DestinyB24
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 01, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 16
Location: Kansas
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 Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:02 pm Post subject: what should i do? |
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so about a month ago my girlfriend gave me a rainbow bracelet as a gift. i wore it everywhere i went. but my dad started asking a bunch of questions as to why i was wearing some rainbow bracelet. (i would like to add that my did is very against the gay society). i told him i got it from a friend. and he asked me if i was gay... i just don't know if i should tell him or not. he's not the type to forgive and forget. i just don't think that our relationship will be the same if i tell him.
HELP??!! |
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Descartes
Cogito Ergo Sum
Joined: Apr 09, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 5998
Location: Arlington, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:01 pm Post subject: |
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What, exactly, do you think he'll do if you told him you were gay? If he's the type who would kick you out of the house, or make you undergo some kind of reparative counseling, then I'd refrain from telling him (and in that case you'd probably have to lie about what the rainbow bracelet means - I'm sure you'll think of something). If he isn't the type who would kick you out, then what's the worst he could do if he knew that you were gay? It may be hard for him at first, but he'll get over it eventually. Remember that you're still his daughter whom I'm sure he loves unconditionally.
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sMeow
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 22, 2011
Age: 16
Posts: 231
Location: France
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| Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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Since when wearing a rainbow bracelet is gay... ?
If he's open-minded, it's okay... but if you're not sure that he will accept your homosexuality, you should lie. I guess you're forced to live with him for the moment, so...
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visagrunt
Polymath
Joined: Oct 17, 2009
Age: 45
Posts: 5754
Location: Vancouver, BC
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:57 am Post subject: |
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I don't think it's a case of if you should tell him, but when.
If your father is asking you the question, then clearly the thought has crossed his mind. Your coming out is unlikely to be complete surprise.
Your relationship will change after you come out to your family, but not necessarily for the worse. When you feel secure enough in both your sexuality and your relationship with your father, you will tell him. If that point has not yet arrived, then you are perfectly right to wait. On the other hand, if you are sure that the time has arrived, then you are doing neither yourself nor your father any favours by waiting.
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mushroo
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 15, 2011
Posts: 492
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| Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome to the forums, your first question is a big one, but don't worry! "Coming out to your family" is a very big topic, you will find thousands of websites, forums, books, movies, etc. to give you advice. Also there is probably an LGBT organization at your school or in your community with someone you can talk to. Take your time and consider a variety of decisions before you make your decision.
I don't know enough about your situation to give you advice one way or the other. For example are you a minor or an adult, do you live at home or have your own place, is your dad violent/angry/alcoholic, etc.
There are many examples of parents who were against the gay lifestyle at first, but who learned to accept and love their children after coming out. I hope that your father is one of these people, good luck! |
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ChessChick
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 03, 2011
Posts: 50
Location: Kentucky
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| Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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| You really should tell your dad. Honesty is the best policy. Besides, he will find out eventually. |
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DestinyB24
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 01, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 16
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 11:47 am Post subject: |
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[quote="sMeow"]Since when wearing a rainbow bracelet is gay... ?
i have no idea. i guess i know where he is coming from, but i just don't understand what the problem is. i'm just scared to tell him i guess. he's not a father that is very understanding and open-minded. i'm not sure if right now is the right time to tell him. our relationship is stained as it is and i think that telling him would just set him off and make things worse. i grew up learning that lying was bad, and it hurts to know that i have to keep this big of a secret from my whole family. |
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mushroo
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 15, 2011
Posts: 492
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| DestinyB24 wrote: | | ...i grew up learning that lying was bad... |
Keeping your private life private is not "lying." |
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DestinyB24
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 01, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 16
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Keeping your private life private is not "lying." |
yeah, i completely understand. i just feel bad about it i guess. you know what i mean? i wish i had the guts to just come out and tell him. but i'm so worried about his opinion. everyones opinion at that. i just wanna be happy with my choices. and i don't think that if i tell my dad, that i will be happy with the choice that i've made. |
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Cornflake
Rattles when shaken
Joined: Oct 31, 2010
Posts: 30474
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| sMeow wrote: | | Since when wearing a rainbow bracelet is gay... ? |
Probably from this: | Quote: | | The world's best-known version of the rainbow flag, sometimes called 'the freedom flag', was popularized as a symbol of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) pride and diversity by San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker in 1978. The different colors symbolize diversity in the gay community, and the flag is used predominantly at gay pride events and in gay villages worldwide in various forms including banners, clothing and jewelry. For the 25th Anniversary of the Stonewall riots, held in 1994 in New York city, a mile-long rainbow flag was created and post-parade cut up in sections that have since been used around the world. |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_flag#LGBT_.28Lesbian.2C_Gay.2C_Bisexual.2C_Transgender.29_Pride_.281978.29
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Jory
Always in the wrong place at the wrong time
Joined: Jun 03, 2011
Age: 29
Posts: 6304
Location: Tornado Alley
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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I once wore a necklace similar to this...
...without the yin/yang pendant, and like a magnet, it attracted people asking me if I was gay.
Which I was kind of hoping for, but I was hoping the people would be gay guys. No luck.  |
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Cornflake
Rattles when shaken
Joined: Oct 31, 2010
Posts: 30474
Location: Hertfordshire, UK
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| Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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I wore a bracelet identical to that, without the symbol, for the same reason - and with the same result.
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Lubbe
Emu Egg
Joined: Nov 08, 2011
Age: 25
Posts: 3
Location: Stockholm
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| Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:54 am Post subject: |
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| Simply say that you wear it to support others. Most parents are strangely okay with just showing an opinion, even if it clashes with their own. |
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DestinyB24
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 01, 2011
Age: 18
Posts: 16
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 12:03 pm Post subject: |
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ya,, that would probably be an easier alternative for now. thank you everyone!!!  |
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AspieRoss
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Nov 23, 2011
Posts: 48
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| Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 1:26 pm Post subject: The Rainbow is also a symbol for.... |
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In the US, the Rainbow flag is also a symbol of the Rainbow Gathering, which is a group of like-minded "hippy" types who gather together once a year for 2 weeks in one of the state forests.
I was a huge deadhead for years (deadhead=follower of the rock band the Grateful Dead) and one
year I went to a Rainbow Gathering with a str8 friend of mine. It was so cool, almost like the parking lot scene but better!
Lots of naked guys and girls, communal living and sharing of food/water. And tons of RAINBOW FLAGS.
I know, when I was still closeted to my family, wearing purple and rainbow colored clothing was normal because
I was an active deadhead (I saw them a total of 78 times) and that is how we dressed back then.
Of course I am not sure that this little story helps much, other then to point out that the
Rainbow is a symbol of things other than being gay! |
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