10:17 am

She attacked me as I told her to go to her room as she was being violent to her little sister. She was being violent to her little sister as she was asking for help on the computer.

she did it last weekend too for being sent to her room and smashed lots of things and was trying to smash her windows and run away (theres a child lock on the window).

Ive just had enough shes so difficult. She is violent or runs away any time she is asked to do anything or told off.



lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 10:18 am

she has always been like this since she was little but it is worse now as she is the same height as me. She is more 'moody' and beligerant since she started puberty.

I just dont know what to do :cry:



gramirez
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21 Aug 2010, 10:28 am

lotusblossom wrote:
I just dont know what to do :cry:

Risperdal?


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lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 10:33 am

gramirez wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
I just dont know what to do :cry:

Risperdal?

we see an autism specialist (clinical psych) at CAMHS (children adolecent mental health services) but she does not beleive in medication and says that you have to expect that sort of behaviour if your child has ASD. She says I just need to be firm.

However whenever I 'put my foot down' my daughter smashes up the house and hits and kicks me.

She did it once with the social worker which made her understand what I was talking about but she maintains that its caused by my bad parenting and I just need to be more firm.



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21 Aug 2010, 12:24 pm

I think she does indeed need medication as well as counseling or some other tool to teach her appropriate ways to deal with emotions.

Don't blame yourself, NO amount of firmness and discipline will alter an ASD brain.


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jojobean
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21 Aug 2010, 12:47 pm

When I hit puberty, I did so with a vengance as well. Things did not get better for me until I was put on mood stablizers.
Alot ppl are anti-medication, but it really helped me be more humane towards others. Stay away from rispertal and other medications that cause weight gain. Geodon works well for me, but not for alot of ppl. Also some can cause excessive sleepiness which can be very disruptive in school (sleeping through classes, not wanting to get out of bed to go to school, falling asleep in the bathroom...I did that on paxil)
It will take some tinkering to get it right...dont give up if one medication does not work, try anouther one or a combo.
Also notify the psychatrist if she has sezuires as some will cause them like zyprexia (which also causes weight gain and stupor)

Those who keep seeking are never truly lost...a therapist told this to my mom and it kept her going...and is true


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lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 12:55 pm

the CAMHS says they wont give any medications for under 16s.



jojobean
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21 Aug 2010, 1:12 pm

I just talked to my mom who is a resource guru and she said The Emory University in Atlanta, Ga has a big autism center that may help her. Also you need to look into what your comunity offers as far as in home mental health care. She also said since this is happening on the weekend, it looks like she is having alot of trouble with unstructured time which autistic ppl thrive on structure.
So you might want to look into a mental health day treatment center which will provide structured time. Also do you have insurance? If so, you might want to look at a short term impatient crisis center, or short term mental health facility. Don't let them put her in a long term facility...they will only make her worse as they are known to be abusive and poorly structured.
I have been in mental facilities in the past as a kid, and do your homework, some a very good, while others are abusive warehouses for loonies. Sometimes a kid can be so far gone that you cannot keep them at home...it is heart breaking, but for her safety and the safety of the family...you may have to look at other options such as a group home or a facility while she gets better adjusted. But as always reasearch the facility well, and if she says someone is miss treating her, take it seriously. You also need to look into a doctor who specailizes in neurolinguistics and psycholgists that specialize in autism. And dont blame yourself, sometimes puberty has this effect on an autistic mind.


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lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 1:23 pm

Im in the UK so we dont have insurance just NHS.

She goes to an autism school, it does have a residential unit attached to it, so it may be possible to get them to let her stay there. It costs them a lot of money so I cant see that they would be willing. I dont think my social worker would aprove either as she wants her to go to 'mainstream' school and would not want her spending more time at the 'special' school. but I shall ask, school goes back in 2 weeks so I will ask her teacher then.

I will ask the social worker on monday about temporary foster care. The respite she is suposed to get doesnt happen as her challenging behaviour is too bad for them. So I dont know what they will do to help. I expect she will just tell me off and tell me to make another reward chart :?

I feel quite defeated right now and very sad.

My mum is coming tomorrow to visit the children and she said she will talk to my daughter and try and think of some solutions. She said to just keep out of my daughters way as much as I can.

:cry: :cry: :cry:



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21 Aug 2010, 1:55 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
hi

my 12 year old daughter has just been extremely violent to myself and my 8 year old. She really hurt me and Im very upset.

She is currently in her room screaming and smashing things.

I dont know what to do.

I ve really had enough, should I sign her over to social services, or call the police or what.


It would really help if you could get the father involved. Threaten to send her to live with him. Or threaten to turn her over to social services. Follow through on those threats.

I suggest you avoid drugs like the plague. They are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Drugs cannot cure or treat AS, they only create dependencies. Find the source that caused the meltdowns and work at them from that direction. All meltdowns have a trigger and it may seem totally irrelevant to an NT - such as you buying her a new pencil.

Whichever parent was the source of the AS is probably a resource for how she thinks. That is probably the father.



lotusblossom
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21 Aug 2010, 2:15 pm

n4mwd wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
hi

my 12 year old daughter has just been extremely violent to myself and my 8 year old. She really hurt me and Im very upset.

She is currently in her room screaming and smashing things.

I dont know what to do.

I ve really had enough, should I sign her over to social services, or call the police or what.


It would really help if you could get the father involved. Threaten to send her to live with him. Or threaten to turn her over to social services. Follow through on those threats.

I suggest you avoid drugs like the plague. They are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Drugs cannot cure or treat AS, they only create dependencies. Find the source that caused the meltdowns and work at them from that direction. All meltdowns have a trigger and it may seem totally irrelevant to an NT - such as you buying her a new pencil.

Whichever parent was the source of the AS is probably a resource for how she thinks. That is probably the father.

we dont have contact with her father.

I have aspergers but I dont relate well to her as she has autism and pda, when I was a child I wanted to do the right thing and was a stickler for rules and being helpful, she is very not like me and very 'un-rule bound' and only wants to do what suits her.

the trigger is being told what to do or being disaplined, she has always reacted badly to that (hense the PDA diagnosis).

I think if I give her up to social services even temporary it will be a one way thing and she wont come back as it will put such a wedge between us. I dont think anyone forgives their parents for gining them up to SS.



n4mwd
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21 Aug 2010, 2:54 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
we dont have contact with her father.

I have aspergers but I dont relate well to her as she has autism and pda, when I was a child I wanted to do the right thing and was a stickler for rules and being helpful, she is very not like me and very 'un-rule bound' and only wants to do what suits her.

the trigger is being told what to do or being disaplined, she has always reacted badly to that (hense the PDA diagnosis).

I think if I give her up to social services even temporary it will be a one way thing and she wont come back as it will put such a wedge between us. I dont think anyone forgives their parents for gining them up to SS.


She sounds like she totally lacks empathy. Most aspies have some empathy, but not as much as most NTs. Also, aspies and auties of the same gender don't usually get along that well in person. That would explain some of your difficulty with her.

The father would be the best solution, but a male friend would also be a big help if the father cannot be contacted.

I heard that 'temporary' custody by the UK SS actually means permanent. If she continues to misbehave, pack her suitcase and take her over there. Ask her if she wants to be turned over or if she will behave. If she agrees to behave, then take her back home (without signing anything). If she wants to leave you, then let her. Your other daughter needs some peace.

There are some drugs that are not doping agents and will help her to learn empathy. Drugs like MDMA and oxytocin. In the US, MDMA is illegal (extacy), but oxytocin is common. The last I heard was they even make a nasal spray version special for autistics. Oxytocin is a natural hormone found in NTs but not so much in autistics. Maybe ask about those.



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21 Aug 2010, 2:59 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
NO amount of firmness and discipline will alter an ASD brain.


It may not alter the brain, but it will by-god alter the behavior and I'm living proof of that.

You cannot mollycoddle someone who acts out violently just because they have a disability. The vast majority of kids with AS/HFA are perfectly capable of understanding what is acceptable behavior and what isn't, no matter how frustrated they may get. The key here is 'acceptable' - if you keep getting away with it, you'll keep doing it, that's human nature.



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21 Aug 2010, 5:08 pm

It sounds to me as though your daughter is dealing with uncontrolled meltdowns, emotions, and stress. Medications such as risperidal can help to regulate the emotions, but ultimately, they are temporary and side effect prone. What your daughter really needs is to learn how to better handle the stress, and emotions which are causing the meltdowns. That is a much better long term solution and comes with no negative side effects. So, to that end, I would start working with her on effective emotional and stress management techniques. If necessary, medication can be helpful in dealing with it in the short term while you sort things out, but for long term improvement, your going to need to address the cause.

Also, have you read my new book yet? It is available from the link in my signature. It talks about stress, the causes, the problems, and how meltdowns occur. It also talks about how to deal with meltdowns, and more importantly, what to work on in order to avoid them. It may be very useful in your situation.


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