40+ Something L & D - Why and How of Marriage (9/10)

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Joined: 11 Aug 2010
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Location: Atlanta, GA

02 Nov 2011, 6:41 pm

The purpose of this thread is to facilitate discussions among 40+ something WP members about the why and how to of marriage (including the challenges, risks and rewards of the responsibilities of long-term commitment, children, cohabitation).

shrox
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09 Nov 2011, 10:57 pm

Am I the only divorced aspie?

Fnord
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09 Nov 2011, 11:03 pm

This is my second marriage. My first marriage taught me more about what does not work than my parents' marriage taught me about about what works.

(I hope that makes sense.)

Am I the only Aspie in a mixed-culture marriage?

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mv
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09 Nov 2011, 11:12 pm

I am divorced. There are several of us here. I was not in a mixed-culture marriage, unless you count Northeast U.S. / Midwest U.S. as mixed-culture (which most days I could).

Last edited by mv on 10 Nov 2011, 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

gadge
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09 Nov 2011, 11:48 pm

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

nope !
married in 1989, divoriced in 1999

Not to mention my dad who divoriced my mom after 13yrs

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"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."

HopefulRomantic
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10 Nov 2011, 12:57 pm

Fnord wrote:

Fnord,

Your point makes sense: perhaps, we all learn more through personal experience than by vicariously observing others.

I can't address your inquiry as I have no clue. I will say this though - variety is the spice of life. Frequently, I find people from different cultures fascinating because there is so much to learn from them.

How are you doing?

Leslie

HopefulRomantic
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10 Nov 2011, 12:59 pm

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

Apparently not Commander Shrox - although you maybe the only divorced Aspie who commands a starship!!

On a more personal note, do you take passengers onboard your starship? Please advise. Thanks!

HopefulRomantic
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10 Nov 2011, 1:03 pm

gadge wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

nope !
married in 1989, divoriced in 1999

Not to mention my dad who divoriced my mom after 13yrs

Gadge,

How are you doing? Are you getting ready for Thanksgiving? I will be spending the holiday in GA with my Mom.
My brother and his family are coming down from NJ where I grew up. In addition, some of my Mom's neighbors will be coming over as well. All in all, it will be a great day!!

Leslie

gadge
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10 Nov 2011, 2:45 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:

gadge wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

nope !
married in 1989, divoriced in 1999

Not to mention my dad who divoriced my mom after 13yrs

Just ok,
I still cant walk more than 10 minutes without legs going numb and me falling down.
Dr's are still ????? its been 6mo now.

ready for Thanksgiving ? ,
I have not gotten my TV dinner yet. I have stuffing, gravy, instant mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce though

All in all, its gonna suk the same as usual, no reason to even call it thanks-giving
It will be spent at home alone with my 2 cats,.... the same that its been for the last 5 yrs At least my cats like turkey.

My sister isn't talking to me, reason unknown. my mom will be going there. I'm not invited..... thats all the family I have.

Whem I was married EVERY thanksgiving was spent at my sisters

The same applies to Christmas and New Years so please don't ask about those either

and I don't watch football :lol:

_________________
"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."

slipacre
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10 Nov 2011, 9:41 pm

I am both married and divorced the second time is much better because I had an Idea of who I was, and did not go into it for the wrong reasons.
Divorce was very difficult
Second marriage is much easier.
I for one was not ready to marry the first time was not relationship qualified. They really should have a training course
without the endorphins.

Not sure where this is going but getting married to validate myself - did not work.

shrox
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10 Nov 2011, 10:07 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

Apparently not Commander Shrox - although you maybe the only divorced Aspie who commands a starship!!

On a more personal note, do you take passengers onboard your starship? Please advise. Thanks!

I lost the ship in the divorce...now it just hangs there in geostationary orbit, mocking me...

HopefulRomantic
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11 Nov 2011, 8:12 am

gadge wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

gadge wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

nope !
married in 1989, divoriced in 1999

Not to mention my dad who divoriced my mom after 13yrs

Gadge,

First and foremost, I hope your doctors are able to pull a House and provide you with a diagnosis soon. Perhaps, most importantly, you have abundant tenacity as you have mentioned frequently in your forum posts. The bottom line is you possess the mental fortitude to hang in there without exception until they get you some relief.

As to your sister's ostracizing you - I think it speaks volumes about her, not you. Although I don't know her in real life, at minimum I think her not providing you with an explanation is impolite.

In this life, some people lack the ability to empathize - much to their detriment in my opinion. End of the day, all we can do is control our attitudes and actions.

My sincere hope is that this series of threads provides some comfort to you. Maybe in a way, we are like an Internet family of sorts. Two WP members have told me via PM that they are pleasantly astonished that there has not been any "pervasive nastiness" in any of these threads. I agree wholeheartedly.

On a more personal note, this whole exercise has utterly transformed my life. In a way, I am on the mental journey of a lifetime in which I have systematically ripped myself down to my innermost core because I am at a huge crossroads in my life. I want to position myself to make wise choices.

And it is not a coincidence that this NT (meaning me) came here looking for answers, empathy and wisdom. For what it's worth, your posts have been crucial in my personal growth! Thanks!

Hugs,
Leslie

HopefulRomantic
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11 Nov 2011, 9:47 am

shrox wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

Apparently not Commander Shrox - although you maybe the only divorced Aspie who commands a starship!!

On a more personal note, do you take passengers onboard your starship? Please advise. Thanks!

I lost the ship in the divorce...now it just hangs there in geostationary orbit, mocking me...

Shrox,

These days I am trying to follow my instincts. My instincts tell me this: the starship might be a vestige of your past - one you no longer need or want. Ultimately, only you know if this is correct.

Moreover, as a highly creative artist/animator (I checked out your link), I think you are capable of constructing/building a new starship if you are so inclined.

Leslie

HopefulRomantic
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11 Nov 2011, 9:53 am

slipacre wrote:

I am both married and divorced the second time is much better because I had an Idea of who I was, and did not go into it for the wrong reasons.
Divorce was very difficult
Second marriage is much easier.
I for one was not ready to marry the first time was not relationship qualified. They really should have a training course
without the endorphins.

Not sure where this is going but getting married to validate myself - did not work.

My definition of a healthy romantic relationship is this: a mutually beneficial partnership in which neither party gets everything they want; instead each party gets some of they want. Compromise and communication are key and essential.

If one party is looking for validation in the marriage, it would seem that they are not a partner.

Any thoughts?

gadge
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11 Nov 2011, 2:06 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:

shrox wrote:

HopefulRomantic wrote:

shrox wrote:

Am I the only divorced aspie?

Apparently not Commander Shrox - although you maybe the only divorced Aspie who commands a starship!!

On a more personal note, do you take passengers onboard your starship? Please advise. Thanks!

I lost the ship in the divorce...now it just hangs there in geostationary orbit, mocking me...

Shrox
[please excuse my analagy],

We all seem to be on a Star Trek of our own. The Saturn series of rockets could only take us to the moon. They were disposable, ineffiecient and loud as hell.

The original, space ship, was one designed a while ago when we first started our quest to make it to the moon. Now that we have been there its time to undertake a more of a continuing mission. To boldly go ......

With the knowledge we have obtained over our many diverse missions encompassing every quadrant of the universe the original design can be greatly improved.
The alien species we have encountered have offer us some of their technology. An insight of their religions, customs, and views
Some spiecies have been ones that we assisted, others assist us in our quest for knowledge, Yet still...occasionally we find ourselves confronting the unknown.

VV Star Trek Enterprise intro VV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gl0jZKfxoBA

Full version "Faith of the Heart" by Russel Watson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-VUoGSf ... re=related

Additionally if you would like to build a new starship I will gladly assist. I love to build anything!
Myself , I'd like to go th the stars ! !
I've been to the moon and its fairly barren, covered with regolith and lacks a breathable atmosphere.

_________________
"I feel as if I am walking in the rain, everyone else has an umbrella,
but I do not. I am soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold."

shrox
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Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 59
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Location: OK let's go.

11 Nov 2011, 4:34 pm

gadge wrote:

...Additionally if you would like to build a new starship I will gladly assist. I love to build anything!
Myself , I'd like to go th the stars ! !
I've been to the moon and its fairly barren, covered with regolith and lacks a breathable atmosphere.

I just need funding...

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