ntchick
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 20, 2008
Posts: 51
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 Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:02 am Post subject: Hell is Other People |
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I have to say that I get very frustrated when other people think my AS guy isn't a very good person
because he says something socially/politically/ideologically inappropriate at a party.
Anyone with ideas about how to handle that sort of situation? I'm stumped, because these are close friends of close friends and I would really love to know what to do. |
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Vince
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 698
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:17 am Post subject: |
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You could try saying something to the effect of this: "Judge not. I for one quite appreciate having a feller who's honest."
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I'm Vince. I make the music. And puppet.
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ntchick
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 20, 2008
Posts: 51
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:46 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you =)
*I* know that, but without giving too much away (it's not my place to tell them about his AS) it's hard to explain to them. |
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Vince
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 698
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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| ntchick wrote: | Thank you =)
*I* know that, but without giving too much away (it's not my place to tell them about his AS) it's hard to explain to them. |
Sometimes words like "honesty", if applicable, can convey enough information without getting into the neurology of it.
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I'm Vince. I make the music. And puppet.
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shartora
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 17, 2012
Posts: 75
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| Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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| ntchick wrote: | Thank you =)
*I* know that, but without giving too much away (it's not my place to tell them about his AS) it's hard to explain to them. |
Ask your fella if you CAN give away the game, so to speak. Things ought to become much easier, depending on what type of people they are.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 146 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 69 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
So the neurologist was correct. |
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Thom_Fuleri
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2010
Posts: 802
Location: Leicestershire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:15 pm Post subject: Re: Hell is Other People |
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| ntchick wrote: | I have to say that I get very frustrated when other people think my AS guy isn't a very good person
because he says something socially/politically/ideologically inappropriate at a party.
Anyone with ideas about how to handle that sort of situation? I'm stumped, because these are close friends of close friends and I would really love to know what to do. |
I'd be tempted to tell them to get stuffed. But long term, you might want to set up a private signal for your honest chap to let him know when he's gone too far. That way you can attempt to make a joke out of anything that went a bit wrong.
I like the idea of being thought of as honest. Even now I still find it very hard to lie to people, though I've grown quite good at telling the truth in a way that other people misinterpret. |
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Fnord
Enigmatic Threadkilling Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 17886
Location: Stendec
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Vince wrote: | | You could try saying something to the effect of this: "Judge not. I for one quite appreciate having a feller who's honest." |
Easier: "At least he's honest!" |
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MrXxx
Moderator/Enigmatus Paradoxius
Joined: May 12, 2010
Posts: 5678
Location: New England
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| Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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Not sure of the best way to say this, but when people are judgmental of me toward my wife, or toward me of her, IMHO, they are judging both of us.
When people judge him, they are judging you because you choose to be with him. If you can figure out a way to get that point across to them without being offensive, I'm sure they'll overlook a hell of a lot more than they now do.
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MrXxx is taking a long sabbatical, and no longer moderating. |
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Rhiannon0828
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2011
Age: 44
Posts: 434
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| Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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You could tell them " We both have violent allergies to PC sugar coating." Honestly, people who get all bent out of shape because someone's opinions are different than theirs don't deserve too much consideration anyway, and if these people are masquerading as friends, they're not, and if they're not, screw what they think.
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Heidi80
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 05, 2011
Age: 33
Posts: 507
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 5:49 am Post subject: |
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| I agree with the posters talking about honesty. It's the judgemental people who are the problem, not your guy |
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BuyerBeware
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 29, 2011
Age: 35
Posts: 1038
Location: PA, USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Rhiannon0828 wrote: | | You could tell them " We both have violent allergies to PC sugar coating." Honestly, people who get all bent out of shape because someone's opinions are different than theirs don't deserve too much consideration anyway, and if these people are masquerading as friends, they're not, and if they're not, screw what they think. |
Quote that. Verbatim.
AS is considered a disorder. But it's the societal code that's pathological if you ask me.
Of course, I have a disorder. So my opinion doesn't count.
**must import upside-down smiley**
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I'm tired. I do not have sufficient strength remaining to persevere in the face of adversity. I accept myself as broken and conformity/compliance as the only acceptable existence. I give up.
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Invader
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 17, 2010
Age: 29
Posts: 458
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 11:06 am Post subject: |
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I don't know why you would want to protect a friendship with people who value political correctness over honesty.
They are the worst kind of people. |
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NicoleG
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Age: 36
Posts: 661
Location: Dallas-Fort Worth
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| Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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I've had times when I have said something that I stood by, sometimes to the point that I had to defend what I said. I didn't care if the other person was offended. Those people may think I'm a mean person, and that's fine by me. I could choose to do this all the time, but I risk alienating people that I would prefer to remain as friends, so I don't behave this way all the time. I had to learn the difference between tact and honesty.
I've had other times when I have said something that offended someone, and I personally felt bad because it was not my intention to offend them. My willingness to apologize and/or make amends should alleviate them thinking I'm a mean person because I was thoughtless about my words, but it's up to them to decide to exonerate me. It's on me to fix it and make it better and learn from my mistake, or choose to defend what I said as mentioned above and live with how the other person views me.
That second paragraph, though, used to be pretty tough for me. I actually had to ask someone else how to handle the situation after the person got upset, and I was told to apologize. This was something that I had to explicitly learn. (Mind you, I was able to at least tell when the other person was offended in the first place - I just didn't know how to handle it.) Your man may not be aware of when he is offending someone, he may or may not care that he has offended someone or that he is coming off as mean, and if he does care, he may not know how to handle the situation. I suggest you find out from him how he would like you to be involved. |
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