Disclosure in the classroom

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After going back and forth for a long time about disclosing the diagnosis to DS (which we did before he had a full diagnosis, using All Cats Have Aspergers) we came to the conclusion that it might be best if he told his classmates. Of course, his 504 team, including his teachers, already know. I'd read this blog post: http://momnos.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-b ... aster.html and concluded that it didn't really apply in our case, so here's what we did:

I decided to leave this entirely up to my son. We had a lot of conversations about it, because I didn't want him to get the impression that things would be completely smooth sailing just because of disclosure - but, on the other hand, a good 40% of my son's difficulties are because he is expending so much of his energy trying to blend in, so admitting his differences might be freeing. I told him that there would probably be people who might react badly, who might make fun of him - but that this would say more about those people than it did about him. I also said that it was likely that there would be more people who reacted well and might help him than people who would react badly, and that he should think about the possible benefits and possible drawbacks of telling his classmates.

I wish I could claim some responsibility on the mature way my son (10 years old with AS, mind you) handled this. First, he told a girl in his class - not one of his girlfriends, but the girl who is probably the most responsible and mature child in the entire grade. He reported back that she was "less hard on him" in math class (which I think translates that she was kind to him when he was struggling to answer.) He told his non-school best friends with varying degrees of success (one was brilliant and talked about another "neat kid" he knows with autism, the other reacted like he might be contagious, but eventually came around.)

We'd read Kathy Hoopmann's excellent book "Blue Bottle Mystery" (which made him cry...we barely got through the difficult parts, but he really liked it, and identified with the boy in the book) and DS decided he wanted his teacher to read it; so I bought a copy for the school. Suddenly, he decided that he wanted her to read it to the class. We talked to the teacher, and finally sent DS to school with a copy of both Blue Bottle Mystery and All Cats Have Aspergers.

He came home beaming. He reported that the teacher, with his permission, had read "All Cats Have Aspergers" to the class and had allowed him to refer to himself with every page of the book, just like we'd done when we read it at home...so she would read, and look at him, and he would nod or shake his head at the various symptoms. He said he felt like a celebrity; the other kids in the room (who are by and large an understanding group) were really supportive and made him feel really good.

I'm not sure what this will mean for school on Monday. He has to deal with other groups of 4th graders who don't know, so I'm not sure how he will handle having some kids know and some kids not know - but I think he's relieved not to be carrying such a heavy secret, and to have a meaningful explanation for his sometimes inexplicable behavior. I am praying that this was the right thing to do...I'll keep you all posted.

Right thing or not, I am so, so, so proud of my son. We started this year in fear for his life, and through all your help, the help of a really good diagnosis and trained clinicians, of parents in support groups, we may well be turning a corner. We all feel 100 pounds lighter.

That sounds wonderful! Thank you for sharing with us!