Difference between a shutdown and a meltdown?

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AdamDZ
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01 Dec 2011, 8:44 am

I didn't want to hijack the other thread about shutdowns, but what's the difference between a shutdown and a meltdown? I never heard the distinction before I joined WP. I call everything that happens to me and makes me dysfunctional for a period of time a shutdown or a crash (um... like in a computer), although, there are different types of those. Like I have sometimes long episodes of heavy crying, deep depression and would be just lying limp or sleeping, feeling numb, barely eating and ignoring everything for a day or more. These come gradually, like dark clouds coming over my mind slowly. And I very often get the "stuck gears" in my head as described in the other thread, these are usually instant and last shorter and are usually triggered by overload and they go away quicker. And then there is anything in between. Thanks.

A.



bumble
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01 Dec 2011, 9:04 am

I am not officially diagnosed with an ASD but if I am an NT then I have NT versions of those lol.

Shut down is when I become exhausted (and can occur after a meltdown) and slump into a massive episode of depression.

A meltdown is when I get emotionally overloaded and basically have what appears to be an adult tantrum (ie may burst into tears or rant or scream if really upset). The meltdowns will continue until I exhaust myself and can (if I have had a run of them) trigger a shut down. If I only get them now and then though (by avoiding those things that upset me) I tend to be all right once I have slept the exhaustion off. Much to the amusement or non amusement of others as I pop back as though nothing has happened and they are still thinking 'WTF is she loony tunes?'



AdamDZ
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01 Dec 2011, 9:19 am

Ah, thanks. That makes sense. Yeah, sleeping it off is the only way for me too. But sometimes I'm not able to sleep after a meltdown, and that's the worst one. I'd be so exhausted and then sleep-deprived that I'd normally stay home a day or two after that. Lucky, those happen once in a few months only.

I kind of learned to detect a big meltdown coming so I'd take some Klonopin and I'd leave work early to prevent it from happening at work. It works most of the time. Few other times I simply found an empty office and locked myself in for a while. Sometimes it's a false alarm. Also, since it's usually work related, leaving sometimes helped me stop it altogether or at least delay it until I'm safety of my room and then I can cry all I want.

Strangely though I no longer get typical panic attacks.



PTSmorrow
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01 Dec 2011, 11:18 am

My meltdowns are mainly triggered by circumstances and/or people, especially if someone violates my boundaries, comes too close, let alone touches me unexpectedly. What i experience then is a complete loss of control, and although i never attack somebody physically nor damage objects, i become extremely verbally abusive then, scream and shout. It's out of control and, as bumble says, appears as an adult tantrum. It's like exploding and imploding simultaneously. After the meltdown i'm excited, agitated, and exhausted and can't stop thinking about it for a while. The latter means, the memory pops up again and again and each time causes a stress-response. As aftershocks, fortunately but getting weaker each time.

Shutdowns, on the other hand, are as though a connection (phone or internet) is breaking down temporarily. I'm offline to the world, no input, no output. The connection gets reset after a few minutes. There are no strong emotions in a shutdown, i'm just "off".

But that's my personal definition.



bumble
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01 Dec 2011, 11:32 am

AdamDZ wrote:
Ah, thanks. That makes sense. Yeah, sleeping it off is the only way for me too. But sometimes I'm not able to sleep after a meltdown, and that's the worst one. I'd be so exhausted and then sleep-deprived that I'd normally stay home a day or two after that. Lucky, those happen once in a few months only.

I kind of learned to detect a big meltdown coming so I'd take some Klonopin and I'd leave work early to prevent it from happening at work. It works most of the time. Few other times I simply found an empty office and locked myself in for a while. Sometimes it's a false alarm. Also, since it's usually work related, leaving sometimes helped me stop it altogether or at least delay it until I'm safety of my room and then I can cry all I want.

Strangely though I no longer get typical panic attacks.


I used to get panic attacks but that was during and just after my drinking days. In my early 20s I took to alcohol to help me socialise. It took the edge off my anxiety but my social skills were still lacking some. For example on one drinking day I decided I wanted to know what to look for when it comes to being able to read if a man finds me attractive, so I decided to walk around the pub asking random men if they found me attractive and looking at what there body language was doing at the time. Unfortunately I asked the wrong person, not realising he had a girlfriend (although I was not making a pass at him, I was merely asking out of curiosity as part of my research) and the next thing I know is I had a fist in my face. Well that shocked me sufficiently enough to cause me to leave immediately lol.

Now I was only 24 at the time but still, I do laugh when therapists think my social skills will improve once they get rid of my social anxiety lolololol. I can assure them I was too drunk to be socially anxious and still I get it horribly wrong lol.

I also had no idea how to show my interest in a man so in those days I would just walk up to them, kiss them with tongue on the lips and ask them for their phone number...oddly that actually worked though!

What we will do though, is forget the time I was walking around by a river bank in the middle of the night with a person that I was dating at the time and I decided it was a good time to strip naked because I wanted to feel the cool air against my skin..lets say it was a bit much for him to handle because it was a public place, even though no one else was around at the time.

Anyway I finally stopped drinking as it was not really helping me at all (*ahem*) but it did leave me with a panic disorder for a while (especially when I got withdrawal symptoms). After a year or so the typical panic attacks stopped though and I have not had one of those now for years, although I still get anxiety.

PN I have not consumed alcohol in over 11 years now.



Last edited by bumble on 01 Dec 2011, 11:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

Radiofixr
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01 Dec 2011, 11:36 am

Sometimes when I have a meltdown and get so overwhelmed I have a shutdown afterwards where no one can talk to me or get a response.


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AdamDZ
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01 Dec 2011, 11:44 am

Funny how I discoverer so many familiarities with people on this forum. I used to drink to socialize but it wasn't working for me either. I also had hard time telling if a girl was finding me attractive and I basically had three girlfriends in all my life, and every time it was the girl that initiated the relationship, made the first move, not including several short attempts that didn't work past one or two dates. Two of them become my wives. The first one lasted 2 years.

I haven't gotten drunk in over 15 years. But I sometimes have a couple of beers, by myself, while playing a computer game or just browsing the net. But no hard liquor. I just don't like getting drunk. It makes me feel horrible and I like to be in control of my actions.

Radiofixr wrote:
Sometimes when I have a meltdown and get so overwhelmed I have a shutdown afterwards where no one can talk to me or get a response.


Yup, same here.



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01 Dec 2011, 11:49 am

As far as I know, my mother was NT, but she had what seem to have been meltdowns - those adult tantrums. When I say she had anger issues, this is a lot of what I'm talking about. I grew up feeling on edge, not knowing when she'd explode. She had both brief mini explosions and big, landscape destroying sessions that would end in her crying herself to sleep, then coming back to us as if everything were fine and nothing had happened. The most likely, or predictable, meltdowns occurred on the holidays, but they happened at plenty of other times, too.

I've had mini explosions very privately at home, and I've had more major implosions similar to my mother's explosions. I just have a very different personality and a very different experience of what it seems others will tolerate from me, so, where she directed things outward, I went inward instead. The most outward I've gotten towards another person has been to turn red, right out to my ear tips, and speak with my voice sounding very low to me. I feel locked into this mode when it happens, and I communicate only in very simple words to express my anger, because it can sometimes be hard to speak at all.

I've had feelings of being distraught or sad that have been equivalent. The most destructive thing I've done is to damage my own minor property, such as when I was a kid and would tear up drawings I'd made, or, on rare occasions, cause myself minor, superficial bodily injury. I don't do anything major, nor have or would I ever damage something belonging to someone else or strike out at another person physically for no reason other than my feelings. I would defend myself if I thought it were necessary to my physical safety, that's all. I don't even like to be verbally mean to anyone, and I feel really bad if anything like that ever slips out, even a little.

I've had shutdowns, too. To me, they're like facing a blank wall in my mind. The stuck gears metaphor also works for me. Yes, that's how it feels. It can happen when I feel confronted with something that surprises me, when there's too much sensory overload, when I feel overwhelmed by circumstances or too many things to deal with, and in some other situations. I can get both minor shutdowns and major ones.

I also can get lengths of melancholy, anxiety, and the like, which are different from meltdowns and shutdowns.


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bumble
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01 Dec 2011, 11:49 am

I did once ask my mother how one knows if the opposite sex finds them attractive, but she just replied with "well you just know, you sense it".

Oh great, thank you mother, that really helps lol.



AdamDZ
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01 Dec 2011, 12:06 pm

bumble wrote:
I did once ask my mother how one knows if the opposite sex finds them attractive, but she just replied with "well you just know, you sense it".

Oh great, thank you mother, that really helps lol.


Someone needs to come up with some kind of detector we could carry around :D

MindWithoutWalls wrote:
As far as I know, my mother was NT, but she had what seem to have been meltdowns - those adult tantrums....


My mom did too, it was like complete hysteria, throwing things around, etc. I don't think she has AS, although she has some traits, but I think she had some issues with anxiety or something else all her life, perhaps that could lead to those outbursts. Besides, I was thinking: what if very few people are actually 100% NT? What if there is no such thing as NT at all? When I look back at my life and people I knew/know it seems everyone displayed some signs of emotional or mental issues at least from time to time.



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02 Dec 2011, 3:26 pm

I think my mother's meltdowns were partly out of her ongoing frustration with both me and my father; the two of us being, I believe, undiagnosed Aspies. If we'd all known what the situation was, I think my mother's marriage to my father, as well as her relationship with me, might've been much different.

As it was, she worked hard on herself for years, to develop self-control. I admired her for this, as it seemed she came a long way. Also, she got a lot better after she and my father split up. By then, I was an adult, and she and I got along a lot better. I think all the work I did to improve myself also helped in that regard.


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02 Dec 2011, 3:32 pm

I view it as a shutdown is when I lock up and can't do things. I lose functionality. I lose the ability to do things. These include multi-hour and multi-day events. These include losing the ability to speak. These include losing the ability to move at all.

A meltdown is when I lose control and lash out. Instead of not being able to speak or more I have no control over what I'm saying or doing. Quite a few people start self injuring in these, I'm glad that I don't. In these I'm sobbing uncontrollably, sometimes screaming at others, sometimes talking about how worthless I am, sometimes all but yelling at myself. I might kick furniture or throw pillows without these being purposeful actions. These tend to be shorter than the longest shutdowns, but can be multi-hour as well.

As a whole, shutdown is locking up and losing the ability to do things, while a meltdown is breaking down and losing control.

Both can be incredibly unpleasant.