WrongPlanet.net
WP Members: > 80,000



Aspie Affection

New Today: 5
New Yesterday: 20

clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relationshi 1, 2  Next  
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Love and Dating     
nick007
dementia revolution~ demented 4eva, demented 4life
Phoenix


Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 11192
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:36 am    Post subject: clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relationshi Reply with quote

Things are going great between me & Megz for the most part except for the fact I worry a lot about things I know I shouldn't about her & our relationship. Whenever she is feeling bad, upset about something or I think there is a problem or that there could be a problem; I start panicking. The worst panic attack I had yet was Sunday night. She ate something she had some kind of food intolerance to & she started breaking out in hives, having rapid thoughts & feeling angry. She suddenly quit chatting after a bit because she went to bed but she didn't tell me she had gone to bed & it triggered an extremely horrible panic attack. I tried thinking logically & kept telling myself that she probably went to sleep but my worrying kept getting worse; I was going to the bathroom a lot, I couldn't keep still, my thoughts were racing & about 3 hours latter I started having quick crying spells & having the urge to hut myself(I did NOT do it; I resisted those urges). I chugged a couple beers my dad had in the fridge to calm myself down & it helped; I'm straight-edge & haven't drank alcohol in 8 years BTW. We didn't talk much Monday because she's in school focus mode but she she must of switched to it that day & didn't explain it to me then. I was very worried that she wasn't talking to me because she was still feeling bad or that she was upset with me for not being supportive or helpful enough Sunday night. I could barely eat anything Monday because I was worrying. We talked about school focus mode yesterday/Tuesday & we're going to have a set chat time on school nights so she can focus on school & other things during the day. I'm feeling a lot better now but I am worried that my anxiety issues may continue to cause problems.

Worrying screwed-up my 1st & only other relationship 8 years ago. I became very controlling & parentty with her in an attempt to try to reduce my worry & that of coarse caused lots of problems. I started suffering from psychotic depression & I slashed my arm 9x when things feel apart & I spent the next 5 years seeing psychs & taking meds. Some of my many diagnoses included Borderline Personality, Codependency, OCD, Post Traumatic Stress, & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I think I was diagnosed as Codependent & Borderline because I suffering from psychotic depression due to a mental breakdown over a failed relationship. I doubt I would appear to meet the DSM criteria for those two disorders now thou.

Getting back to my relationship with Megz; I am clingy & do sound parenty at times because of my anxiety. I know she mentioned being clingy as one of her deal-breakers in that thread & I am trying hard not to be but it is hard for me to resist those anxiety urges. I have anxiety about lots of things in general but it has gotten a lot better than it used to be in my life for the most part thou I do still have anxiety; I can deal with it a lot better. I'm not sure why my anxiety peaks so much in romantic relationships. I feel very secure & comfortable with Megz & our relationship & I trust her more than I ever trusted anyone in my life. I am very dependent in general so I'm guessing maybe it's related to that. I have been taking steps to try & become more independent lately because I do NOT want to be a burden on her & her support inspires me to become a better person. If I learned anything at all from my other relationship; it is that being clingy, needy, parenty, controlling, & dependent is the most sure-fire way I can f#ck a relationship up. I love Megz more than anything & I believe she she completes me so I am really trying to work on my issues. I also tend to make my issues out to be worse than they are sometimes & I'm kind of worried that focusing & worrying too much is making this worse. It's like I worry about my anxiety & that makes my anxiety worse if that makes sense Confused

I've been having problems sleeping as well sense shortly after our relationship began. I cant get more than a couple hours of sleep most nights. I don't have any major problems falling alsspe but I wake up after like 3 hours & I cant get anymore sleep. Sometimes I wake up very suddenly or startled & Labor Day weekend I had the worst nightmare in my life; I was being chased by these Asian mafia guys & Megz was gunned down Shocked Crying or Very sad

The ideal solution I can think of for my anxiety & sleep problems would be to move in with her. I wouldn't worry as much if I was with her & I would sleep aLOT better with my arm around her while kissing the back of her neck but it would probably be a while before I could live with her due to our life circumstances & I also think our relationship would be a lot stronger then if we do wait. I need to find a way to hold myself together & avoid screwing everything up till then. I've researched anxiety medication a bit & I ordered a med online called Buspar which is specifically for anxiety instead of being an antidepressant or tranquilizer like the other meds are; I've had lots of problems on those & they never helped my anxiety at all so Buspar seemed like the one med that might be helpful sense my main issue is anxiety & it's specifically for that. I'd like to know what else I can do to stay calm. Trying to analyze logically & trying to focus on other things doesn't help at all when I'm anxious. I'm wondering if anyone has any other suggestions.
_________________
Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad & the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands & say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Ilka
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 08, 2011
Age: 42
Posts: 1365
Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do not know how to tell this nicely, so there it goes: I think your problem is that you do not love yourself. You think you depend on someone else to be happy, and thats why you cling so hard to others. You need to work on that. There are many self-help books about the subject. When you learn to love yourself you learn to love others without depending on them, you will able to accept that if they stop loving you it is ot the end of the world. That you will go on because you have yourself, and you are a valuable person. You will stop being afraid. Fear is what causes your anxiety.

I hope you can learn to love yourself. Its gonna be better than meds, and everlasting.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Nadir
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker


Joined: Jan 26, 2010
Age: 28
Posts: 74
Location: Spain and Canada

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ilka wrote:
I do not know how to tell this nicely, so there it goes: I think your problem is that you do not love yourself. You think you depend on someone else to be happy, and thats why you cling so hard to others. You need to work on that. There are many self-help books about the subject. When you learn to love yourself you learn to love others without depending on them, you will able to accept that if they stop loving you it is ot the end of the world. That you will go on because you have yourself, and you are a valuable person. You will stop being afraid. Fear is what causes your anxiety.

I hope you can learn to love yourself. Its gonna be better than meds, and everlasting.


Awesome, I said something similiar in another thread.

Make sure you are happy with yourself, and THEN share your happiness with the other person. Happiness doesn't come from others, sharing happiness produces happiness, and when you share happiness usually others come closer to you. There you have the equation
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
nick007
dementia revolution~ demented 4eva, demented 4life
Phoenix


Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 11192
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nadir wrote:
Ilka wrote:
I do not know how to tell this nicely, so there it goes: I think your problem is that you do not love yourself. You think you depend on someone else to be happy, and thats why you cling so hard to others. You need to work on that. There are many self-help books about the subject. When you learn to love yourself you learn to love others without depending on them, you will able to accept that if they stop loving you it is ot the end of the world. That you will go on because you have yourself, and you are a valuable person. You will stop being afraid. Fear is what causes your anxiety.

I hope you can learn to love yourself. Its gonna be better than meds, and everlasting.


Awesome, I said something similiar in another thread.

Make sure you are happy with yourself, and THEN share your happiness with the other person. Happiness doesn't come from others, sharing happiness produces happiness, and when you share happiness usually others come closer to you. There you have the equation

I don't think that's it. I used to have really bad low self-esteem but my self-esteem has been improving a lot sense I started trying to better understand myself & work on things & WP helped a lot with it to. I am very aware that I do have my faults but I have been likeing myself sense a while before the relationship began. I think part of this may be that it's very hard for me to feel comfortable with people, get close to em, & connect with them because I'm very unique so now that I have someone I am comfortable with, close to & connect with; I'm obsessed & afraid of losing her.
_________________
Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad & the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands & say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Nadir
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker


Joined: Jan 26, 2010
Age: 28
Posts: 74
Location: Spain and Canada

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you told her this? your concern, of what you are afraid, as you explain here.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
nick007
dementia revolution~ demented 4eva, demented 4life
Phoenix


Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 11192
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nadir wrote:
Have you told her this? your concern, of what you are afraid, as you explain here.

Yes. I have talked about my issues & things a lot with her & we had a conversation about this post a little while ago. I feel better the more I talk about stuff with her. The fact that she's still with me despite knowing about me at my worst helps me feel more secure. I'm going to elaborate a little on the 1st reply I made & say that I think I have fairly good self-esteem overall but others sometimes have a low opinion of me because of my different problems & issues. I have low esteem of others accepting me NOT because I have a negative opinion of myself but because of my experiences
_________________
Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad & the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands & say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
HybridAP
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Aug 10, 2011
Age: 25
Posts: 125
Location: Connecticut

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let me say this from experience that there is not a quick fix solution for something like this. In my past I've had a lot of friends just abandon me or even turn to bullying me, so for a while I was always afraid that any new friends I made would do the same, so I got more clingy to prevent them from doing such, or sometimes even cut myself off early to prevent that from happening in the first place. I have gotten over most of this though because I look at what has really happened recently with my friends, and see that most of the time my fears aren't really justified with that person. Like, I recently met someone on here and we are now close friends. When she doesn't show up when she says she would, a little part of me starts to worry, but I fight it down with the knowledge that she hasn't done anything bad like that before and that I trust her. And you know what happens? Her internet is out because of a hurricane.

It may be hard at first, because I had trouble reducing those fears some time ago with my friends, but you can get over it if you just remind yourself that your GF cares about you and has never done anything like that before. Of course, my experience relates more to friends, but should apply either way.
_________________
When life leaves us blind,
Love keeps us kind.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
nick007
dementia revolution~ demented 4eva, demented 4life
Phoenix


Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 11192
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanx for replying HybridAP~ I think part of my issue could be related to my experiences with my ex girlfriend. She was a bit younger than me & had some problems with drugs & alcohol; the one boyfriend she had before me had kind of corrupted her & I felt like I had to do damage control & kind of be parenty with her. She would do stuff she shouldn't of been doing & then when something happened or she was feeling bad or upset or whatever; she would call me & then want me to be online with her till she went to bed & my sleep & other plans would get put off because I felt like I had to be there for her because I was worried about what would happen if I wasn't.
Megz is the opposite of that. She does NOT drink or do drugs at all, she is not impulsive, she does NOT get into trouble & she NEVER 1ce gave me any reason not to trust her. I tell myself that but it's hard for me to calm down when I'm worried even thou I know. I may be quite logical at times but I tend to put a lot of faith & rely heavily on my past experiences because some of my different experiences in life tend to go against logic & they repeat themselves even thou logically it's highly unlikely that they would.

Another thing that scared me is that she started acting different with me because of being in school focus mode which I didn't know about before. In the past when friends suddenly act different like that with me; it was because they were upset with me or they had things going on & that was was the end of our friendship after a bit. It didn't bother me much with friends because I wasn't very close to em but it worried me with Megz because I feel closer with her than I ever felt with anyone so I do NOT want to lose her. I feel somewhat better about it now that I know what's going on.
We discussed school focus mode & things last night & she's concerned because I'm clingy & emotionally needy & she's kind of distant & disengaged now & might be this way till summer & she has two more years of college after this(she's at the beginning of her 2nd year). She's worried that I'll have problems handling that. I do think that could potentially be very problematic but I believe that it is something we can get through. I loved how she was with me before this mode & I think she was a little happier because of me & I would really love to see her happy like that again next summer so I am highly committed to making this/us work.

Also this is mostly a net thing rite now because of distance & I am a lot more withdrawn offline than I am online so I think I wouldn't feel as needy or clingy if we could be together offline for a while. I think I would feel better about things after a while when I've adjusted to her school focus mode. I think I'd feel more secure as things go on because I'd have more positive experiences with her & our relationship to rely on instead of the past problems with my ex. I believe this is a situation where things will improve after a while if I can stay in contol of my emotions/feelings & avoid flipping out or screwing up.



BTW incase anyone was concerned about me self-medicating with alcohol; I only drank two lite beers, I have never drank to calm down or anything before except I would drink a couple beers at social things but I had NEVER been drunk in my life & I quit drinking because of the problems with alcohol & things my ex had. I certainly do NOT want to end up like that.
_________________
Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad & the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands & say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.


Last edited by nick007 on Thu Sep 15, 2011 2:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
rabbitears
BLUE PARASAUROLOPHUS WHISPERER
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 19, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 6398
Location: In a box of chocolate milk mix.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 2:19 pm    Post subject: Re: clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relatio Reply with quote

nick007 wrote:
Things are going great between me & Megz for the most part except for the fact I worry a lot about things I know I shouldn't about her & our relationship. Whenever she is feeling bad, upset about something or I think there is a problem or that there could be a problem; I start panicking. The worst panic attack I had yet was Sunday night. She ate something she had some kind of food intolerance to & she started breaking out in hives, having rapid thoughts & feeling angry. She suddenly quit chatting after a bit because she went to bed but she didn't tell me she had gone to bed & it triggered an extremely horrible panic attack. I tried thinking logically & kept telling myself that she probably went to sleep but my worrying kept getting worse; I was going to the bathroom a lot, I couldn't keep still, my thoughts were racing & about 3 hours latter I started having quick crying spells & having the urge to hut myself(I did NOT do it; I resisted those urges). I chugged a couple beers my dad had in the fridge to calm myself down & it helped; I'm straight-edge & haven't drank alcohol in 8 years BTW. We didn't talk much Monday because she's in school focus mode but she she must of switched to it that day & didn't explain it to me then. I was very worried that she wasn't talking to me because she was still feeling bad or that she was upset with me for not being supportive or helpful enough Sunday night. I could barely eat anything Monday because I was worrying. We talked about school focus mode yesterday/Tuesday & we're going to have a set chat time on school nights so she can focus on school & other things during the day. I'm feeling a lot better now but I am worried that my anxiety issues may continue to cause problems.

Worrying screwed-up my 1st & only other relationship 8 years ago. I became very controlling & parentty with her in an attempt to try to reduce my worry & that of coarse caused lots of problems. I started suffering from psychotic depression & I slashed my arm 9x when things feel apart & I spent the next 5 years seeing psychs & taking meds. Some of my many diagnoses included Borderline Personality, Codependency, OCD, Post Traumatic Stress, & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I think I was diagnosed as Codependent & Borderline because I suffering from psychotic depression due to a mental breakdown over a failed relationship. I doubt I would appear to meet the DSM criteria for those two disorders now thou.

Getting back to my relationship with Megz; I am clingy & do sound parenty at times because of my anxiety. I know she mentioned being clingy as one of her deal-breakers in that thread & I am trying hard not to be but it is hard for me to resist those anxiety urges. I have anxiety about lots of things in general but it has gotten a lot better than it used to be in my life for the most part thou I do still have anxiety; I can deal with it a lot better. I'm not sure why my anxiety peaks so much in romantic relationships. I feel very secure & comfortable with Megz & our relationship & I trust her more than I ever trusted anyone in my life. I am very dependent in general so I'm guessing maybe it's related to that. I have been taking steps to try & become more independent lately because I do NOT want to be a burden on her & her support inspires me to become a better person. If I learned anything at all from my other relationship; it is that being clingy, needy, parenty, controlling, & dependent is the most sure-fire way I can f#ck a relationship up. I love Megz more than anything & I believe she she completes me so I am really trying to work on my issues. I also tend to make my issues out to be worse than they are sometimes & I'm kind of worried that focusing & worrying too much is making this worse. It's like I worry about my anxiety & that makes my anxiety worse if that makes sense Confused

I've been having problems sleeping as well sense shortly after our relationship began. I cant get more than a couple hours of sleep most nights. I don't have any major problems falling alsspe but I wake up after like 3 hours & I cant get anymore sleep. Sometimes I wake up very suddenly or startled & Labor Day weekend I had the worst nightmare in my life; I was being chased by these Asian mafia guys & Megz was gunned down Shocked Crying or Very sad

The ideal solution I can think of for my anxiety & sleep problems would be to move in with her. I wouldn't worry as much if I was with her & I would sleep aLOT better with my arm around her while kissing the back of her neck but it would probably be a while before I could live with her due to our life circumstances & I also think our relationship would be a lot stronger then if we do wait. I need to find a way to hold myself together & avoid screwing everything up till then. I've researched anxiety medication a bit & I ordered a med online called Buspar which is specifically for anxiety instead of being an antidepressant or tranquilizer like the other meds are; I've had lots of problems on those & they never helped my anxiety at all so Buspar seemed like the one med that might be helpful sense my main issue is anxiety & it's specifically for that. I'd like to know what else I can do to stay calm. Trying to analyze logically & trying to focus on other things doesn't help at all when I'm anxious. I'm wondering if anyone has any other suggestions.


I don't have any particularly helpful suggestions for you, but I fully understand your concerns. Almost everything you have written about feeling clingy and controlling due to anxiety, fear and insecurity is seriously affecting me too. I get so jealous over essentially nothing and I always get intensely bad thoughts about the worst case scenario with a lot of things, even though logically I know it's ridiculous and it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I often feel that I am far too clingy and that it must get annoying for my my girlfriend. And I want her to not have to worry about things that might result in me freaking out and having a panic attack, but I simply cannot help myself. She has mentioned to me before that I am too particular and that if she doesn't do certain things the way I like them or at a certain time she said she would, she dreads my reaction, and that hurt me so much to discover that. It's not her fault that I feel this way, and as much as I blame myself (including mentally and physically punishing myself) I know that it isn't really my fault either. I genuinely can't change some aspects of myself and I honestly feel that I need some sort of anti-depressant or anxiety medication. It has gotten to the point before that I have thought about cutting off contact with her, to save the apparent certain increase in pain for us both later on, but this was quite simply delusional of me. I cannot imagine the regret I would feel if I ever did something like that.

I don't want to be too obsessive in the wrong way about my relationship, and if I can make any valid suggestions to try to help you out, it'd be to let her know that your concerns are not to be misread as you not trusting her, and that you really do not take enjoyment for your behaviour. At least she should understand and not get the wrong impression the next time it starts up, and hopefully she'll try to help you too.
_________________
albino THINGS I LIKE albino
Parasaurolophus, Plesiosaurs, Dinosaurs, Pterosaurs, Music, Tuna, Chocolate milk, Oreos, Blue things

Parasaurolophuscolobus. Parasaurcolobus. Colobusaurolophus.
....And Nunchucks are my friends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Megz
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Dec 03, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 1028

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

nick007 wrote:

We discussed school focus mode & things last night & she's concerned because I'm clingy & emotionally needy & she's kind of distant & disengaged now & might be this way till summer & she has two more years of college after this(she's at the beginning of her 2nd year). She's worried that I'll have problems handling that. I do think that could potentially be very problematic but I believe that it is something we can get through. I loved how she was with me before this mode & I think she was a little happier because of me & I would really love to see her happy like that again next summer so I am highly committed to making this/us work.

I know this is like the most irrelevant point, but he makes it sound like I'm not happy in school. I love school. I would stay in school forever if it didn't keep costing money. I'm happier in college than any other time in my life. I may not be expressing it "properly" and to that I say: alexithymia Confused
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
MONKEY
Victim of the NHK
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 9892
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:21 pm    Post subject: Re: clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relatio Reply with quote

rabbitears wrote:

I don't have any particularly helpful suggestions for you, but I fully understand your concerns. Almost everything you have written about feeling clingy and controlling due to anxiety, fear and insecurity is seriously affecting me too. I get so jealous over essentially nothing and I always get intensely bad thoughts about the worst case scenario with a lot of things, even though logically I know it's ridiculous and it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I often feel that I am far too clingy and that it must get annoying for my my girlfriend. And I want her to not have to worry about things that might result in me freaking out and having a panic attack, but I simply cannot help myself. She has mentioned to me before that I am too particular and that if she doesn't do certain things the way I like them or at a certain time she said she would, she dreads my reaction, and that hurt me so much to discover that. It's not her fault that I feel this way, and as much as I blame myself (including mentally and physically punishing myself) I know that it isn't really my fault either. I genuinely can't change some aspects of myself and I honestly feel that I need some sort of anti-depressant or anxiety medication. It has gotten to the point before that I have thought about cutting off contact with her, to save the apparent certain increase in pain for us both later on, but this was quite simply delusional of me. I cannot imagine the regret I would feel if I ever did something like that.

I don't want to be too obsessive in the wrong way about my relationship, and if I can make any valid suggestions to try to help you out, it'd be to let her know that your concerns are not to be misread as you not trusting her, and that you really do not take enjoyment for your behaviour. At least she should understand and not get the wrong impression the next time it starts up, and hopefully she'll try to help you too.


Crying or Very sad
_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
nick007
dementia revolution~ demented 4eva, demented 4life
Phoenix


Joined: May 05, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 11192
Location: was Louisiana but moved in with my girlfreind in Vermont

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Megz wrote:
nick007 wrote:

We discussed school focus mode & things last night & she's concerned because I'm clingy & emotionally needy & she's kind of distant & disengaged now & might be this way till summer & she has two more years of college after this(she's at the beginning of her 2nd year). She's worried that I'll have problems handling that. I do think that could potentially be very problematic but I believe that it is something we can get through. I loved how she was with me before this mode & I think she was a little happier because of me & I would really love to see her happy like that again next summer so I am highly committed to making this/us work.

I know this is like the most irrelevant point, but he makes it sound like I'm not happy in school. I love school. I would stay in school forever if it didn't keep costing money. I'm happier in college than any other time in my life. I may not be expressing it "properly" and to that I say: alexithymia Confused

I didn't mean it to sound like that. I know you are happy in school honey but you don't appear happy with me when you are really focusing on it. We have discussed alexithymia stuff before & you have gotten a lot better at expressing & telling me about your feelings & things but you haven't been like that in school focus mode. I completely understand that you need to focus on school & I'm really glad you are focusing on it instead of procrastinating like you were last week to chat with me. I think part of the issue is the distance. I really want to feel close to you weather physically, emotionally or just being near you watching you do your school stuff even. I do NOT want to interfere with or distract you from your school because I know that is very important so I don't mind giving you your space to focus when you need it but I'd like to know what's going on, find a way to be more supportive of you & feel close to you. Distance sux
_________________
Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad & the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands & say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
rabbitears
BLUE PARASAUROLOPHUS WHISPERER
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 19, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 6398
Location: In a box of chocolate milk mix.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:19 pm    Post subject: Re: clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relatio Reply with quote

MONKEY wrote:
rabbitears wrote:

I don't have any particularly helpful suggestions for you, but I fully understand your concerns. Almost everything you have written about feeling clingy and controlling due to anxiety, fear and insecurity is seriously affecting me too. I get so jealous over essentially nothing and I always get intensely bad thoughts about the worst case scenario with a lot of things, even though logically I know it's ridiculous and it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I often feel that I am far too clingy and that it must get annoying for my my girlfriend. And I want her to not have to worry about things that might result in me freaking out and having a panic attack, but I simply cannot help myself. She has mentioned to me before that I am too particular and that if she doesn't do certain things the way I like them or at a certain time she said she would, she dreads my reaction, and that hurt me so much to discover that. It's not her fault that I feel this way, and as much as I blame myself (including mentally and physically punishing myself) I know that it isn't really my fault either. I genuinely can't change some aspects of myself and I honestly feel that I need some sort of anti-depressant or anxiety medication. It has gotten to the point before that I have thought about cutting off contact with her, to save the apparent certain increase in pain for us both later on, but this was quite simply delusional of me. I cannot imagine the regret I would feel if I ever did something like that.

I don't want to be too obsessive in the wrong way about my relationship, and if I can make any valid suggestions to try to help you out, it'd be to let her know that your concerns are not to be misread as you not trusting her, and that you really do not take enjoyment for your behaviour. At least she should understand and not get the wrong impression the next time it starts up, and hopefully she'll try to help you too.


Crying or Very sad


Thanks for being so considerate and understanding.
_________________
albino THINGS I LIKE albino
Parasaurolophus, Plesiosaurs, Dinosaurs, Pterosaurs, Music, Tuna, Chocolate milk, Oreos, Blue things

Parasaurolophuscolobus. Parasaurcolobus. Colobusaurolophus.
....And Nunchucks are my friends.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
MONKEY
Victim of the NHK
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Age: 21
Posts: 9892
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:23 pm    Post subject: Re: clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relatio Reply with quote

rabbitears wrote:
MONKEY wrote:
rabbitears wrote:

I don't have any particularly helpful suggestions for you, but I fully understand your concerns. Almost everything you have written about feeling clingy and controlling due to anxiety, fear and insecurity is seriously affecting me too. I get so jealous over essentially nothing and I always get intensely bad thoughts about the worst case scenario with a lot of things, even though logically I know it's ridiculous and it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I often feel that I am far too clingy and that it must get annoying for my my girlfriend. And I want her to not have to worry about things that might result in me freaking out and having a panic attack, but I simply cannot help myself. She has mentioned to me before that I am too particular and that if she doesn't do certain things the way I like them or at a certain time she said she would, she dreads my reaction, and that hurt me so much to discover that. It's not her fault that I feel this way, and as much as I blame myself (including mentally and physically punishing myself) I know that it isn't really my fault either. I genuinely can't change some aspects of myself and I honestly feel that I need some sort of anti-depressant or anxiety medication. It has gotten to the point before that I have thought about cutting off contact with her, to save the apparent certain increase in pain for us both later on, but this was quite simply delusional of me. I cannot imagine the regret I would feel if I ever did something like that.

I don't want to be too obsessive in the wrong way about my relationship, and if I can make any valid suggestions to try to help you out, it'd be to let her know that your concerns are not to be misread as you not trusting her, and that you really do not take enjoyment for your behaviour. At least she should understand and not get the wrong impression the next time it starts up, and hopefully she'll try to help you too.


Crying or Very sad


Thanks for being so considerate and understanding.


You are a thilly moothe but I love you all the same. I'd do anything I can to alleviate your worries, since that's all they are, thoughts.
_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
AsteroidNap
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 06, 2011
Posts: 596
Location: Santa Monica, CA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nick,

It sounds to me like you're simply working through your trust issues. As you get closer and more intimate, the stakes get a little higher, don't they? If you haven't been this close to someone, then you're in new territory, and that can be frightening. I think this is where you just have to 'let go' a fully trust that the other person will be there.

Also consider what the above posters have said about loving yourself. I know you've said you've made progress in this regard, and though I don't know you well, I think I see a confidence there. But you should be mindful of the specter of self-sabotage. Sometimes our worst demons find nifty, inventive ways to thwart our desires. It's like silly-putty that squirts between the fingers of your clenched fist. You think you have a handle on something, but it manifests itself in new, unfamiliar ways.

Also remember that relationships are a process. There will be rough spots, fights even. You'll have to work hard to come through these inevitable bumps.

Finally, it seems you have an understanding of what works and what doesn't. Perhaps before taking an action, before making a comment, take a quick inventory of the foibles you mentioned and see if what you're about to do matches those issues. I do this more and more now...it's quite difficult to say the least, but it helps break destructive patterns that are ingrained in ones behavior.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Wrong Planet Autism Forum Index -> Love and Dating   
1, 2  Next  

 
Read more Articles on Wrong Planet



Wrong Planet is a Registered Trademark.
Copyright 2004-2014, Wrong Planet, LLC and Alex Plank. Alex does public speaking for Autism.

Advertise on Wrong Planet

Alex Hotchalk / Glam 

Alex Plank  Aspie Affection 

Terms of Service - You must read this as a user of Wrong Planet | Privacy Policy

Subscribe: RSS Feed  Wrong Planet News  Wrong Planet Forums




fine art