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hyperion
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 27, 2006
Posts: 507
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 Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 3:54 pm Post subject: Right now i think i ought to just commit suicide |
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Im not a troll this is quite reall
Right now i think i ought to just commit suicide. I have been so incrediblity drugged against my will that i am essentially brain dead, i have no thoughts in my head i experience just the outside world
I dont see the point of living this way.
i have drugged to the point of being made nt.
let me explain as have wierd gaba system
the drugs i was forced on screwed with gaba. I now get social cues(believe me it aint worth it0
i am not acuatlly suicidle but rather the thought(or feeling or whatever is left of me) of living as a brain damaged nt is appealing. Countinuieng to live a empty pointless existance with no joy or intellect or anything is not appealing i can no longer sleep properly, i dont enjoy food, or feel any desirea for the opposite sex or much of anything else.
me being rational sounding is incredibly bad
i was overdramitic and grandiose and not
I got obbsessed with calling some friends i made at that clinic, they said they could help
One acutaully promised to give me a place to stay and job at his company, for reall he had mansion. and i would have had a great life
but well i waited to long( and he met a girl, is divorcing his wife and selling his house
and moving. It was my fantasy and it came true, now it seems mundane and pointless even
i could go with him there would be no point, brain dead here is the same as brain dead there
but it slowly dawn on me that my problem is medical now
I have another friend who linked me up with one of the best neuroligists on the planet but....
fixing a broken brain is impossible
Is is really worth living as a brain damaged non person
having lost everything i am the way that i am
i couldnt really do it(phyically or mental) but
living like this |
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sc
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 24, 2005
Posts: 1432
Location: Fortuna California
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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I'd suggest going for a walk with some fresh air.
The labels with there sterotypes, the N.T conceptology, I believe is best to seperate from yourself.
Your not brain dead, don't have a defective brain and you are just simply the way you are.
There are better days ahead, perhaps focusing on other things, new interests and small steps to achieving your goals. |
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iamlucille
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 12, 2004
Posts: 648
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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| please just relax. it's going to be okay. don't stress yourself so much. your brain isn't broken! you can still do so much even if you don't think so. it's all going to be okay, believe me! |
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Stallion_72
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 24, 2006
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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You haven't become an NT. Do not committ suicide. It's become quite obvious to me after watching your posts over a period of time that you are probably deeply paranoid. You need to see a psychiatrist. Please get yourself some help.
I do not recommend any keep instigating him. I do care for your well being Hyperion but you are far too paranoid for your own good right now.
Your not brain dead because if you were you would not be typing any posts. You did not lose any part of your intelligence or personality to the drugs. Please relax and find a psychiatrist to talk to. |
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Bland
Phoenix
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Joined: Jan 03, 2006
Posts: 1430
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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Don't give up, Hype!! It might suck being you sometimes, but it also sucks being me! There are tough things that we have to go through but you can probably look back and see how much you've progressed. You can make it. Try to give yourself time to adjust to the meds and if they still aren't satisfactory, then tell your doctor to give you something else. Just hang on!
_________________
"Honey, would you buy me some boobles for my 40th b-day?" "No way, they're too expensive. Your own baubles will have to do."
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Aeturnus
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 835
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| Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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Suicide is not a solution. It never is. Do you know what happens after you die? It might be far worse than what you are experiencing now. What if it's like totally black? That would be an eternity of boredom. I tend to believe in reincarnation myself, but still ... I don't know if that's actually what happens. Even if reincarnation involves insects, then what will happen when the sun finally engulfs the earth? Then, everything dies. If reincarnation was real, then where do all these souls transfer to? Maybe some alien world, but I have not seen evidence that truly reveals that such a world exist. But, such a world could, far and far away. Who knows? You and I sure don't. And what if it's not that and totally black? Is that a chance you want to take? It wouldn't be mine.
If medications are so screwing up, then just don't take them. I stopped taking Haldol when it made time seem like a standstill, made me drowsy in an irritating way and started to make my tongue go numb. I just refused, refusing to take the little green pills even before my parents found out what it was doing.
Who says you need to listen to your shrink anyway? Many shrinks take an easy medication route, because they are given all sorts of breaks from pharmaceutical giants and so forth. That's why Ritalin is so overprescribed. Just refuse to take it. Hide it beneath your tongue and spit it out when out of sight.
And think about seeing another doctor. Medication-loving shrinks are not the types people should be seeing.
- Ray M - |
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pzrn
Raven
Joined: Mar 09, 2006
Posts: 124
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:31 pm Post subject: |
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I know that we've discussed this in another thread maybe a week or so ago. Would you please list the medications, and whether or not you are still taking them or have weaned off them. I think one of the medications was Risperdal, which has a half life of 24-48 hours.
Also, please give your age. Even children in a psychiatric facility have the right to refuse medications, and they do, it happens quite frequently. So, who forces you to take these medications, how, and why?
No medication can change you from being a person with AS into a neurotypical. Believe me, the drug companies would have a field day if that were possible.
It does sound like you are having delusions, persecutory and paranoid, and it's important for you to know. You don't want to do anything drastic such as what you mentioned when these delusions may be caused by either the meds or withdrawal from the meds...in either case it can be fixed.
Please give more information, it's sometimes hard to understand your posts. So, are you still on the medications or did you wean off SLOWLY as we talked about earlier.
Remember, this is only temporary and your thinking is disorganized right now. Do you mind telling your age? |
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ion
Velociraptor
Joined: May 11, 2006
Posts: 471
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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Don't kill youself. That's totally useless.
Stop taking the medication.
Perhaps and hopefully, it will help and you will feel better.
If not, you've still got to push with the cock you got.
But you don't kill yourself. Never. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87231
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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| Posted: Fri May 19, 2006 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Choose Life! |
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ADoyle
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 17, 2005
Age: 37
Posts: 980
Location: Southern California, USA
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:56 am Post subject: |
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| Aeturnus wrote: | Suicide is not a solution. It never is. Do you know what happens after you die? It might be far worse than what you are experiencing now. What if it's like totally black? That would be an eternity of boredom. I tend to believe in reincarnation myself, but still ... I don't know if that's actually what happens. Even if reincarnation involves insects, then what will happen when the sun finally engulfs the earth? Then, everything dies. If reincarnation was real, then where do all these souls transfer to? Maybe some alien world, but I have not seen evidence that truly reveals that such a world exist. But, such a world could, far and far away. Who knows? You and I sure don't. And what if it's not that and totally black? Is that a chance you want to take? It wouldn't be mine.
If medications are so screwing up, then just don't take them. I stopped taking Haldol when it made time seem like a standstill, made me drowsy in an irritating way and started to make my tongue go numb. I just refused, refusing to take the little green pills even before my parents found out what it was doing.
Who says you need to listen to your shrink anyway? Many shrinks take an easy medication route, because they are given all sorts of breaks from pharmaceutical giants and so forth. That's why Ritalin is so overprescribed. Just refuse to take it. Hide it beneath your tongue and spit it out when out of sight.
And think about seeing another doctor. Medication-loving shrinks are not the types people should be seeing.
- Ray M - |
Hyperion, suicide is never the answer. Even though life may be unberable, it's still better than being dead. You have many rights, including the right to refuse medication and other forms of unnecessary treatment. You have the right to be free from harm, and that includes being restrained against your will. The important thing is to chose life.
I also had one of those medication-loving shrinks, I eventually quit seeing him and had another doctor wean me off the medication. That pill-pusher only had me in his office long enough to fill out a prescription pad, and when I made the mistake of telling him about the family history of bipolar, he put me on Zyprexa even though the only symptom I had was depression. That made me too drowsy to function, so I quit that medication after a week and I told him I didn't need it as I've never been manic.
Once again, suicide is not a solution, please get help.
_________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason,
and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei |
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emc
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 16, 2006
Posts: 179
Location: Brisvegas (Brisbane)
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 9:30 am Post subject: |
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Quote "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Phil Donahue |
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hyperion
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 27, 2006
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 12:11 pm Post subject: I diditn mean to say i was suicidal but soon it won mattter |
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THe delusions can fixed or the drugs?
I diditn mean to say i was suicidal i was trying to be over the top but i see now its realyy not funny. but soon it wont mattter, iam going5-6 days without normal sleep
the dog bitthough my skin and i ddint bleed havent peed in days or or moved my bowels. My Health is poor. Most of my brain has given out.
Iam off everthing two and a half montsh the problem is these tranquilezers they put me on benzozazpienes. ativan /5mg 4 times a day i didnt know what it was or event that i was taking it on top of depokote 1000mg both of wich bust the gaba system
im allergic to everything and my body magnifies everything put in it 500%, i feel the effects of an asperin in 5 minutes i came off way to fast and went into withdrawal itried to get my doc to give me the proper valium taper but he woul only give me klonopin wich is highly innprate
i went through so long without i had to go three weeks without aproper taper tried the k and it backfired bad it killed my brain slowly diferrent parts of my mind have letting go.
i cant sleep.
it was ativan .5mg four times a day. i got hooked
and went ct
i went into withdrwal and then i really went nuts
it just busted my thinking i havet alk to think
i tried to reisntstate with klonopoin taper but it backfired
My parents were out to get me not get me get me
I knew in my heart a long time ago that if i ever gave them a chance they would have me drugged up and they did, and i paying the price for it I felt apart in college to a hypothyroidism, adrenal faliure ptstd/siezure disorder what i got was nuerleptic cage
i had my rights taken away i had this stuff forced on me int hat that clinic
i really not nuts just mentall ydefiecient
will flumazal work to reset the receptors |
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lae
Phoenix
Joined: May 14, 2006
Posts: 786
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 2:51 am Post subject: |
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| Hyperion, I don't think you sound like your brain is quitting, it sounds like your'e confused. Maybe you need to find a different doctor. I think you can get better. Will you let us know how you are doing? there's a lot of people here pulling for you. |
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hyperion
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 27, 2006
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:50 pm Post subject: On side note i seam to b elosing the ambitrexousness |
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for no good rieason of the serouqel i was left handed then ambidextrous
i seem to be losing that. what could account for this |
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applesauce
Raven
Joined: May 08, 2006
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:01 am Post subject: |
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Echoing what everyone else has said - killing yourself is never an answer to anything. If you don't like the drugs, stop taking them. NTs aren't braindamaged - they're just different thought patterns to the ones we have. And there is hope in every life. Really. You just have to find it.
Becoming not ambidextrous doesn't make you NT either, btw. I was ambidextrous till I went to school and was coaxed to become right handed by the system. I wasn't diagnosed Aspie till last year. So I was still Aspie as a right hander 
My point? You are you. Sit back, take a breather and get some help if you feel that low. The world is worth more than that - you never get the chance to regret suicide.
Apple |
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