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Aspiestar924
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02 Oct 2011, 5:53 pm

This is someone I met at university, who I've been infatuated with for two years now. He is one of my lecturers: after the first class with him, I was in love. Admittedly, I've had fantasies since my teenage years about having a relationship with a scholar type as a kind of initiation into adulthood. But I decided with this guy that if he wasn't married (and in the lecture, he seemed to mention about being lonely in the romantic sense), I'd work towards being able to start a relationship and get engaged to him after graduation. However, for the sake of appropriate conduct in the position of trust, I would only have Platonic contact while still his student, and only try to get to know him more, and wait for the time I'd be free to be with him.

Then, he did mention in the context of a lecture that he had a wife, so I was happy to move on. But I did find him flirtatious with me for the past two years, partially because before I knew he was married I had flirted with him, but I tried to not 'lead him on' by responding too much after I knew he was off the market.

However, last year, he invited all the students out for end of term drinks, and I and a friend did stay on for multiple rounds with him and he revealed he was from an open marriage and had a long term other partner to his wife and had relationships as well during his marriage and did seem kind of interested in me. However with AS, I was too poor with social skills to suggest my interest in him.

Is this relationship worth pursuing or will it lead to too many issues with the student-professor bounds of contact?


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'Who threw the first stone spear? It wasn't the social type people chatting around the campfire. It was the Asperger's.'
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lelia
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02 Oct 2011, 8:55 pm

Noooooooooooooo! Please find someone else who isn't lying to you.



CanadianRose
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02 Oct 2011, 9:14 pm

I say Nooooooooooooooooo as well.

I don't necessarily think that he is lying to you, however, I think that this relationship is:

1. Built on a fantasy that you have spun for two years of infatuation;
2. Not equal as he is a lecturer and, therefore, not your peer.
3. (If he is being honest about being in an "open relationship" with his wife) - being an additional partner in an open relationship is a minefield. It is best left to experienced people who know and understand the complexity of such a relationship and their role in it. I don't believe that you are that person based on your admitted lack of social skills and (I am merely guessing here) - lack of experience in relationships (forgive me if I am wrong in assuming this).

Stay away from this. Stay far, far away.



simon_says
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02 Oct 2011, 9:50 pm

Up to you. If you are looking for something serious I would think not.