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Do you always have to repeat yourself? 1, 2  Next  
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menintights
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:39 am    Post subject: Do you always have to repeat yourself? Reply with quote

It seems that every time I decide to speak up, a "what?" inevitably follows and I'd have to repeat myself and have a little "why did I bother?" moment going on. The thing is I don't know what the problem is. Is it (1) because I speak too low? (2) because I speak too fast? (3) because I have an accent? (4) because I just make no sense?, or (5) a combination of any of the above? (Although in any case, I always end up feeling self-conscious about my accent and the fact that I don't look like a native-born citizen (i.e., a normal person).)

Anyone have a similar problem? Suggestions?
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to have a big problem with mumbling and not being able to project my voice so people could hear me. It made a lot of people really frustrated with me. Strangely after I was diagnosed with chronic depression and medicated at age 35, I stopped having problems. I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to. Now, sometimes my voice comes out too loud. I'm wondering if you are mistakenly assuming the other person can hear you just because you can hear yourself.
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Keith
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always got this until I decided to do something about it. Wait for their attention, when they ask me to repeat, I wait a few seconds because people do ask you to repeat and as soon as you start, they then "hear"what you said the first time
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Celoneth
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm always repeating myself, it's very annoying - I think I either talk too quietly or at the wrong moments or everyone around me is distracted - I wait until it's my turn to speak but I still get it.
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mgran
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to get this a lot, and in my case it was an odd accent, combined with speaking far too fast, and jumbling up my ideas. Grammatically I would be perfectly correct, but people aren't used to three or four clauses in a spoken sentence. And that would sometimes be the minimum.

Since I've been on medication people are understanding me far better, and I'm able to slow down my train of thought and recognise when I'm about to "go off on one."

You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.
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Keith
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 8:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe they aren't used to proper English? When I say that I mean for your area - of course Smile
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thegreatpretender
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aimless wrote:
I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to.


That is interesting: I have exactly the same behavior. I usually tend to speak clear enough so the person I am talking to can understand me, but mumble enough so people a bit further do not. I hate the idea of people external to the conversation listening to what I say.

I guess in many cases the lack of appropriate/expected body language may impede communication. People may not be expecting you to talk and be unprepared to listen because you did not "look" like you were about to talk.

Body language is definitely important in communication. I recently had a funny incident at work, where I very clearly told colleagues that something needed to be done urgently, but because I did not "look" like it was urgent, they assumed otherwise, based on my body language. Funny..
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Darklinggirl
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 12:05 pm    Post subject: Repeating yourself Reply with quote

I am always having to repeat myself. However on reflection I noticed that this was only in connection to my interractions with men. How odd..... Rolling Eyes
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clumsybee
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I usually repeat myself around my family... they've gone to too many NASCAR and dirt track races, so they have some hearing loss. Around others I normally don't have to unless it's a really loud environment that I'm stuck in.
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CockneyRebel
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I always have to repeat myself, and I know that it's because of my accent, which I do not wish to lose.
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menintights
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aimless wrote:
I used to have a big problem with mumbling and not being able to project my voice so people could hear me. It made a lot of people really frustrated with me. Strangely after I was diagnosed with chronic depression and medicated at age 35, I stopped having problems. I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to. Now, sometimes my voice comes out too loud. I'm wondering if you are mistakenly assuming the other person can hear you just because you can hear yourself.


So how did you learn to project your voice correctly? Every time I try to "speak up," I end up yelling, which just makes me sound like an idiot. I'm so jealous of people who can speak loud enough even on the freeway.

And yeah, I also tend to lower my voice in case it's too loud and everyone else can hear me.

Keith wrote:
Wait for their attention, when they ask me to repeat, I wait a few seconds because people do ask you to repeat and as soon as you start, they then "hear"what you said the first time


I've tried that, but I think it just makes me look like I'm lacking confidence? (Since I have to wait for them instead of calling for their attention myself.)

mgran wrote:
You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.


I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)

What medication did you take?

thegreatpretender wrote:
Body language is definitely important in communication. I recently had a funny incident at work, where I very clearly told colleagues that something needed to be done urgently, but because I did not "look" like it was urgent, they assumed otherwise, based on my body language. Funny..


You just gave me an idea... thanks! Very Happy

CockneyRebel wrote:
I always have to repeat myself, and I know that it's because of my accent, which I do not wish to lose.


Yes, well, if I had a Cockney accent I probably wouldn't want to lose it either. What I've noticed is accents that originate in a white-dominated country tend to be "cute" or "sexy." Accents from the rest of the world? Not so much.
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Aimless
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@menintights

I don't know. I didn't consciously do anything. I also stopped getting the "what's wrong?" and "why do you look so angry?" comments, even though technically I was still walking around with no expression. I found that the antidepressants helped me with more than just the depression. As far as speaking louder I think I just began speaking more confidently and the idea that someone outside the conversation might hear me became much less stressful.
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vikingsteve
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 1:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Happens to me all the time. I don't think people are able to understand me because I don't like to speak loudly, mainly because I feel I really do not need to. Sometimes they say I am mumbling, but I know I'm not. They're just not listening correctly.
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Asp-Z
Clockwork Planet
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 1:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I get this a lot from my mum. Not usually from anyone else, mostly just my mum. She then says I'm the one with the problem. Rolling Eyes
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mgran
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 2:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

menintights wrote:

mgran wrote:
You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.


I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)

What medication did you take?
I take quetiapine (an anti psychotic) and lamotrigine (a mood stabiliser) for bipolar issues. I've recently had my medication changed, but I'm still thinking more clearly than six months ago.
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