princesseli
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 08, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 532
Location: Honolulu HI/ Los Angeles CA
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 Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:50 am Post subject: Maternal Instincts in an Aspie Female |
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| So I was really curious about the concept of having maternal instincts. I mean: I dont get it. I know some people are just good with children and some arent. I am horrible with kids: I cant take care of a kid to save my life. Of course I dont have any. And I thought may lack of being able to take care of kids had something to do with being aspie but then not? Im guessing theres a lot of aspie females that are able to take care of kids. I guess my question is how other aspie females take care of kids? How does your aspieness affect this? |
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leejosepho
life student
Joined: Sep 15, 2009
Age: 63
Posts: 8118
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:00 am Post subject: |
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If I had an Aspie wife and we had a child, I think I would offer her the help of a Nannie, if she wanted that ... and I know some NT mothers who could really use that very same kind of help alongside.
Edit: Oops, please forgive. I did not realize I was in the women's area here!
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
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Last edited by leejosepho on Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:15 am; edited 1 time in total |
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AnotherOne
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 02, 2009
Age: 41
Posts: 453
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:09 am Post subject: |
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| I never held a baby before mine however nature took care of it by pumping oxytocine until a bond is formed. After that you are used to it. |
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silvercat
Blue Jay
Joined: Sep 15, 2010
Posts: 75
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:45 am Post subject: |
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When I was your age babies absolutely didn't cross my mind. At about 28 I started to see everywhere cute baby clothes, people around me were getting babies and then I wanted one too.
I got my first at 29. Now I have three and if I could I would have more.
Our house is not always tidy and rather chaotic, cooking is sometimes a burden and schools I find a necessary evil. But raising children is not that difficult though I think it is for everybody a lot easier if you are financially secure. |
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Chronos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 23, 2010
Posts: 5231
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:05 am Post subject: Re: Maternal Instincts in an Aspie Female |
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Apparently I'm quite good with little kids and most of them seem to like me. However, the very young ones, especially if they're very social and young, really drain me of energy. I have a lot of experience though because I remember my childhood perspectives in detail and I have younger siblings and helped my mother with them.
| princesseli wrote: | | So I was really curious about the concept of having maternal instincts. I mean: I dont get it. I know some people are just good with children and some arent. I am horrible with kids: I cant take care of a kid to save my life. Of course I dont have any. And I thought may lack of being able to take care of kids had something to do with being aspie but then not? Im guessing theres a lot of aspie females that are able to take care of kids. I guess my question is how other aspie females take care of kids? How does your aspieness affect this? |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 11:25 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes I reflect on this exact question, and here's what I've concluded:
1) I'm fairly sure that my kids are some of the only people I've never had to act/mask for, and
2) My rigid thinking and dedication to raising my kids "correctly" (my special interest!) has made me a good, kind, and fair mother.
Don't get me wrong, though, it's very hard. I can easily get overwhelmed, and I can also fall into a spiral-thought of wondering whether I'm doing a good enough job. |
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happymusic
ninja
Joined: Feb 11, 2010
Posts: 3150
Location: still in ninja land
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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My own mother has always remarked on how my sister has the maternal instinct that I lack and she's absolutely right. I don't care for pictures of babies or holding them very much or god, even walking through their section in stores (the colors seem garish to me).
I think I'd be an ok mother, but my husband would really be the mother, and he'd be far better at it. |
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Stellar
Hi!
Joined: Mar 20, 2010
Posts: 1249
Location: California
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm really good with kids but I grew up with a whole bunch of little cousins, so I'm used to their presence. Kids love me and I know how to connect with them. I think I'd be a good mom and I have a strong desire to be one someday. |
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
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Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 18651
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I have always lacked a maternal instinct. I've never understood other women's love for babies and their need to have them. I don't even think baby animals are that all that great - I prefer adopting adult cats that nobody else wants rather than raising kittens. |
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xxZeromancerlovexx
Succubus
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Joined: Jul 25, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 1327
Location: Falling by the wayside...
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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I'm the anti-maternal. I don't want or need babies. I'm way to selfish to have kids to look after. I'd rather be going out to dinner, spending my money on clothing and acessories. I'd rather eat organic, real food instead of getting cravings for unhealthy things like cake icing during pregnancy. I plus I have to get breast reduction this summer(for my back health) so I couldn't nurse anyway. Not to mention kids are so annoying. You always have to buy them the newest crap when you could buy something for yourself, and what pregnancy does for your physical attractiveness is terrible. You have to buy them McDonalds when you could be buying Panda licorice, crystalized ginger and ingrediants for homemade curry for yourself. Kids come with sacrifces and I'm non-sacrifical. Hey, that's just my opinion. I'm actually going to get steriliazed as soon as I'm done with post grad.
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"Everywhere I go, everyone I meet
Everytime I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold?" |
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happymusic
ninja
Joined: Feb 11, 2010
Posts: 3150
Location: still in ninja land
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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| xxZeromancerlovexx wrote: | | I'm the anti-maternal. I don't want or need babies. I'm way to selfish to have kids to look after. I'd rather be going out to dinner, spending my money on clothing and acessories. I'd rather eat organic, real food instead of getting cravings for unhealthy things like cake icing during pregnancy. I plus I have to get breast reduction this summer(for my back health) so I couldn't nurse anyway. Not to mention kids are so annoying. You always have to buy them the newest crap when you could buy something for yourself, and what pregnancy does for your physical attractiveness is terrible. You have to buy them McDonalds when you could be buying Panda licorice, crystalized ginger and ingrediants for homemade curry for yourself. Kids come with sacrifces and I'm non-sacrifical. Hey, that's just my opinion. I'm actually going to get steriliazed as soon as I'm done with post grad. |
I've always felt very similarly. I think it's good to be honest with yourself and any SO about these ideas. And firm about it, too. |
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slovaksiren
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 10, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 620
Location: Northern Michigan
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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| No, my maternal instincts are very much strong. They are very much demonstrated with animals. My little border terrier is my baby... I also have some cute little cousins that I just simply gobble up they one, three, and four respectively. |
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Erisad
More like Erihappy, amirite?
Joined: Jul 06, 2010
Age: 23
Posts: 13040
Location: United States
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| Posted: Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm very maternal with friends, kids, animals, etc. Kids flock to me, even ones I don't even know. They always smile at me and sometimes run over and hug me for no reason. I don't mind, I love kids. They're so cute. When my kindergarten teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I said, "A mommy." She complained about it to my mom saying I should have higher goals in life and such rot. I do have higher goals now but I still want to be able to raise a kid or two and hopefully they'll turn out all right. ^_^ |
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CaroleTucson
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2009
Age: 48
Posts: 731
Location: Tucson, AZ
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| Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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These are exellent questions. I don't think you really realize your so-called maternal instincts until you actually have a child. When I held my twins the first time I was the fiercest mama bear you can imagine. As they grew, the bond between us developed into the strongest force in the known universe.
I would never criticize a woman for not wanting children, but while I've enjoyed a wonderful career and experienced most of my bucket list by the age of 45, I still consider being a parent the single most meaningful aspect of my life. As to how it was affected by being aspie, it's funny ... my kids were/are my biggest "coaches". Many's the time as they were growing up they would quietly take me aside and explain some social nuance to me. Somehow, they understood that I needed that.
My girls are 22 now and they're the light of my life. Always have been, always will be. |
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Bunneth
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 02, 2010
Age: 33
Posts: 460
Location: Cambridge, UK
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 6:36 am Post subject: |
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| I don't really have any maternal tendencies. earlier this year my husband and I decided to try for kids as we both thought it was what we wanted. Now though, I'm not so sure, as I'm really worried that I won't be able to connect with kids if I do have them and I don't want to be a bad mother. I'm just worried about not being able to give them the attention and love that they need. |
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