Provv
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 01, 2011
Posts: 22
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 Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:25 am Post subject: Have you NEVER had a girlfriend. If so, why? |
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I know people who look very autistic to me and they have girlfriends.
In your case, how come you have never had a girlfriend?
Do you blame your problems with women on your looks, personality, asexuality, or the fact that no woman seems to find any trait you possess attractive enough to want to date you? |
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Australien
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2011
Posts: 301
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 9:14 am Post subject: |
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| I have one now, but I hadn't to the age of 23. I am not physically unattractive, though not so attractive as to have women throwing themselves at me (obviously). I attribute my lack of success to that point to not understanding the manner in which one can find a potential girlfriend (besides attempting to imitate how NTs did it, in bars and clubs, which was as wrong for me as can be imagined), a lack of social confidence and ability to "read" women, combined with the personality differences that will naturally occur between me and ..well, anyone, but NT women in particular. Internet dating helped with those problems a lot. |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:25 am Post subject: |
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| Australien wrote: | | I have one now, but I hadn't to the age of 23. I am not physically unattractive, though not so attractive as to have women throwing themselves at me (obviously). I attribute my lack of success to that point to not understanding the manner in which one can find a potential girlfriend (besides attempting to imitate how NTs did it, in bars and clubs, which was as wrong for me as can be imagined), a lack of social confidence and ability to "read" women, combined with the personality differences that will naturally occur between me and ..well, anyone, but NT women in particular. Internet dating helped with those problems a lot. |
Second. In my case 23 is 36. Internet dating is certainly the way to go, I hate bars, clubs and such.
On thought. The girlfriend I have now (I feel very, very fortunate by this moment) was looking for somebody not manly, mild, having no excessive gender characteristics both mentally and physically. It's not surprising that she was the one who initiated contact with me. I believe I've come a long way in the past decades from where I was in my younger age, and although I'm not exactly mature now, I do much better at imitating it. |
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sgrannel
Just Vic
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 2101
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:44 am Post subject: |
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Skepticism, high standards, body language issues.
Last weekend it occurred to me that I really do have issues with reading people and issues with sending the wrong messages. I know that I should look at people more and smile more and not appear blank or indifferent, but when I try to go through the motions, I get weird reactions. I guess you can't do it if the feeling isn't there but I'm not sure that it isn't.
I've had issues with rejecting women for various things like smoking which I regard as repulsive, or if she displays irresponsible behavior or seems immature. Internet dating sets off my skepticism alarms. I have yet to encounter a relationship prospect that passes the test of plausibility.
_________________
A boy and his dog can go walking
A boy and his dog sometimes talk to each other
A boy and a dog can be happy sitting down in the woods on a log
But a dog knows his boy can go wrong |
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Australien
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2011
Posts: 301
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:51 am Post subject: |
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| sgrannel wrote: | Skepticism, high standards, body language issues.
Last weekend it occurred to me that I really do have issues with reading people and issues with sending the wrong messages. I know that I should look at people more and smile more and not appear blank or indifferent, but when I try to go through the motions, I get weird reactions. I guess you can't do it if the feeling isn't there but I'm not sure that it isn't.
I've had issues with rejecting women for various things like smoking which I regard as repulsive, or if she displays irresponsible behavior or seems immature. Internet dating sets off my skepticism alarms. I have yet to encounter a relationship prospect that passes the test of plausibility. |
That's also something that affected me during Internet dating, but it is a medium that allows you to filter such people out quickly and easily. You need only waste 10 seconds on xXPrincess5912Xx who "likes having fun, hanging out, and just having a good time!!!".
If, at the time, I had realised that I was wired a little differently to normal, I would have approached things differently; I probably would have considered the notion that there aren't all that many women I'm compatible with in a romantic sense, and that I'd better figure out how to be happy without one. |
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Callista
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 04, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 9839
Location: Central USA
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:04 am Post subject: |
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I've never had a girlfriend because I'm asexual. And, for now, a-romantic.
I suppose, someday, maybe. Or a boyfriend. But it'll have to be platonic, because that biological stuff is just kinda.... icky. 
_________________
Engineering & Psychology student. Gamer. Christian. Asexual. Information Addict. Deal with it!
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com |
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Bill43
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 26, 2011
Posts: 45
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 1:28 pm Post subject: I have never completely figured that one out. |
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| I am good looking, nice, and kind. Well, with those traits, how can I fail? Well, I have never had a girlfriend. At most, when I was younger I had a few disasters. I can only say with a great deal of bitterness, and contempt for the political Left, that it is society's cruel rules. The Left wing phonies pretended to care about the downtrodden, but they don't really know nor believe in what they say. They don't know what it is like, like me, to be born hated, pushed down, marginalized, mistreated, and cast out from any chance of a life of social happiness. They do not. They are worse than the conservatives (although, I didn't think that originally), because people on the Left/Liberal spectrum are hypocrites, because they don't really have any values or beliefs, other than to run down people that they are jealous of (i.e. - Donald Trump). The Left forgot that this is really a nasty, unfair World, and women are creatures of society, which makes them worse and nastier slaves to the cruel Social Darwinistic law that states (although no one has the courage, except myself, to say it openly) - "That if you aren't born right, you are cursed for eternity". |
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OJani
a brat
Joined: Feb 24, 2011
Age: 40
Posts: 2320
Location: Budapest, Hungary, Europe
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:23 pm Post subject: Re: I have never completely figured that one out. |
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| Bill43 wrote: | | I am good looking, nice, and kind. Well, with those traits, how can I fail? Well, I have never had a girlfriend. |
| Bill43 wrote: | | (...) women are creatures of society, which makes them worse and nastier slaves to the cruel Social Darwinistic law that states (although no one has the courage, except myself, to say it openly) - "That if you aren't born right, you are cursed for eternity". |
I'm sure you're nice, but this Darwinistic law is.... pure nonsense. Guess what, I've just talked with the above gf of mine on phone, and I seem to be losing the battle for love. I've already gone through two phases of sobs, but I'm determined I will finish what I have begun, I will have a girlfriend sooner or later. Hope is with me. The same ol' story, good as a friend, not good enough in the bed. Bah. |
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TPE2
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Posts: 1453
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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| I am almost incapable to maintain a conversation (big problem to:a) find girlfriends; b) job interviews). |
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Gwenwyn
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 03, 2011
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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| I've never had a girlfriend because I'm a straight female. Not that I haven't had offers... |
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SammichEater
Now 30% Cooler
Joined: Mar 07, 2011
Age: 19
Posts: 3823
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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| No, because I've never really cared enough to have one. |
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Provv
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 01, 2011
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Australien wrote: | | I have one now, but I hadn't to the age of 23. I am not physically unattractive, though not so attractive as to have women throwing themselves at me (obviously). I attribute my lack of success to that point to not understanding the manner in which one can find a potential girlfriend (besides attempting to imitate how NTs did it, in bars and clubs, which was as wrong for me as can be imagined), a lack of social confidence and ability to "read" women, combined with the personality differences that will naturally occur between me and ..well, anyone, but NT women in particular. Internet dating helped with those problems a lot. |
By "internet dating", do you mean having an online girlfriend or using dating websites like okcupid to find real life girlfriends?
If you meant the latter, isn't it true that finding a girlfriend on the internet is very difficult if you don't make a lot of money, look like a male model, etc? I mean, in real life there is the chance there will be a connection between you and the other person. Online you are essentially judged on a bunch of stats that might not accurately reflect who you are as a person. |
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Australien
Deinonychus
Joined: May 18, 2011
Posts: 301
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Provv wrote: | | Australien wrote: | | I have one now, but I hadn't to the age of 23. I am not physically unattractive, though not so attractive as to have women throwing themselves at me (obviously). I attribute my lack of success to that point to not understanding the manner in which one can find a potential girlfriend (besides attempting to imitate how NTs did it, in bars and clubs, which was as wrong for me as can be imagined), a lack of social confidence and ability to "read" women, combined with the personality differences that will naturally occur between me and ..well, anyone, but NT women in particular. Internet dating helped with those problems a lot. |
By "internet dating", do you mean having an online girlfriend or using dating websites like okcupid to find real life girlfriends?
If you meant the latter, isn't it true that finding a girlfriend on the internet is very difficult if you don't make a lot of money, look like a male model, etc? I mean, in real life there is the chance there will be a connection between you and the other person. Online you are essentially judged on a bunch of stats that might not accurately reflect who you are as a person. |
I do mean the latter, although that doesn't preclude the former, or the former becoming a "real life" girlfriend.
Most such websites allow to include a narrative and reasonably descriptive attributes, which is one area where you can help differentiate yourself from the typical "I like long walks on the beach, travel, and I'll buy you stuff, also, can has sex nao?" rubbish that most males write, if you have any sort of writing skill. It is true that you will be unfairly judged on your salary and "male model-ness" (possibly more so in the USA than Australia, maybe it's something of a cultural thing), but by who? The sort of women you aren't interested in anyway. There are still quite a few women who are interested in geeky men, and Internet dating allows you to waste the least amount of time with women who by your personal tastes are dead ends. |
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Phonic
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!!!??
Joined: Apr 04, 2011
Age: 20
Posts: 1331
Location: The graveyard of discarded toy soldiers.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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Straight up: I'm a mentally unstable mess whereby If a women tried to make a move I would promptly tell her I am in no state for a relationship now, I have to much baggage.
it would take a very special girl to be with me, she would have to be a little unstable herself, a steady stable girly NT wouldn't be able to handle me. Maybe a bipolar.
I deliiberatly want someone with a lot of baggage of their own so that we must rely on eachother, and we both know what it's like to live that..sort of life.
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'not only has he hacked his intellect away from his feelings, but he has smashed his feelings and his capacity for judgment into smithereens'. |
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WillMcC
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 17, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 507
Location: Gainesville, Fl
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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I have several barriers to getting a girlfriend
-I don't experience attraction to girls (or guys for that matter)
-If a girl is attracted to me, I'm not aware of it - I do have some qualities that could affect whether a girl is interested, such being tall, having a foreign accent, intelligent, etc. but unless they're up front about it, I won't know.
-Faceblindness
The "Nice guys finish last" saying is completely true for me.
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"Tongue tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I" - Pink Floyd
(and then the tower cleared me for take off) |
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