mv wrote:
It's very difficult for me to find people I'm attracted to. I think that's my #1 hurdle. The amount of searching I have to do just to find even remotely compatible candidates seems like too much. There just don't seem to be a lot of single, age-appropriate, attractive-to-me people. Then again, I have a pretty committed lifestyle that doesn't allow me much free time to socialize, and the free time I do have I need to spend a good portion of it alone, recharging.
I don't think it's a matter of too few people, I live outside a major metropolitan area in the U.S. Sometimes I feel invisible being this old, and with children. My interests are largely "girly" so I don't meet men that way. The few Adult Education classes I've gone to were full of couples and 20-somethings and other single women. My gym is also full of couples and 20-somethings and other single women. No single men near my age.
I'm trying very hard to get more value out of spending time with people, but it's hard for me because I selfishly guard my alone time since it's in such short supply. Given a choice, I'll reluctantly drag myself out but still wish I stayed home by myself.
I'm not sure if this is an age-related thing or not. It could be, because I'm more attuned to my needs (which comes with age). You might say, "Well, then, why date?" and the answer always comes back to "Sex" and "People to cook with". I guess I'm uncomfortable trying to date again until I come up with better reasons than that.
Anyone else in this kind of a funk?
MV,
Yes, I am in that kind of funk but actually I am glad I am. I am nearly fully healed from an intense, fun, passionate relationship that was wonderful (and I mean wonderful in some ways) but unhealthy in others. I always have to just drop out of dating for a while - like several months to rebuild. When I fall for someone, I fall hard (he did too)! It did not help that he and I tried getting back together two times in May and August - big mistake!
MV- what qualities do you seek in a viable romantic match (physical and cerebral)? Do you see a viable romantic match as a "total package"? What age range are you seeking? What are your relationship goals (activity partner, short term dating or do you want a shot at a long term exclusive committed relationship? Would you ever get married again if you found a suitable guy who chimed your bell on all fronts and he was good to your children? Are you open to relocation? Would you date a guy who has children from a previous relationship? Do you have any other dealbreaker preferences that automatically excludes certain guys? What are your hobbies/interests and passions? Will you date NTs? Do you prefer Aspies?
If you are amenable to answering these questions, I think we might be able to sort things out and develop a worthwhile game plan for you. Please allow me to clarify this -in no way do I mean to suggest you need to answer these questions publically. And, maybe for your purposes you don't need ask yourself or answer them at all. For my own sake and the way I solve problems for myself, I need to go through this exercise. It's difficult but it gives me the answers I seek. Sort of along lines of seek and you shall find.
In the interest of reciprocity, I plan on answering all of the above questions myself after I return from dinner later tonight!
MV- thanks for making this post because I wanted to do it. Quite frankly, these are the type of posts that I find the most worthwhile because it engenders brainstorming!
And lastly thanks for making the suggestion last week about the necessity for a 40something thread in the first place! Great idea MV!! !!
Heck I will even answer them publically - be a guinea pig of sorts!
Post will be forthcoming shortly! Competing priorities and all that jazz!
Last edited by HopefulRomantic on 03 Nov 2011, 10:02 pm, edited 3 times in total.
02 Nov 2011, 4:35 pm
