Should we submit to "social skills training" for o

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Isn't it strange, in a time when society proclaims it is interested in becoming more educated, that people who use grammatically correct, precise wording are ostracized? Isn't it even more interesting that these same people, who tend to notice the minute details that make our world a beautiful place, are often seen as being outcasts? It frightens me to see the number of people who are willing to conform to society's idea of normalcy and sacrifice the uniqueness that makes them see the world so completely. My son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's; I struggled with the diagnosis initially because I had always thought of Aspies as being withdrawn and unintelligent. I now recognize that his high level of intelligence that separates him from his peers is actually a key indicator of this disorder. His desire to be precise and his uncanny ability to see connections amongst seemingly unrelated topics points to this disorder too! I cherish his idiosyncrasies, and I love his sensitivity; are there others who feel the same way? When it was suggested that he attend "social skills training", I shied away because I was fearful that this "training" would leave my son with only robot-like responses to normal interactions. Should we allow this training to take place, or will we lose our beautiful, sensitive son in the process ?

Interesting question. I am not diagnosed with anything but I suspect if Asperger's had been recognized when I was a kid, I would have been diagnosed. Really no point in going through all that testing now just to satisfy my curiosity of course. But at the time I was super-withdrawn and didn't have any real friends till I got to high school and met some people with similar interests. I have no idea what this "social skills training" involves but I can tell you right now if that had been suggested to me as a kid I would have been mortified and really worried that the other kids at school might find out I was going!

I am finding more and more that kids (well, and adults) on the spectrum are the kinds of people I've always been drawn to, and frequently find the conversation of people who are solidly NT to be, well, annoying (I just really could care less about hair, home decor, or clothes.)

That being said, my son is taking social skills classes. He does have some specific deficits that will make his life very difficult if he doesn't change a bit: extreme rigidity being the primary issue. He needs to understand that people do not simply do whatever you tell them to do, just because you said so, and not everyone is going to stay and listen to a four-hour lecture on gatling guns.

As for the rest, I love the way he talks (the school social worker often says he sounds like a 60-year-old, which I find incredibly charming) but I want him to have a choice. He likes to be social, but can have serious difficulty communicating with other kids his age. He needs to learn more flexible language so that it's there for him when he wants it. More importantly, he needs to understand social language because kids sometimes use it to bully him (this, at least, has definitely improved with the social skills classes.)

There are good classes and bad classes; I think the hallmark of a bad class is the result you describe. Check out what they're doing ahead of time and ask if you can talk to other parents whose kids attend and see what they think.

He's very logical, the way you talk about him. This kind of training isn't going to 'ruin' him.

Just make sure you sit him down afterword and debrief. Let him know that the things he's learning are useful sometimes but he still has to remember how to turn them off.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNyucgF0gmQ[/youtube]

I think the worst complaint I've heard about a social skills class was that it didn't do anything. They aren't like ABA, and the ones I've been aware of are not about forcing pop culture or slang on someone. Instead, they tend to focus on really basic and essential skills: how to engage in give and take in a conversation, how to take turns in game play, how to read some obvious body language, what is expected when a teacher asks you a question, and so on. The precise things practiced will vary by the needs of the age group.

You will be surprised at the basics your child simply does not know. When you are there, you handle it for him, but what happens when you are not? My son, as time has told, will do some very off the wall things that are completely misunderstood by everyone around him. So it helps when our kids have some scripts so that they have some sort of guide when they get into situations we consider common, but that they find confusing. Social skills class lets them get some scripts, and practice a bit. But it isn't going to actually change who they are or insure that they ever put the skills into practice: my son will admit that he usually knows what he SHOULD do, but that actually doing it is something else entirely. He usually does what is natural to him instead, sometimes followed by an "oops" as he realizes he's just totally embarrassed me in public, or something similar.

We had one poster here whose son was failing to complete his engineering degree solely for the want of being able to pass a class that required teamwork. The son was devastated, sliding into depression and rage. They had worried they would have to go into drastic medical treatment, but after talking it through here, they pulled him out of school to focus on social skills classes instead. It was the one thing standing between him and making the career he had counted on: the ability to get along well enough to complete an assignment working with other people. He was older and had never been offered that type of help through school, and no one had ever suggested it to his parents.

My son did lunch bunch in elementary school, where the kids ate and played together under the eyes of the instructor, who offered suggestions and refereed. My son loved it. In Middle School he did a social skills type class through speech therapy, where he learned how to handle formal school interactions well but, as he'll tell you, there isn't an adult in the world that can interpret Middle School child culture for you, so it wasn't much use for that. Overall he felt the whole thing wasn't that effective in helping him where he wanted help the most: understanding his Middle School peers. But he didn't want to drop the classes, either, so they must not have been a total waste.

My son struggles with group projects but knows they are something he is likely to need to be able to deal with as an adult as well, so he tries, and he has some strategies that work for him when he is with a group willing to organize the way he needs them to. I've talked with him about it a lot but, face it, as is true in many families with AS kids, neither my husband or I have very good social skills, either, so how much help we can be is often limited. Having a speech or other professional assigned to assist him with social skills adds a different voice that is useful.

So, the service could be useful, and isn't likely to be harmful. Investigate, by all means, but overall this is something you will probably want to sign on for. I promise, they won't take a single quirk out of your child, just give him choices on when to be himself, and when to put on a little act to get on better.

Sysxrusher, I would have to say I support the Social Skills class. But, you need to find out the credentials of who's teaching it, how many kids will be in it, and how social skills will be addressed. My son only has ST for Social Skills. Other than that, he's very intelligent and speaks well. But, boy-oh-boy, does he need to work on those Social Skills because there are times when people don't think he's intelligent due to the way he interacts...he always comes off as being "too enthusiastic." Some of this I feel is due to anxiety when he's in social settings.

He needs to get his timing in...when to interject...when to hold back...when to allow others to have their say. It's like a game of give and take and he's not quite in the game 100%.

So, I think you should go for it. But, monitor to make sure your child is not wasting his time.

My son goes to social skills class and it's wonderful, and for my son it's fun. He doesn't even know it's therapy and it really helps him. I have heard people say it doesn't do anything, even a person in my son's group, but I see the benefits all the time. It's a long process and I think people get impatient and want quicker results.

I'm all for it if you have the right therapist. That goes for any therapy though.

I guess it just depends on how severe your childs symptoms are but we do not do this. Jordan has arthritis, diabetes, sensory integration disorder, and aspergers. I give the camp a 12 page packet on all her conditions, her needed schedule, special instructions, etc. All counselors involved in her care get a copy of this. This has always worked well for us.