Why are women so insecure?

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I have noticed that girls and women tend to me more insecure than men. You have to prop them up and give them more emotional encouragement. Guys are more likely to suck it up and try harder the next time when they don't succeed, while women feel bad about themselves. Women examine your every word for hidden meaning, and seem to more sensitive about criticism. Is it part of the nurturing nature of women or more sophisticated emotional development that makes women more likely to doubt themselves? I personally would like to treat women like one of the guys, but it is my experience that you have to soften the blow when dealing with women in the real world. Women often don't compete, they get even.

I see some of the women here seem to be less like the majority of women. Guys without penises if you will-less emotional and more logical, more problem oriented than feeling oriented, offering solutions rather than encouragement, being more open about their personal experiences. Do you think this is right? Maybe, the whole increased testosterone proposal has some merit. Ladies, do you feel more like one of the guys than most of your female peers?

Typically in the work place I am more like one of the guys than the gals and I have been told so by the gals. However, in a relationship emotions are more in play IF I have decided I like the man. If not then I'm just one of the guys. I can be emotional but I really don't care if some guy I work with thinks I am fat. If the guy I am dating thinks I am fat then I am all over the gym to lose that weight.

And honestly there are men who adore the ladies who need that emotional support .. it makes them feel needed and I have been told that is a big part of why men are attracted to women ... to feel like they are taking care of things. Its a nature thing ... protective of the women.

Why are we more emotional - hormones and nature.

Emotions are important in a relationship for both the guy and the girl. If you aren't open with your emotions with your partner, your problems will still be there bothering you and the relationship will fail pretty quickly as a result.

Most guys do not "just suck it up", they merely hide their emotions because that's what society tells them to do. I personally find that to be stupid.

If you are a woman of a certain age, you were raised culturally not to be assertive or speak well of yourself. Doing so

invited automatic derision and ridicule. Things are probably better, but it hasn't completely gone away. Women are

called b*****s and whores when they show their assertiveness to the wrong people. This is so insidious, I don't think it

will change overnight. I saw a video of a young couple with two small children, a boy and a girl. they were adamant


they didn't sexually stereotype their kids. But then they videotaped them as they were sitting with each child who was

performing a task. They were surprised when they saw the tape that they were praising the boy for his performance &

asking him questions that encouraged him to use his reason. The little girl, even though she performed the task

correctly as well, was told she was pretty and sweet. I find myself guilty of doing it too with my 2 and 3 year old grand-

nieces. It sucks but it's always been a deeply rooted part of culture that women will in part be punished for their

confidence. But I'm not trying to speak about absolutes here, I'm just saying it exists to a substantial degree.

So basically I guess it depends on what area of confidence you mean.

(pretty is good and smart is bad is the message)



Anyway, I'm curious if the younger women on this site found this to be true for them.

I read a book that said something about this. It's because society enrolls us into a beauty pageant just because we're born female. We're valued for our looks where boys are valued for what they do. I.e. the "cute little girl" vs. "strong boy" If a girl isn't seen as attractive, society chucks her aside and sometimes view her as if she has no gender at all. It's really frustrating. I agree with Aimless in that we are taught to not be confident. That's a MAN thing and women need to be passive. When I would beat guys up in grade school, I would get labeled as a lesbian or a monster because no "regular" girl could beat them up. What wusses.

I'm definitely one of the women on WP who is more emotional than logical and I get sad when I don't feel valued as a person because I was given less-than-desirable traits. *nod nod*

Me? Secure?
Some women have told me (non offencive manner)
that I appear insecure, they were not saying it
meanly either.

I don't hide my feelings very well if someone is
mean they get a tantrum from me.

reships are too hard, there is too much in them,
peple try to "read" me and there is nothing to
read because they acuse me of things I don't
feel, then I get confused, then I might ask
"Do you want me to feel this way?" or
"Do you want me to don't like it?" even if
I do like it, but I don't hide it well and I
can't pretend I don't like something when
I do. This girl I knew was so pretty and
she wanted me to think she was ugly but
I cood not do it, she was just too pretty
to be ugly to me, and we ended up being
boyfrend and girlfrend for 4 years. Weird.

My dating ddays are over, and I am not going
to mess with that ever again, i don't want
a reships of any kind no romance stuff nothing.

I started writing something else, but maybe my perception is warped from my past, and I also have had a difficult week. I don't really want to bash one gender; I am just trying to understand things more clearly. Yes, I know both partners in a relationship are supposed to be emotionally supportive. I am speaking more in terms of life in general. Maybe the topic belongs elsewhere, but there have been gender discussions here before.

My general perception is that guys are supposed to survive and thrive or be eaten in life. It starts in sports and games at a young age. Again, I have been on my own on and off since I was about 14, so maybe this means something differently to me than most people. Women seem to have the ability to show weakness and be rewarded for it or at least be given a break, which I don't think most men are given. If I don't win or at least have success than I am seen as less of a person. A woman is seen in terms of how likable she is, but likable is much abstract than winning. Men have to succeed in every facet of life or it is seen as a fault- I make more money than you, I am stronger, I am funnier, I attract more women, I am a better lover, ad nauseum. And you're right, women traditionally seem to have often accepted the role as prize for this competition where the prettier the girl the bigger the measure of success. I don't think many people even acknowledge the existence of this giant game being played.

But somehow women competing with men are still afforded the same luxuries they have always received. For example, if a woman breakdowns in the workplace or in education I see men and women assume traditional roles and come to the aid of woman in question much more easily than if it was a man. The poster, League of her Own reminds me of that saying "that there is no crying in baseball" If life is some stupid competition or Darwinian then shouldn't women be held to the same standards as men? Tell me where I am wrong.

From what I've seen, heard, and been told, a lot of men are very insecure as well. However, they may not show it as much and it may be a different type of insecurity. A man, for example, might not typically be as insecure about his appearance, but may harbor feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection/abandonment. Of course, this is a generalization. I expect it varies immensely from one individual to the next, male or female.

sluice, I agree with you, and I understand what you're trying to get at (not putting either gender down).

I myself find I do have a "male brain", but which can be complicated at times by my low self esteem (but this is less to do with emotional sensitivity). I find that I actually monitor everything I say depending on whether I'm speaking to a male or a female; I have learned the hard way over time that women are hardwired to be more emotionally sensitive than men, so you definitely have to soften how you speak.

I think this is probably an evolutionary adaptive thing; women looked after the babies, while men defended the women by fighting, or hunted for food - thus different emotional needs.

I think the emotional sensitivity you generally see in women is a wonderful thing, because it's what leads to their increased empathic understanding (I'm not saying women have more empathy than me, I'm saying women tend to be more fine-tuned the emotional needs of others than men).

There are double standards in our society, and I agree that they are too extreme, but at their very roots they are based on biological factors. It is necessary for standards to change in this modern day and age because of the way the world has changed; to adapt humans need to change society to fit modern thinking. I could launch into a discussion of neuropsychology crossed with evolutionary psychology here, but I need to get to breakfast...

No matter how I tried, I cannot find the controller
that regulates this.

If someone is mean, I still cry and stamp and kick,
thats probably why they fired me from McDonald's,
but they fired Tracie as well because she did the
same thing I did, so at least there was no discrimination.

Weird.

Barbie, Playboy, Cosmopolitan, the fashion industry in general, photoshop, the practice of photoshopping everything, the incredibly high, unrealistic standards set by that practice and the tendency for men and women both to think that is how women should actually look.

People are far more concerned about looks today than they were even 15 years ago.

There was a video on youtube of a woman giving birth that I watched recently with a friend because she is about to have a baby and a very large number of comments by men was how unattractive the woman was and that she should have trimmed her pubic hair.

If you look at the comments on youtube for the video Bulletproof, by La Roux, you'll notice how many men comment about how ugly the lead singer is. Even 15 years ago, whether she was pretty or not wouldn't have been an issue. The truth is, she isn't really all that ugly. She is average and doesn't conform to today's greatly convoluted standards of beauty.

So you ask why women are so insecure, it's because they are pummeled with constant implications that they aren't thin enough, pretty enough, perfect enough, etc.