en_una_isla
Queen of the Nile
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 2862
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 Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:35 pm Post subject: more vulnerable to sexual assault/abuse than NT females? |
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I have had a long standing theory that aspies, esp female aspies, are more vulnerable to sexual assault, harrassment, and abuse than are NT females, because we lack the social wherewithal 1) to recognize a dangerous person or abuser or 2) deal with/ speak to/ react effectively to protect ourselves and possibly 3) abusers/ attackers can "sense" weakness in their prey and could potentially "target" us due to that. I remember reading an interview with a convicted pedophile and he said he could go into a room full of children and know exactly which one to target, which one would be the easiest to exploit and the least likely to talk.
I remember one time when I was a teenager, I tagged along with 2 of my sister's friends to a bar. A man approached me and asked me some questions... I told him my full name, where I lived, more info about myself, etc. The two ladies I was with were stunned and told me I never should have said those things to him. I didn't understand this at all.
I have also had situations where I know any "normal" woman would have protected herself in one way or another, yet I never did. |
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Babe
Hummingbird
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Joined: Sep 24, 2006
Posts: 18
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 1:28 am Post subject: |
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deleted
Last edited by Babe on Sat Sep 30, 2006 1:29 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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en_una_isla
Queen of the Nile
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 2862
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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Aspie men are, I'm sure, more vulnerable to sexual assault too, but I did write the thread with females in mind.
| Babe wrote: |
I'm superparanoid and careful, always take a cab home and don't trust anyone... etc.
It annoys me a lot, that unlike NT women, I just can't 'let go' and rely on my instincts. |
Interesting-- I have to either consciously do a total lockdown, or be myself, which is completely open. |
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ADoyle
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 17, 2005
Age: 37
Posts: 980
Location: Southern California, USA
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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I think Aspies in general are slightly more vulnerable to sexual abuse or other crimes. My case is somewhat different in that the perpetrator was a male babysitter my parents hired.
_________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason,
and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo Galilei |
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Cherokee
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 223
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| Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I think it’s possible that I’m a little less vulnerable than most people, because my mom was molested as a child she has taught me to be extra cautious and paranoid. Also I have been told that I radiate a “don’t touch me” aura. |
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thistledown
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 08, 2006
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:47 am Post subject: |
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Can't speak for all aspie fems but I was molested by older boys in school. I think it was partly because I radiated that target "aura" but also because I didn't have any friends to rescue me. I was the weird girl who didn't deserve the integrity of her body, I guess.
Thistledown |
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Sixela
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 19, 2006
Posts: 303
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| Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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I've been especially wary of people my whole life and I never was really attracted to younger men. When I was 13 I had a boyfriend who was 16 (lasted a week). He was my first kiss and first make-out (although I had played dirty games like a lot of young kids do when I was younger than that), it did not end well. I think I really hurt HIS feelings because I see him once in a while still and he won't even look at me if he can help it. Which sucks, I feel badly about it.
When I was 17 I was interested in an 18, almost 19 year old guy, very cute, I thought, and intelligent, thougtful, full of compliments for me and shy, which I like. We did make out for like hours one drunk night (we were with a group of mutual friends). Nothing happened I think a lot of miscommunication, and we were both hurt, I believe, I know I was and I sort of hurt him on purpose. I WAS very confused. Mostly I couldn't ever stand teenage guys; too immature, sexist, dumb (not to be really judgemental, just making a point), and I stayed away.
Since then I had a weird relationship or two. I was mislead really badly one time though. I got out of it but only because I had friends (the only people I thought trustworthy at the time) looking out for me.
For the past five years I've been in a relationship with the same man. Um, I DO find myself somewhat more naive even around guys that he knows, I don't pick up on subtle things and my BF sometimes clues me in later and I'm like "HUH?". But, since my late teens I seem to be able to FEEL any male set of eyes on me and I'm good at knowing when they're checking me out. I really don't like that at all. Not to piss and whine, it is complimentary I suppose but I feel like a piece of meat and what is it with men? I mean, when I like the way someone looks I look, but I don't gawk, I sort of scan them very quickly and that's it. I don't do it very much anyway. Men- they gawk and glare and I feel like b***h-slapping them at times! |
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morningdove
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2006
Posts: 35
Location: South Florida/F/32
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| Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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I am paranoid around men.  I have a hard time trusting them, especially since many boys made fun of me so badly when I was in school...it was so bad that i developed a general distrust & fear of them, & so I have never even dated any. I cant help thinking that any guy whos interested in me for any reason will eventually do something negative/hurtful to me, whether thats something physical or emotional/mental. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, Sensitive brown-eyed Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 38
Posts: 87185
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden, where gentle Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:14 am Post subject: |
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| morningdove wrote: | | I am paranoid around men. I have a hard time trusting them, especially since many boys made fun of me so badly when I was in school...it was so bad that i developed a general distrust & fear of them, & so I have never even dated any. I cant help thinking that any guy whos interested in me for any reason will eventually do something negative/hurtful to me, whether thats something physical or emotional/mental. |
That's how I feel. |
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hale_bopp
All Kinds of Freak
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 14837
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 1:30 am Post subject: |
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I agree.
I've been taken advantage of by men, and If I was NT, I would have known the right thing to do or say. |
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midge
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 03, 2004
Posts: 301
Location: The Great Plains
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:43 am Post subject: |
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| I definitely think we are more vulnerable to that and that a lot of those who do it know just who to target. I read once about a woman with AS who was teaching at a college and was in her classroom early in the morning when a ragged looking man came into the room. Luckily nothing happened to her (at least not that I remember) and she said it took her awhile to realize the danger she was in. I think it's kind of a miracle that nothing too bad has happened to me so far, because I'm easily lied to and manipulated and my social deficits are pretty obvious, and on top of that I'm quite small. The one time I was sort of taken advantage of (it was when I was 13 and in the hospital, and this creepy doctor who was taking my vitals had me put on a hospital gown backwards so that the opening was in the front and everything showed) I just did as I was told without really thinking about it and didn't say anything until later, and it was to my mom. I think the reason nothing much has happened is because I'm very paranoid and hyper-aware-I'm often looking over my shoulder and sometimes even running away when most people wouldn't. I feel bad about it since I think that most men are probably pretty nice (though I tend to dislike many of those in the 12-25 range because of how mean and selfish they are sometimes) and sometimes I act very cautiously around men who are different in some way, but I feel like I must avoid dangerous situations to begin with because I fear that if I were to get in one, I probably either wouldn't recognize it in time or would have difficulty escaping because of my size. |
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ping-machine
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 26, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 910
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I know I had a problem with a man once, not because I was open to attack, but I froze instead of knowing how to tell him to stop. |
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Beenthere
10 Miles South of Sanity
Joined: Dec 30, 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 2245
Location: Pa.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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...gullible...probably describes it best for me.
_________________
*Normal* is just a setting on the dryer. |
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Grim
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 30, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 471
Location: Brighton, East Sussex
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| Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 6:44 am Post subject: |
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| ping-machine wrote: | | I know I had a problem with a man once, not because I was open to attack, but I froze instead of knowing how to tell him to stop. |
The same thing happened to me. |
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aetherlost
Hummingbird
Joined: Sep 27, 2006
Posts: 23
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| Posted: Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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I also experienced sexual assault and molestation at school, from my male classmates.
If I'd been reading a book and the main character was experiencing what I was then, I would have realised that it was wrong - but I couldn't make the connection between myself and them. However I didn't know any better at the age of 10 and instead asked teachers what was right and wrong. They told me I was a freak (at the age of 11, I looked about 20) and that if I resisted, I might cause unhappiness and lifelong damage to the boys, and it wasn't their fault - their response to me was only normal. Yes, they were aware that I could be 'programmed' by emphatic statements from those in a position of trust. They knew that I would take such statements as literal truth. I do not know why they wanted me to become a compliant sex toy. It escalated from pinching and comments into group assault and attempted rape while I was in secondary school. It didn't stop until I left.
I learned important things from this. That the world saw me as something to be controlled and put down. That nobody should ever be trusted. That normal will always be given consideration over aspie. At the age of 11, I discovered that suicide _was_ a way out for non-fictional people.
This is a hard post to type. I am still finding it very difficult, even at the age of 30, to leave behind the conditioning of that time that told me I was a freak for being so ungrateful and mean. |
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