My boyfriend.... slapped me.
I don't think I'm going to launch into a huge explanation but I can at least clear up that I didn't touch him or threaten to do so, and I can't find a way to justify what he did.
Now I'm thinking I should leave.
Does it seem like a huge overreaction to make a decision like that over one thing?
The reason I'm thinking maybe it's an overreaction is that the only other man I've ever dated physically harmed me, I didn't leave, and it turned into a situation where I had cigarettes put out on me and I was choked until I blacked out - afraid to say anything to anyone or leave because if anyone knew they would think I was an idiot for not leaving the first time. I really don't think my current boyfriend is capable of that kind of cruelty but still, I feel like I shouldn't risk escalation.
Now I'm thinking I should leave.
Does it seem like a huge overreaction to make a decision like that over one thing?
YES You should leave. If the picture in the avatar is you, then you have SOOOOOOOOO many options.
He sounds like the type to get a girl pregnant and run off leaving you "holding the bag" (metaphorically and literally). Dating as a single mom sucks since the guys you meet who will show interest are either pathetic losers or guys "slumming it" for an easy lay.
Now I'm thinking I should leave.
Does it seem like a huge overreaction to make a decision like that over one thing?
The reason I'm thinking maybe it's an overreaction is that the only other man I've ever dated physically harmed me, I didn't leave, and it turned into a situation where I had cigarettes put out on me and I was choked until I blacked out - afraid to say anything to anyone or leave because if anyone knew they would think I was an idiot for not leaving the first time. I really don't think my current boyfriend is capable of that kind of cruelty but still, I feel like I shouldn't risk escalation.
You should leave him. There are many many men in the world who would never physically assault their partner and as far as western countries go, your boyfriend is in the small minority of bad men who do.
It is never acceptable for one person, man or woman, to assault another person, unless in self defense or in direct defense of another in the face of physical attack.
Slap him back.
Okay, but seriously, you probably should leave him. You have enough reason to be concerned about this behavior leading to more abuse.
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I agree with the above posters. It's possible that it was a one-off and he's really a great guy who would never do it or anything like it again, but that is not worth the chance. And at any rate, it had to come from somewhere--you know now that the possibility of a recurrence, or worse, is always there.
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Mindslave
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Unless he IMMEDIATELY said he was sorry, you should immediately leave. And even then, you should probably leave, not just because you didn't threaten him. It's better to look back on it with 20/20 vision in hindsight than looking back with blurry vision and two black eyes. Better safe than sorry, and even if he does deserve a second chance, is it worth the risk? That's the question. Is he worth the risk?
It's not me, my sister sent me a larger version of it, asked if it was a picture of me from her wedding, and wanted to know why she didn't have a copy of it. I thought it was kind of funny.
I'm not concerned about getting knocked up or problems finding a guy who is attracted to me.
It's just an issue of insecurity I think. In a couple of weeks I'll be financially capable of moving to whatever city I want to check out, I don't think I could stay here if I leave him. I'm so confused about this because he's never done anything like this and then it just... I mean regardless of the circumstances, it takes a lot out of me.
I'm terrified I'm going to regret it.
I'm not concerned about getting knocked up or problems finding a guy who is attracted to me.
It's just an issue of insecurity I think. In a couple of weeks I'll be financially capable of moving to whatever city I want to check out, I don't think I could stay here if I leave him. I'm so confused about this because he's never done anything like this and then it just... I mean regardless of the circumstances, it takes a lot out of me.
I'm terrified I'm going to regret it.
You're not going to regret it. Don't be stupid.
Most people are easily replaceable.
How long have you been together? Has he ever shown any indication that he might be violently-tempered? Does he have a history of being disrespectful towards you? Of being disrespectful towards women in general? Did he apologize immediately, sincerely, and profusely?
If you haven't been together long, I would leave him without needing to consider the following questions.
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"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."
I'm not concerned about getting knocked up or problems finding a guy who is attracted to me.
It's just an issue of insecurity I think. In a couple of weeks I'll be financially capable of moving to whatever city I want to check out, I don't think I could stay here if I leave him. I'm so confused about this because he's never done anything like this and then it just... I mean regardless of the circumstances, it takes a lot out of me.
I'm terrified I'm going to regret it.
I actually don't think it's unusual to not find out about a partner's aggression problems for many months. Some people don't find out until after the wedding. The person holds in their anger issues because they want to make a good impression but they can't do it forever.
Yeah. You can never be too careful about these things.
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"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."
I'm not concerned about getting knocked up or problems finding a guy who is attracted to me.
It's just an issue of insecurity I think. In a couple of weeks I'll be financially capable of moving to whatever city I want to check out, I don't think I could stay here if I leave him. I'm so confused about this because he's never done anything like this and then it just... I mean regardless of the circumstances, it takes a lot out of me.
I'm terrified I'm going to regret it.
I actually don't think it's unusual to not find out about a partner's aggression problems for many months. Some people don't find out until after the wedding. The person holds in their anger issues because they want to make a good impression but they can't do it forever.
VERY TRUE.
Next time he hits you lock yourself in the bathroom then call the police telling them he has hit you and will not let you out of the bathroom the police will pound his head in for you. Thats what happened to one of my neighbors or at least that is how he explained it to my mom.
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Almost definitely so. Unless he almost never raises his voice, and has shown no signs of violent pretense before. Judging by your post, this is not the case, and you seem to be in a hostile relationship. If the relationship is not this way, leave him unless he agrees to go through some sort of couples counseling, and see if you work it out from there.
If you are are getting into violent disputes, find someone else. I'm going to say that these disputes are almost definintely caused by the violent boyfriend. You really should leave the guy ASAP. You seem like a really caring person to put up with it this long (in either case). Take some time to heal after this, and try really hard to look at the positive in yourself. As great as a new boyfriend would sound, it is important to let the wounds heal first. These sorts of relationships can destroy the self esteem of anyone; think about how you faced adversity in those relationships and build on that. Then, find someone who values you for who you are- - they are out there.
I hope the best for you.
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