TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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 Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:48 pm Post subject: My turn to whine.... |
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I am having a really hard time coping with my sorry excuse for a love life. When I actually like someone (which I admit is rare) I can't get anywhere. BUT... and here's the part I can't cope with... I keep getting horny men both online and in person trying to get into my pants. Some of these man get really, really mean when I reject them.
I don't know how to deal with all this unwanted attention, nor do I even really understand why I get it in the first place. It's not like I'm anything special in the looks department. 
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deconstruction
State of Love and Trust
Joined: Aug 04, 2011
Age: 31
Posts: 1764
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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I think you might appear too friendly. Men often confuse friendliness or just "being nice and polite" for a green light.
Or maybe they know about your Asperger's and assume you'd be an easy target.
Or maybe you are good looking even if you don't see it.
Whatever it is, you don't owe them anything. Don't lead them on, but you shouldn't be afraid to openly say: "I don't like you this way. I'm not interested that way in you".
PS- If those are the Aspie guys we're talking about, make it double obvious. |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, deconstruction. I do have a hard time telling people no, but I do it.
People tell me I'm attractive, but I don't believe them. It's not that I have low self-esteem... I just don't see it. Frankly, I care very little about my appearance. I have a hard time understanding why others DO care.
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Grisha
Aspiring Crazy Cat Guy
Joined: Oct 16, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 8333
Location: LA-ish
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:37 pm Post subject: Re: My turn to whine.... |
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| TeaEarlGreyHot wrote: | | I don't know how to deal with all this unwanted attention, nor do I even really understand why I get it in the first place. |
It seems like your cross to bear as a woman, I don't know how any woman handles it.
I can go pretty much everywhere and be totally anonymous, and I like it that way...
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DC
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 16, 2011
Posts: 1477
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Perhaps you are more attractive than you think?
You could ask some other women for rejection lines that work well on men without them feeling somehow offended.
PS I only love you for your tea cup.  |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Can I trade genders for a while? Totally anonymous sounds like heaven...
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deconstruction
State of Love and Trust
Joined: Aug 04, 2011
Age: 31
Posts: 1764
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I think it's better to say no as soon as possible. I know what is like to have a trouble saying no, but it's better to do it, in the long run. |
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Grisha
Aspiring Crazy Cat Guy
Joined: Oct 16, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 8333
Location: LA-ish
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| DC wrote: | Perhaps you are more attractive than you think?
You could ask some other women for rejection lines that work well on men without them feeling somehow offended.
PS I only love you for your tea cup. |
I always respond to the word "boyfriend", have you tried dropping that one?
Totally non-offensive and effective.
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"There's nothing sadder than an aging hipster." -- Lenny Bruce |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Grisha wrote: | | DC wrote: | Perhaps you are more attractive than you think?
You could ask some other women for rejection lines that work well on men without them feeling somehow offended.
PS I only love you for your tea cup. |
I always respond to the word "boyfriend", have you tried dropping that one?
Totally non-offensive and effective. |
I'm not sure I understand what you mean here. Are you suggesting I pretend I have a boyfriend?
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Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| deconstruction wrote: | | I think it's better to say no as soon as possible. I know what is like to have a trouble saying no, but it's better to do it, in the long run. |
I agree, and I try to. Problem is, often times I don't even realize they're heading in that direction and in turn they believe I've already said yes.
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Do you teach me while I'm here?
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curlyfry
come out from among them and be ye curly
Joined: Jun 14, 2010
Age: 43
Posts: 1491
Location: Latitude : 45.373. Longitude : -84.955
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Start monologuing that should snap them out of it. |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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_________________
Do you bury me when I'm gone?
Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear |
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Fullofstars
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 12, 2011
Posts: 545
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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Do you live in an urban area, or an area with a particular immigrant demographic? Attitudes towards acceptable ways to approach women vary greatly from culture to culture. I can walk down an avenue the length of central park and predict where men will 1) hiss/ catcall 2) sing to me 3) shout out to me 4) deliberately avert their eyes 5) look at me slyly, look away, look back with a little smirk 6) not notice me at all (or at least not let on if they do).
None of it bothers me, unless the man is extremely persistent. I've never had a man become angry when I turn him down, and this is a constant occurrence (I walk everywhere); I think it's because I smile and walk away very quickly with my head down. I'm shy but not hostile. If men perceive you as hostile they're going to react in kind. As an aspie, without the ability to project nuance in body language and facial expression, there's probably not a whole lot you can do about that, so... My advice? Take your iPod with you everywhere. If you don't have an mp3 player, get. Cheap pair if head phones, and wear them tucked into your pocket. Look at the ground while you walk, and walk in a hurried deliberate fashion. When some guy makes a comment, pretend you didn't hear it. |
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Tim_Tex
Professor Hineybottom
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 41865
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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| If it's on a dating site, and there's a religion option on your profile, say you're a Muslim, and they'll run away. |
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TeaEarlGreyHot
Your Maya
Joined: Jul 05, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 28105
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | | If it's on a dating site, and there's a religion option on your profile, say you're a Muslim, and they'll run away. |
Ironically, the dating site I'm on isn't causing me this trouble.
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Do you teach me while I'm here?
Just as soon as I belong
Then it's time I disappear |
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