Homeschool: If you could choose, would it be Gr 2-6 or 6-9?

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Caitlin
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24 Oct 2010, 9:24 pm

Hi there, I am a frequent poster in the parenting forum here. I am painfully NT, but have the most glorious 7 year old Aspie. I pulled him from school last year in Gr 1 because of several horrid teachers and a school that did not understand him. This year he begged to go back so he could be with his friends, and the Principal got rid of the 2 teachers we had issues with, so I let him return.

The school is doing their best (in an overworked, underfunded, don't have time to really understand ASD, NT sort of way) and my son is likewise doing his best. But he is SO overstimulated by the noise and activity levels of a classroom, he cannot function. He is not learning, and he is gifted. I have this nagging gut feeling that if I let him continue on in school this way, I am effectively eliminating academic and professional success from his long term future.

I have 4 years of unpaid leave I can take from my career. So my question is this: if you are someone who feels you would have benefitted from homeschooling, would you have benefitted most from being homeschooled in elementary school, and then back in school for middle years, or regular school for elementary, and homschool for middle years?

I would appreciate any advice you have. I am really agonizing over this decision and feel completely ill equipped to make it.


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buryuntime
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24 Oct 2010, 10:02 pm

Homeschool during the later years. Those years are hard and awkward for everyone, as a matter of fact. Teachers are also more equipped it would seem to deal with issues in younger children than they are with older ones. When they are older they can also be more involved in their education plan.

I think putting a child in homeschooling and then sending them to the cruel later years of school would be a bad idea... they would be even less prepared for it.

On the other hand, school during the younger years is more "necessary" learning wise because it is when they are learning basic skills. It's a tough decision. :(



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24 Oct 2010, 10:33 pm

Later years, I really didn't have a problem in elementary school. In middle school things got rough because I made the mistake of trying to be pleasant and sociable. High school I only attended two classes a day and did "hospital homebound" for my mental disabilities primarily AS but including others. The only reason I attended the two classes was it would be impossible to do at home (team sports, shop and weightlifting).


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24 Oct 2010, 10:49 pm

It is indeed a tough decision. I am homeschooling my son for as long as I can. ( he is 6). It sounds like he has good friends at school now, so I think I would take advantage of that. You will probably have to fight with the school constantly to get him what he needs academicaly, but at least he will have friends. Kids tend to become less tolerent of those who are different when they get older.
Try to supplement his education as best you can. There are some good books out there specifically on homeschooling kids with AS. I would check them out.

Good luck.



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24 Oct 2010, 11:31 pm

Take next year off, or the rest of this year, then try again.

Your choices aren't (from what you've said here) between homeschooling through elementary and public school after, or public school through elementary and high school and homeschool in the middle.

Here's what you need to think about.

1. Do you need to take your four years all at once, or know before you do how long you'll take? If not, I say take the this year and/or next year off, then try again. It only postpones the decision, but...

2. Can you afford private school, and are there any in your area? If so, you could consider whether any of them will work better so you don't have to waste your leave.

3. How easily can you make accommodations for him in this environment? E.g., sunglasses, if the lights bug him? Can he take time to step out into the hall during class to refresh himself? Would a half-day work? Depending on what your job is and what you can arrange, you could leave him someplace you trust for the other half of the day, with some books or homework, assuming he can direct his own studies and would do so. That way you wouldn't have to take time off.

4. Your financial situation now vs. your predictions about it then. Which will be more dangerous?

5. Consider whether his sensory issues will improve. They might (or they might not). There may be ways to MAKE them improve. That might or might not mean high school would be more manageable.

6. Do you really have to put your career on hold while you homeschool? Depending on your son, and depending on your work hours, you might be able to trust him to do some (and remember, you can cover material faster homeschooling) while you're at work, if he doesn't need constant supervision. That may not work now, but in that case, it might work later.

7. Are you certain you're the only one available? Does he not have a father, grandparents, aunts, uncles? Or are they busy or far away or something?

Anyway, none of that amounts to a definitive answer. Just food for thought.


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25 Oct 2010, 2:11 am

Good idea keeping the plan flexible, deciding each year, etc.

I would allow him to homeschool now, as early as possible, before he adapts to/learns the non-thinking habits of school, the valuing and rewarding of performance and appearance etc over "content", real learning and investigation, etc ( for me that "training/conditioning" and habit-creation was achieved long before I was 11, in the first few years of school, when I was my most impressionable, and it made me more vulnerable to later pressures ).

Later he will be able to remain more detached from it if he has not been conditioned to care about it, to accept and live by those standards/values, in his very vulnerable early years.

If my 11 year old son actually wanted to go to school I'd let him, just as when he hasn't wanted to, ( most of the time so far ), I haven't made him go. Not sure what on earth I'd do/have done if I had thought that school was bad for him but he had insisted that it was fun/that he wanted to carry on. ... Computer-games have been a bit like that, and over and over again I have come to realise what he gains from playing them as much as he does.

I couldn't tell if your son was happy or not at school from your post ... if he's happy leave him in school? ... Save your leave for when he asks, when he needs it?

... or act "protectively", take him out now so that school later will affect him less deeply, so that he can develop and/or retain his self-esteem and energy and curiosity/intellectual integrity so that in his teens school simply won't have such an awful impact.

I'd probably decide based on how happy or unhappy he is.
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Caitlin
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26 Oct 2010, 10:03 am

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's an impossible situation, without a crystal ball. I am going to have to go with my gut... but first I need to figure out what it's telling me :?


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annie2
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09 Nov 2010, 4:12 am

I am going through a similar thing of trying to work out if I should homeschool in later years. They say that the 12-15 years window is the worst for kids - all the hormone changes, lack of maturity etc. . . . and it seems to be the worst years for bullying. By the time they hit 16-17 years they have matured a lot more and reaching adulthood. I am hoping to keep my 10 yr old in school for another 2-3 years, then re-evaluate and possibly look at homeschooling through the early high school years.



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22 Jan 2011, 8:52 pm

Definitly 6-9

The coming of puberty age is usually when kids will behave at their worst.



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22 Jan 2011, 10:41 pm

Middle school sucks whether you're an Aspie or an NT. I feel like I learned some things, but outside of academics I didn't gain anything positive from attending middle school. If I'd had the option, I would have happily been chosen homeschooling over regular school.



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23 Jan 2011, 2:04 am

With the exception of two months of being stuck in public school by my stepdad, I have been homeschooled through highschool and I think I've benefited from teaching myself autodidactically then (my mother had actually stopped teaching me after 6th grade leaving me to study on my own. Never use Saxon math as it is as boring as watching paint dry upon growing grass). The reason for my being put in public school was that, after my birth father died of lung cancer when I was 13 I had been too depressed to focus upon anything other than diversions like video games. After my stepdad threw me into the public school system I decided to become more diligent on my own and so I taught myself the standard high school subjects of algebra 1 & 2, plane geometry, trig, Spanish, ancient history, chemistry, physics, etc and I believe I've learned more, and more in-depth, on my own than I would have had I remained in the government education system which focuses primarily upon socialization and musical classrooms rather than education.

Similarly, I've decided not to continue with college as it costs too much for too little in return, and so I'm currently teaching myself an academic subject and a practical subject each season. This round I'm studying calculus for the academic subject and A+ computer repair for the practical skill. Not being in college, just like not being in the human ranch of a public school, allows for me to place the focus of my studies upon my comprehension of the subject matters rather than upon the completion of mere busywork. I do all the homework in the texts I'm studying, however now I have time to learn the material prior to completing the assignments.



Caitlin
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23 Jan 2011, 5:04 pm

Thanks for all the responses. We have decided to put him into a private school designed specifically for different learners who excel in academics - he'll have 5 kids in his class and 2 specially trained teachers. I can see how middle school may be the best option for homeschooling, so we'll still keep that open. But from what I saw at this school, the kids were ALL different, and therefore all accepted each other as such.

iamnotaparakeet - have you considered "challenging" the courses at your local college or university? Once you finish studying a subject, you can often challenge the exam in the corresponding course to get credit. You may be able to earn an entire degree that way. Might be something worth looking into - every institution has different rules about how the challenge process works.

A degree is a very useful thing. It has opened most of the doors in my professional life, while my husband (who had to quit university in his second year) has seen significant career limitations because he does not have that piece of paper. Just something to think about.


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clarizel
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25 Jan 2011, 12:32 am

Cicely wrote:
Middle school sucks whether you're an Aspie or an NT. I feel like I learned some things, but outside of academics I didn't gain anything positive from attending middle school. If I'd had the option, I would have happily been chosen homeschooling over regular school.


Very true!! my son is going through this right now, it is a good week if we don't get a call from school , sometimes I think about homeschooling him too. I feel exhausted dealing with the stuff that is going-on, I need a break!Goodluck, it's tough having a special needs kid.



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25 Jan 2011, 12:35 am

raisedbyignorance wrote:
Definitly 6-9

The coming of puberty age is usually when kids will behave at their worst.


I totally agree, being an aspie and puberty is not a very good combo.My ds is at this age, early puberty.



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26 Jan 2011, 12:52 am

I don't get to do the whole at home? If it HAS to be a choice, definitely the later years. Number 1 Son was at home 0 -4 and I believe 9 on. That worked OK. The later years [except maybe for junior and senior year high school] were hard, but the fiorst few were bad too by me and my wife.



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26 Jan 2011, 2:39 am

Grades 6-9. As well as the matter of Puberty, these are also rather important years in the preparation for the difficult work which inevitably comes with High School.


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