Living with roommates in apartments - School and College Life

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tcorrielus
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Jun 30, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 576
Location: Buffalo, NY

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:08 am Post subject: Living with roommates in apartments

When I go to graduate school next year, I wanna get out of my parents' house and live in an apartment that is occupied by graduate and professional students, because I want to see if doing this will help me develop a better social experience than I did during my high school and college years. For any Aspies living with roommates, were you able to develop social friendships with your roommates? Did you and your roommates ever hang out at random places? Did your roommates ever introduce to you their own friends and socialize together? I don't know if this topic should be in the School/College Life, General Autism Discussion, or Making Social Skills sections of Wrong Planet.

lotuspuppy
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Jan 15, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 853
Location: On a journey to the center of the mind

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 11:54 am Post subject:

My advice is to make clear from the onset that you have Asperger's, and need very clear, consistent communications. Graduate school students, by definition, are well-educated and value clear communication themselves. Hey, you never know if one is an aspie himself. I find culture can make a difference, too. I have roomed with several people, and (sadly) have learned to avoid people from the Tri-State area. They tend to have big personalities and be rather confrontational. They are also some of the most competitive people I know, and will use anything they know about you against you. All humans are to an extent, but I find Tri-State area people to be very petty.

Agemaki
Snowy Owl

Joined: Oct 12, 2011
Posts: 151
Location: In a grove of oak trees, having a tea party with squirrels.

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:07 pm Post subject:

The first roommate that I had was just a complete nightmere and if anything I just hid out in my room even more in order to avoid her and her many loud friends. We were complete opposites in about every way and I was just happy to get away from her. My second roommate was much less irksome and I actually developed feelings of fondness for her. She invited me on some of her outings with friends but for the most part I was far too occupied with my studies to accept her invitations. Still, she was very supportive of me during the stressful times I endured in school and we occasionally watched movies together. It took me a while to get comfortable talking to her about the various issues arising from living together (I need complete darkness and silence in order to sleep.) but in the end I found her to be rather accommodating, unlike my first roommate, and so we got along well. Anyway, best of luck to you!

Tudball
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: Aug 26, 2011
Posts: 25

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2011 12:36 pm Post subject:

If you think about it, there are billions of people in the world, all of whom have different personalities and values. Having a roommate picked out of a hat means that you'll get one of these people, and who they are is up to chance. Because of this, it's often up to chance whether they're a perfect match or a complete flop, or somewhere in between. If you're willing to take that risk, be prepared to discuss with your roommate lifestyles, bed times, noise levels, etc., so whether or not you rub along, you'll at least have clearly defined rules that should make your experience easier. For me personally, I bunked with a close friend of mine, and we hang out all the time. Just last night, we went as two 'Creepers' from this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPZmPaHme0&feature=relmfu for Halloween. I got completely piss drunk and now I feel sick. Good luck!

nikaTheJellyfish
Snowy Owl

Joined: Oct 01, 2011
Posts: 125

Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:44 pm Post subject:

For me living with a roommate was awful. Even if i had my own room I could not tell what they expected of me. One wanted dishes done every day, another didn't care. One actually wanted us to eat together a few times a week. One freaked out when I covered the kitchen floor with potting soil (i was about to clean it up...). Usually it ended like this Roommate: There are dishes here from 2 days ago me: I had a test R: You need to do them M: I will tomorrow AFTER my test and after I sleep R: Did you not get the hint a left that I want them done now? My bf, friend, parent, whatever is coming later. I don't want to be embarrassed M: giving them blank look thinking about how the dishes are not even all mine and hwo cares if there are a few bowls in the sink when someone comes over. Also wondering what the hint was I was upposed to get M: Ok well I will do them later R: Just get it done And each time it left me feeling like I was being treated like a 5 year old. I couldn't make it work. And then I swore off roommates forever...... With the last one I ended up living in my room.

Comp_Geek_573
Phoenix
Phoenix

Joined: Sep 28, 2011
Age: 28
Posts: 546

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:38 pm Post subject:

I'd tell him to do the dishes that are his, and let me deal with mine when I have time. _________________ Your Aspie score: 98 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200 You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits AQ: 33

ooo
Velociraptor

Joined: Apr 09, 2012
Posts: 494

Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 4:11 pm Post subject:

Roommates tend to chat, sometimes hang out. Graduate student roommates tend to chat more than hanging out. Find a way to go over ground rules... who can stay over at the apartment... who cleans... are dirty dishes left out ok... how about TVs/stereos loud... etc. from the start.

prettykitty
Butterfly

Joined: May 15, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 11
Location: Bloomington, Illinois, USA

Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 9:38 pm Post subject:

As far as rooming goes, it depends on the person. However, my advice is to establish boundaries with roommates. This past term I had to deal with my roommates partying in the dorm on a school night and one time when I was gone for the weekend my private bedroom was trashed. That said, be very clear about setting boundaries and if you have your own room, lock your door when you leave. If possible, room with someone you know.

prettykitty
Butterfly

Joined: May 15, 2012
Age: 22
Posts: 11
Location: Bloomington, Illinois, USA

Posted: Fri May 18, 2012 9:39 pm Post subject:

As far as rooming goes, it depends on the person. However, my advice is to establish boundaries with roommates. This past term I had to deal with my roommates partying in the dorm on a school night and one time when I was gone for the weekend my private bedroom was trashed. That said, be very clear about setting boundaries and if you have your own room, lock your door when you leave. If possible, room with someone you know.