Do you always have to repeat yourself?
It seems that every time I decide to speak up, a "what?" inevitably follows and I'd have to repeat myself and have a little "why did I bother?" moment going on. The thing is I don't know what the problem is. Is it (1) because I speak too low? (2) because I speak too fast? (3) because I have an accent? (4) because I just make no sense?, or (5) a combination of any of the above? (Although in any case, I always end up feeling self-conscious about my accent and the fact that I don't look like a native-born citizen (i.e., a normal person).)
Anyone have a similar problem? Suggestions?
I used to have a big problem with mumbling and not being able to project my voice so people could hear me. It made a lot of people really frustrated with me. Strangely after I was diagnosed with chronic depression and medicated at age 35, I stopped having problems. I think I was subconsciously keeping my voice low because it made me anxious to think anyone could overhear me besides the person I was speaking to. Now, sometimes my voice comes out too loud. I'm wondering if you are mistakenly assuming the other person can hear you just because you can hear yourself.
I used to get this a lot, and in my case it was an odd accent, combined with speaking far too fast, and jumbling up my ideas. Grammatically I would be perfectly correct, but people aren't used to three or four clauses in a spoken sentence. And that would sometimes be the minimum.
Since I've been on medication people are understanding me far better, and I'm able to slow down my train of thought and recognise when I'm about to "go off on one."
You didn't say whereabouts you are from originally, or where you live? I'm also a "foriegner" as it were, but I'm the same colour as everyone else, so as long as I keep my gob shut I'm okay.
thegreatpretender
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 20 May 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
Location: London, UK, World
That is interesting: I have exactly the same behavior. I usually tend to speak clear enough so the person I am talking to can understand me, but mumble enough so people a bit further do not. I hate the idea of people external to the conversation listening to what I say.
I guess in many cases the lack of appropriate/expected body language may impede communication. People may not be expecting you to talk and be unprepared to listen because you did not "look" like you were about to talk.
Body language is definitely important in communication. I recently had a funny incident at work, where I very clearly told colleagues that something needed to be done urgently, but because I did not "look" like it was urgent, they assumed otherwise, based on my body language. Funny..
So how did you learn to project your voice correctly? Every time I try to "speak up," I end up yelling, which just makes me sound like an idiot. I'm so jealous of people who can speak loud enough even on the freeway.
And yeah, I also tend to lower my voice in case it's too loud and everyone else can hear me.
I've tried that, but I think it just makes me look like I'm lacking confidence? (Since I have to wait for them instead of calling for their attention myself.)
I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)
What medication did you take?
You just gave me an idea... thanks!
Yes, well, if I had a Cockney accent I probably wouldn't want to lose it either. What I've noticed is accents that originate in a white-dominated country tend to be "cute" or "sexy." Accents from the rest of the world? Not so much.
@menintights
I don't know. I didn't consciously do anything. I also stopped getting the "what's wrong?" and "why do you look so angry?" comments, even though technically I was still walking around with no expression. I found that the antidepressants helped me with more than just the depression. As far as speaking louder I think I just began speaking more confidently and the idea that someone outside the conversation might hear me became much less stressful.
I'm from Southeast Asia, currently reside in California (have been for 10+ years). I think I also look okay when I'm not saying anything (I've been approached by people who mistakenly thought I was normal, nice, friendly, etc.), it's when I have to repeat myself do I start feeling hyper conscious about not being/looking "native." (And of course, I tend to become so nervous when I have to repeat myself that I start butchering my grammar and pronouncing everything wrong.)
What medication did you take?