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I Think I'm a Narcissist
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Rosennoir
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Posts: 123

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:11 am    Post subject: I Think I'm a Narcissist Reply with quote

Almost all of my life I've been very lonely. I've gone from five loves to five periods of extreme depression. Two years ago I realized the wonders people can do in the world by saying what they really want to say and what they really feel; those wonders were politics.

In my struggle of life, lonely as I am, I have developed a political ideology which I plan to implement at some point in the future in the form of a party in the United States. However, as my loneliness endured, so too did my need for a cure. A cure that was self-supplied and self-sustaining. As my political ambitions have grown, and my realizations of how far I can actually get if I play my cards right, so too has my over-inflated view of myself.

I know of course that I'm no god. I can't shoot lightning from my fingertips of make the blind (Or, like me, partially blind) see with a pat on the back and a magic phrase. What I can do is talk. Rile up the emotions of an audience and have their hands flailing in my voice's wake. The approval of the audience is the only thing that can confirm my existence. In this confirmation I see the over-inflated view of myself as being approved as well. I mean, if I can make 650 cheer and rave at the conclusion of my very first speech, what can't I do? (I don't mean to sound arrogant there)

I don't want to be narcissistic, but my ego has developed itself to impose upon my id and with the evolution of my political goals, came the evolution of my leader alter-ego. I have Asperger's. All my life, I have been submissive. I have been dependent on others to show me where I'm going; to read signs for me; to direct me to places; to get me food and to keep me healthy. I think it's ironic that I started out life so dependent, only wanting to break free of that independence to become the person others solely depended on.

And the development of my egoistical "Armor" has made it hard in interpersonal relationships. However, it could also just be my vocabulary. I speak highly formally and use big words a lot without really realizing it and put people off. I don't want to turn-off people. To a crowd I seem everything and to just another person I seem a self-absorbed monster.
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conundrum
seeking harmony in an imbalanced world
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Joined: May 26, 2010
Posts: 2734
Location: third rock from one of many suns

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:46 am    Post subject: Re: I Think I'm a Narcissist Reply with quote

Rosennoir wrote:
I don't want to be narcissistic, but my ego has developed itself to impose upon my id and with the evolution of my political goals, came the evolution of my leader alter-ego. I have Asperger's. All my life, I have been submissive. I have been dependent on others to show me where I'm going; to read signs for me; to direct me to places; to get me food and to keep me healthy. I think it's ironic that I started out life so dependent, only wanting to break free of that independence to become the person others solely depended on.


Actually, that makes perfect sense. Having been dependent on others for so long, it's natural to want to do a complete 180. Your "leader alter-ego" is your idealized self.

Rosennoir wrote:
As my political ambitions have grown, and my realizations of how far I can actually get if I play my cards right, so too has my over-inflated view of myself.


If you can really do what you say re: your effects upon large crowds with your eloquence, then your view may not be that "over-inflated." I would only caution you to be careful so you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Having ideals is a wonderful thing--I'm glad that mine are still intact--but this world has a nasty habit of bruising them.

Speaking of "narcissism": re-read my signature, right now. Laughing My viewpoint is that leading people to certain conclusions in SUBTLE fashion is sometimes more effective than making lofty speeches. Maybe you could find a way of doing a bit of both.

Just curious: what is this ideology you've developed? If you don't want it publicized, PM me. I promise I won't reveal anything.

Rosennoir wrote:
And the development of my egoistical "Armor" has made it hard in interpersonal relationships. However, it could also just be my vocabulary. I speak highly formally and use big words a lot without really realizing it and put people off. I don't want to turn-off people. To a crowd I seem everything and to just another person I seem a self-absorbed monster.


You're going to have to make yourself aware of when you do this and self-correct. That's the only way to alter any undesired behavior.

If you think you're a narcissist, you probably aren't. Most narcissists don't think there's anything wrong with them--it's the rest of the world that has the problem. No, what you are is an idealist, and a person who wants to prove that he is no longer over-dependent on others--rather, he is an independent, brilliant thinker who can lead people towards something highly beneficial for society.

I hope you will PM me--I'm intrigued by this.
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The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
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MotownDangerPants
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Joined: May 14, 2010
Age: 30
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think it'd be much easier for someone with AS to develop a narcissistic personality, but that's all it is is, a personality trait/disorder that you can work on.

I think I've been narcissistic in thw past. It isn't eve because I though that highly of myself, it came from a place of not being able to relate to others because of possible AS or WHATEVER the reason I've always been disconnected is, and trying to build my own confidence. I don't have a great gauge for when I'm appearing confident and when I just appear arrogant. I know better now than I did in the past, but I'm sure that I still come off as arrogant much of the time. It's very hard not to appear this way, because I HONESTLY don't care what most people think about me and I'm not concerned about following rules I don't agree with.

You see how arrogant and possibly narcissistic that sounds. right? I don't feel that way because I think I'm better than other people, though. I feel that way because I just don't get the whole picture. I can't connect to everything that other people connect to. I can connect to some of it, and I DO follow basic rules of society because I don't think that I'm a hard ass and I don't wish to be thought of as a rebel. I actually like following some rules and fitting into the aspects of society that I understand, I sometimes like to be part of a group that works together and I know that I'm just a cog in the machine, so I'm not a narcissist, but it's difficult to think this way all the time when you can't connect to most people/groups.

Regardless, even if you may actually be a bit of a narcissist or appear to be arrogant, there are things you can do. A true narcissist cannot handle his image being compromised by definition. If you can learn to project some humility and be able to laugh at your own shortcomings, you are not a narcissist in the true sense, or one that would qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. If you can see the human side of yourself and other people and understand that everyone has their won wants/needs that may be different than your own and sometimes go the extra mile to put others ahead of yourself even when it doesn't feel natural,, you are not a narcissist.

Of course, these can be hard things for an autistic person to learn which is why the disorders/traits can seem so similar, but they have completely different root causes.
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Last edited by MotownDangerPants on Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:31 am; edited 1 time in total
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monsterland
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Joined: Dec 31, 2009
Age: 37
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rosennoir, since you're aware of what's going on in your mind, you're already on your way to self-calibration.

Most people do not look inside, they just live as "whatever".
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conundrum
seeking harmony in an imbalanced world
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Joined: May 26, 2010
Posts: 2734
Location: third rock from one of many suns

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 1:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MotownDangerPants wrote:
...I'm sure that I still come off as arrogant much of the time. It's very hard not to appear this way, because I HONESTLY don't care what most people think about me and I'm not concerned about following rules I don't agree with.

You see how arrogant and possibly narcissistic that sounds. right? I don't feel that way because I think I'm better than other people, though. I feel that way because I just don't get the whole picture. I can't connect to everything that other people connect to. I can connect to some of it, and I DO follow basic rules of society because I don't think that I'm a hard ass and I don't wish to be thought of as a rebel. I actually like following some rules and fitting into the aspects of society that I understand, I sometimes like to be part of a group that works together and I know that I'm just a cog in the machine, so I'm not a narcissist, but it's difficult to think this way all the time when you can't connect to most people/groups.


That sounds really familiar. Smile


MotownDangerPants wrote:
Regardless, even if you may actually be a bit of a narcissist or appear to be arrogant, there are things you can do. A true narcissist cannot handle his image being compromised by definition. If you can learn to project some humility and be able to laugh at your own shortcomings, you are not a narcissist in the true sense, or one that would qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. If you can see the human side of yourself and other people and understand that everyone has their won wants/needs that may be different than your own and sometimes go the extra mile to put others ahead of yourself even when it doesn't feel natural,, you are not a narcissist.

Of course, these can be hard things for an autistic person to learn which is why the disorders/traits can seem so similar, but they have completely different root causes.


Well said.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
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MotownDangerPants
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 14, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 955

PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

conundrum wrote:
MotownDangerPants wrote:
...I'm sure that I still come off as arrogant much of the time. It's very hard not to appear this way, because I HONESTLY don't care what most people think about me and I'm not concerned about following rules I don't agree with.

You see how arrogant and possibly narcissistic that sounds. right? I don't feel that way because I think I'm better than other people, though. I feel that way because I just don't get the whole picture. I can't connect to everything that other people connect to. I can connect to some of it, and I DO follow basic rules of society because I don't think that I'm a hard ass and I don't wish to be thought of as a rebel. I actually like following some rules and fitting into the aspects of society that I understand, I sometimes like to be part of a group that works together and I know that I'm just a cog in the machine, so I'm not a narcissist, but it's difficult to think this way all the time when you can't connect to most people/groups.


That sounds really familiar. Smile


MotownDangerPants wrote:
Regardless, even if you may actually be a bit of a narcissist or appear to be arrogant, there are things you can do. A true narcissist cannot handle his image being compromised by definition. If you can learn to project some humility and be able to laugh at your own shortcomings, you are not a narcissist in the true sense, or one that would qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. If you can see the human side of yourself and other people and understand that everyone has their won wants/needs that may be different than your own and sometimes go the extra mile to put others ahead of yourself even when it doesn't feel natural,, you are not a narcissist.

Of course, these can be hard things for an autistic person to learn which is why the disorders/traits can seem so similar, but they have completely different root causes.


Well said.


Hehe, thanks lol xD
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
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Age: 39
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Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can't help to wonder the same thing about myself. I look at myself in the mirror, quite a bit. I don't know if that's the case, or if it's just because of my obsession with a band, and the fact that I resemble my favourite member. It's been almost a year that I've been doing this, and I'm afraid that I might be a narcicist.
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The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul: I'm the cuddly, adorable Kink. Sweet Peas: http://s76.photobucket.com/albums/j37/Cocknee/Kinks/Sweet%20Pea%20Smileys/ Blog: http://ramblingsofasuccessfula
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