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I HATE having Aspergers!
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Aleksei
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:02 pm    Post subject: I HATE having Aspergers! Reply with quote

I was diagnosed a year ago as an adult. I am a college student. I had no idea wth asperger's was even and I thought I was ok with it but I'm not. I hate it!

My parents don't get it. They think I am suppose to be super smart now and because I have trouble in math they think is a misdiagnosis. They won't go to any of the support group things they have at my university because they hate the word autisic.

I hate that my parents hate that I am not living up to expectations of one with Aspergers and then telling me to stop being difficult about things I do that I can't help. They HATE when I rock in public but sometimes I can't help it because sometimes the enivornment is strange or whatever ... I just have the bad parts of it Aspergers.

I am not super smart in math - not smart at all really in that subject. I have to work really hard to do well in math. I rock a lot and I HATE IT. I am so self aware of it sometimes but often times I am not. Its just what I do. I hate that everything makes me anxious when things don't go according to schedule. I hate when people are early and I totally hate when people are late. I hate obsessing over stupid stuff. I hate how I am usually the last person to get a joke. I hate how people just assume I don't have feelings because I don't show them as well as others. I hate everything about Aspergers and I hate that I have it!

I wish I could just be normal. So then my parents would just be more accepting and stop telling me I am just wierd. Why can't I just be me?!!! Why does this society have to label everything??
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Ann2011
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't think having Asperger's necessarily makes you good at math. I've never been good at it myself.

People's expectations can be impossible to live up to. I've tried to act like a NT with limited success, but denying who you are and trying to act in a way that's foreign to you can be so destructive to your psyche. I make a conscious effort every day not to act like I think I should and just to be myself. This can be disconcerting for family and friends, but I've found they get used to it and I feel stronger for it.
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musicislife
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:48 pm    Post subject: Re: I HATE having Aspergers! Reply with quote

Aleksei wrote:
Why can't I just be me?!!!


You ARE you. That is one thing I had to learn as well. I'm in the same boat as you - college-age female with Asperger's, diagnosed relatively late (age 16 for me), who's parents don't understand. No matter what, you ARE you.

So you're not good at math, so what? There is a saying that's been going around Autism Spectrum support sites for a while - "If you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism." Not every single Aspie is going to be great at math. One of my friends is an Aspie, and he sucks at math and science! But, he is a history buff to the point of being able to tell you the exact dates of several important battles in the War of 1812; I know I couldn't do that. I'm not the best at math either, but I could take the best sunset photo you've ever seen!

If you freak out because someone is early or late, so be it! It is perfectly normal for anyone to freak about someone not being on time! My mother does all the time and she is very firmly NT. If her sister is 5 minutes early to pick her up for a trip to the mall, she panics because she isn't ready, and god forbid I come home late from school!

As for the emotions thing? Show your parents you post, or write them a letter and give it to them face-to-face. Giving my parents something written was so much easier than sitting down and talking to them about all the problems I was having. What we did is set up a place where I could leave notes for them about stuff that is hard for me to talk about, and they could write me back, or ask to sit down and talk.

The rocking thing I can kinda relate to, except my thing is flicking the nail of my middle finger against the underside of my thumb nail. It drives me, not to mention my friends and family, absolutely nuts! I've even had strangers comment on it, as well as having to be asked to stop doing it back in high school by teachers in class!

Everyone has emotions, even if we don't show them all that much. My dad is another Aspie (undiagnosed, but very much Aspie), and I almost never see his emotions. They're still there, but he doesn't show them all that well. My boyfriend often comments on how, even if I say I'm happy (when I really am) I never show it. What I did to show my emotions was train myself to smile when I'm happy, or pull of the best death-glare you've ever seen when I'm mad. I'm still working on it, and I probably will for a long time, but showing my emotions is coming easier and easier every time I do it. If you can't really train yourself to show emotion, just tell people! If someone has thoroughly pissed you off, say something like "Hey, what the hell was that about? That really ticked me off!"

Aleksei wrote:
I wish I could just be normal.

Hang on a second and think about that statement. What exactly is normal? Normal all depends on the point of view. Normal for me is freaking out when something doesn't go as planned, or having a meltdown when my family doesn't understand me, or getting a massive pressure migraine when I'm in a big crowd for more than an hour. Normal for one of my best friends is getting up one morning and deciding that she's going to the theme park today, or hanging out with 10 of her best friends. Normal for you might be something else entirely. You are normal for you! Don't let anyone else decide what is your normal.
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Aleksei
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks ... yea you are right. We are all different with different personalities... I guess I should work on being ok with that instead of wanting my parents to be ok with it too.

Anyway, thanks, you helped me!
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Waddie
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm not a big fan of being an aspie either. I have all the bad stuff and not much of the good stuff, too. I am highly anxious, stim like mad, hate being touched, sensitive to everything, etc. But, I'm not really great at anything. I did well at school, though I had to work at it. But once I got out into the real world, the working world, I was and am a mess. I get in trouble at work every three months or so for doing or saying something wrong. Someday I suspect I'm going to get fired for doing or saying something that seems fine to me but will insult or hurt someone else. I don't mean to be rude, I just come off that way. I just don't understand all the politics, the social rules, why things are the way the are and I end up making mistakes. My father, an Aspie too, never truly accepted me and my quirks since they were different from his quirks. My sister just doesn't think I try and like being a pain in the ass to others. Regardless, it has takem me years to understand, and I'm still working on it, that this is who I am and I need to accept myself the way I am. Maybe it is hard for most Aspies to like themselves, and it can be difficult for others to like us, too. But, everyday when I get home from work, I remember that I did the best I could do and that is all I can do. I let everything else go. I suppose I'm trying to say to you that self-love and acceptance is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Don't let the bastards get you down. Even if the bastard is yourself. Smile Peace.
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Apple_in_my_Eye
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sounds like your parents need to get off their butts a do a little work of their own (to understand what you're dealing with, and to try to be at least a little understanding).
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Aleksei
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Waddie wrote:
I'm not a big fan of being an aspie either. I have all the bad stuff and not much of the good stuff, too. I am highly anxious, stim like mad, hate being touched, sensitive to everything, etc. But, I'm not really great at anything. I did well at school, though I had to work at it. But once I got out into the real world, the working world, I was and am a mess. I get in trouble at work every three months or so for doing or saying something wrong. Someday I suspect I'm going to get fired for doing or saying something that seems fine to me but will insult or hurt someone else. I don't mean to be rude, I just come off that way. I just don't understand all the politics, the social rules, why things are the way the are and I end up making mistakes. My father, an Aspie too, never truly accepted me and my quirks since they were different from his quirks. My sister just doesn't think I try and like being a pain in the ass to others. Regardless, it has takem me years to understand, and I'm still working on it, that this is who I am and I need to accept myself the way I am. Maybe it is hard for most Aspies to like themselves, and it can be difficult for others to like us, too. But, everyday when I get home from work, I remember that I did the best I could do and that is all I can do. I let everything else go. I suppose I'm trying to say to you that self-love and acceptance is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Don't let the bastards get you down. Even if the bastard is yourself. Smile Peace.



Omg yes, that is me a 100 percent. I stim too much I think. When I am nervous or anxious I rock a lot and sometimes I don't even notice it and I fingers tap ... its embarassing because I know it looks strange and my parents HATE it so much when I do it. I can't help though sometimes because I don't even realize I am doing it.

And I am anxious all the time when things don't go according to plan. It is like it throws my off balance and I hate that. My Dad got me a stress ball and he said to squeeze it but it doesn't work I still get anxious and I still stim ... those are the things about Aspergers that I don't like. Those embarassing things.
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Zinnel
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i understand hating ur aspergers, i was diagnosed when i was 10, and im still not that good with math, spelling or hell even just reading patterns!!(a common gift amongst the few aspies i know in person)

it was only untill later, much much later i realized that whether were NTs or Aspies we are still HUMAN and thus different, maybe ur skills arnt in math maybe there in other things, its common joke amongest my friends that while i hav aspergers im gifted in reading ppls thoughts and emotions, rap ur head around that one, lmao

so dont try and compare urself to other aspies we all hav our own flaws and gifts, to be honest im alittle tried of the sterotype that aspies are good at math
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Aleksei
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 11:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am tired of the sterotype too. There should not even be a sterotype because everyone is diferent anyway.
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Zinnel
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

the sterotype comes from 3 things i can think of

1. Aspergers connection to Albert Einstein

2. the common Aspies's ability to recongize patterns

and 3. Whenever ur diagnosed ur told and/or parents/guardian, that while ull hav problems with socializing, but ull be good at math, science, etc.

as if that compensates for the difficulty of socializing lol
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seaside
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all, I get you! I know what you mean! Rant acknowledged!


Second--- I know I just read this the other day on one site--- some aspies have TROUBLE with math, especially the abstract field of algebra. Even Temple Grandin mentioned this about herself. I'll try to find the link (ETA- see some below), but maybe you can websearch aspergers math difficulties and show your parents a collection of references that show that AS can manifest in that way--- not everyone has math (or music or languages or art, i guess) as a special talent.

I know. I'm one of those who had weird issues in school with math, and nobody (my teachers, my parents, the principal) back in those days could figure out why. Finding out I had AS was a big Aha; I thought about that this morning still.

Good luck with that part.

For the rest,

I hear ya. Sad

Here are some random links:
article 1 contains " Some students have tremendous difficulty understanding math concepts. "


article 2 contains "Asperger students have a common math deficit and can be expected to need support in this area"


but there's more. just to show that it's not uncommon nor unheard of![url=http://www.medicine.uiowa.edu/autismservices/mathstrategiesslides.pdf]math strategies supporting ASD students
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peaceloveerin
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did well in math in elementary school because it was basic arithmetic but once I got to middle and high school, it got a lot harder for me. I did well in algebra because I had a good teacher but did terrible in geometry.

I think its a complete stereotype that everyone with AS is a math and science genius. I think being gifted in math and science is more common in boys on the spectrum. I've noticed Aspie girls seem to be more creative and artistic.
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Aleksei
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the links and I am glad that I am not the only person who feels this way. I mean I am ok with having Aspergers ... I just don't like the stigma that comes with it... but overall I am really ok with it... I was just having a moment but thanks everyone for being supportive.
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ZaannV
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2011 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aspergers is so vast like the universe. How can people judge on what an aspie should be like. Whats maths? i always think so long as you can add up to 10 and spell your name, lifes a floaty cloud? haha..

I know how you feel about hating the asp. i have big obsessions that control my life, to the point where i dont know im doing them, until people point them out, which makes me really insecure and a bad person (?) And they arent skills like Maths.
I always feel why cant i be normal. But you know i say all the normal people are the weird ones and everyone else weird is normal for being weird. Id rather have these obsessions that take up my life, and i feel something good can come out of them.
You should hold onto what is natural to you. You have a skill and strength which makes you special and you, and who knows what fantastical stuff can come out of it
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Daniella
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Try to not care so much about what your parents think. You're an adult now. It's time to leave your cradle behind.
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