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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:11 am    Post subject: Asperger's/Autism Love Success Stories (Sticky) Reply with quote

The forums are full of people with problems so I decided to make this thread so that people can look around here for patterns that led to success or if you're married in a relationship please write down your stories here that led to success. EVERYONE on earth finds dating and marriage hard. If you have autism though you are at a disadvantage. Dating with Aspies and autists is significantly different with NTs since autistic traits are unfortunately a turnoff.










KEY POINTS AND STRATEGIES (summary of Tony Atwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (LongTerm Relationships Chapter)
The male partner with Aspergerís syndrome:
į Many women describe their first impression of their partner, who at
this stage may not have had a diagnosis, as someone who is kind,
attentive and slightly immature: the highly desirable Ďhandsome and
silent strangerí.
į There can be a strong maternal compassion for the personís limited
social abilities.
į The attractiveness of a man with Aspergerís syndrome as a partner can
be enhanced by his intellectual abilities, career prospects and degree of
attention to his partner during courtship.
į The partner with Aspergerís syndrome is usually a late developer in
terms of emotional and relationship maturity.
į Many women have described how their partner with Aspergerís
syndrome resembled their father.
į Men with Aspergerís syndrome are often less concerned about their
partnerís physique than other men, and also less concerned about age or
cultural differences.
ē While men with Aspergerís syndrome tend to seek a partner who can
compensate for their difficulties in daily life Ė that is, someone from the
other end of the continuum of social and emotional abilities Ė women
with Aspergerís syndrome often seek a partner with a personality similar
to themselves.

Problems in the relationship:

į The courtship may not provide an indication of the problems that can
develop later in the relationship.
į The initial optimism that the partner with Aspergerís syndrome will
gradually change and become more emotionally mature and socially
skilled can dissolve into despair that social skills are static due to
limited motivation to be more sociable.
į The most common problem for the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner is
feeling lonely.
į The non-Aspergerís syndrome partner often suffers affection
deprivation which can be a contributory factor to low self-esteem and
depression.

The person with Aspergerís syndrome may express his or her love in
more practical terms than through gestures of affection.

į A metaphor for the need and capacity for affection is that typical people
have a bucket that needs to be filled, whereas people with Aspergerís
syndrome have a cup that is quickly filled to capacity.
ē Successful strategies to overcome difficulties:
į Clinical and counselling experience suggests that there are three
requisites for a successful relationship. The first is that both partners
acknowledge the diagnosis. The second requisite is motivation for both
partners to change and learn. The third is access to relationship
counselling modified to accommodate the profile of abilities and
experiences of the partner with Aspergerís syndrome.
į There are strategies to assist the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner,
namely to develop a network of friends to reduce the sense of isolation
and re-experience the enjoyment of social occasions.
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Aharon
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is really good stuff. I find marriage very challenging and am seeking ways to improve my relationship and communication with my wife. If you have any more I'm sure many would love to read it! Thanks!
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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aharon wrote:
This is really good stuff. I find marriage very challenging and am seeking ways to improve my relationship and communication with my wife. If you have any more I'm sure many would love to read it! Thanks!

Thanks. Surprised
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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:09 am    Post subject: From Dr. Tony Attwood Reply with quote

From Dr. Tony Attwood's Research on people With Asperger's (excerpts from his book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome")


Long-term Relationships
Many of those who do marry show tensions and problems in their marriage.
Ė Hans Asperger ((1944) 1991)

A man or a woman with Aspergerís syndrome can develop intimate personal relationships and become a life-long partner. For such a relationship to begin, both parties would have initially found the other person to be attractive. What are the characteristics that someone would find attractive in a person with Aspergerís syndrome?

Choice of Partner

From my clinical experience, and the research of maxine aston (2003), men with Aspergerís syndrome have several positive attributes for a prospective partner. The first meeting may be through a shared interest such as the care of animals, similar religious beliefs or studying the same course. Many women describe their first impression of their partner, who at this stage may not have had a diagnosis, as someone who is kind, attentive and slightly immature: the highly desirable Ďhandsome and silent strangerí. Children with aspergerís syndrome are often perceived as having angelic faces, and as adults may have symmetrical facial features that are aesthetically appealing. The person may be more handsome than previous partners and considered a good Ďcatchí in terms of looks, especially if the woman has doubts regarding her own self-esteem and physical attractiveness. The lack of social and conversational skills can lead to his being perceived as the Ďsilent strangerí, whose social abilities will be unlocked and transformed by a partner who is an expert on empathy and socializing. There can be a strong maternal compassion for the personís limited social abilities, with a belief that his social confusion and lack of social confidence were due to his circumstances as a child, and can be repaired over time. Love will change everything.



The attractiveness of a man with Aspergerís syndrome as a partner can be enhanced by his intellectual abilities, career prospects and degree of attention to his partner during courtship. The devotion can be very flattering, though others might perceive the adulation as bordering on obsessive. The hobby or special interest can initially be perceived as endearing and Ďtypical of boys and mení. The person with Aspergerís syndrome may have an appealing ĎPeter Paní quality.

Men with Aspergerís syndrome can also be admired for speaking their mind, having a sense of social justice and strong moral convictions. They are often described as having Ďold-worldí values, and being less motivated than other men for physically intimate activities, or for spending time with male friends. The man with Aspergerís syndrome appears to have a Ďfeminineí, rather than Ďmachoí quality Ė the ideal partner for the modern woman. The man with Aspergerís syndrome is usually a late developer in terms of emotional and relationship maturity, and this could be his first serious relationship, while his same-age peers have had several long-term relationships already. There is therefore the advantage of no previous relationship Ďbaggageí. Many women have described to me how their partner with Aspergerís syndrome resembled their father. Having a parent with Aspergerís syndrome may contribute towards determining the type of person you choose to become your partner.

When men with Aspergerís syndrome are asked what was initially appealing about their partner, they often describe one physical quality, such as hair, or specific personality characteristics, especially being maternal in looking after (or already having) children, or caring for injured animals. Men with Aspergerís syndrome are often less concerned about their partnerís physique than other men, and also less concerned about age or cultural differences.


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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sometimes the person with Aspergerís syndrome appears to have created a mental Ďjob descriptioní for a prospective partner, searching for a suitable Ďapplicantí that can compensate for recognized difficulties in life. Once a candidate has been found, that person is pursued with determination that can be hard to resist. One of the Ďjob requirementsí is having advanced social and maternal abilities. Thus, an attractive partner will be someone who is at the opposite end of the empathy and social understanding continuum.

People with Aspergerís syndrome may also know they need a partner who can act as an executive secretary to help with organizational problems, and continue many of the emotional support functions provided by their mother when they were living at home. Men with Aspergerís syndrome often elicit strong maternal feelings in women, and know that is what they need in a partner. They also usually seek someone who has strong moral values, who, once married, is likely to be dedicated to making the relationship succeed. What is it that typical men find attractive in a woman with Aspergerís syndrome? The characteristics can be similar to the characteristics women find appealing in a man with Aspergerís syndrome. The womanís social immaturity and naÔvety can be appealing to men who have natural paternal and compassionate qualities. There can be the obvious physical attractiveness and admirable talents and abilities. The sometimes emotionally aloof personality may be reminiscent of the manís mother; and there can be the shared enjoyment of common interests and appreciation of the initial degree of adulation.


While men with Aspergerís syndrome tend to seek a partner who can compensate for their difficulties in daily life Ė that is, someone from the other end of the continuum of social and emotional abilities Ėwomen with Aspergerís syndrome often seek a partner with a personality similar to themselves. They feel more comfortable with someone who does not have a great social life and does not seek frequent physical intimacy. As both partners have similar characteristics and expectations, the relationship can be successful and enduring.

Unfortunately, people with Aspergerís syndrome may not be very good at identifying the Ďpredatorsí in life, and some women with Aspergerís syndrome have not been wise in their choice of partner. They have become the victim of relationship predators and suffered various forms of abuse. Thewoman with Aspergerís syndrome may initially feel sorry for the man, much as she would for a stray dog, but is unable to extricate herself from a history of being attractive to and attracted by disreputable characters. Having low self-esteem can also affect the choice of partner for a woman with Aspergerís syndrome. Deborah explained in an e-mail to me: ĎI set my expectations very low and as a result gravitated toward abusive people. I cannot stress the importance of recognizing how important self esteem is to an autistic adult.í


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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

PROBLEMS IN THE RELATIONSHIP

The courtship may not provide an indication of the problems that can develop later in the relationship. The person with Aspergerís syndrome may have developed a superficial expertise in romance and dating from careful observation, and by mimicking actors and using the script from television programmes and films. Some partners have explained that they never saw the real person before they were married, and after their wedding day, the person abandoned the persona that was previously so attractive. As one woman said, ĎHe had won the prize and didnít have to pretend any more.í

There are many potential problems in the relationship. Often, what was endearing at the start later becomes a problem. The initial optimism that the partner with Aspergerís syndrome will gradually change and become more emotionally mature and socially skilled can dissolve into despair that social skills are static due to limited motivation to be more sociable. This can be due to the intellectual effort needed to socialize, subsequent exhaustion, and a fear of making a social mistake. Joint social contact with friends can slowly diminish. The partner with Aspergerís syndrome does not want or need the same degree of social contact they enjoyed as a couple when they were courting. The non-Asperger syndrome partner may reluctantly agree to reduce the frequency and duration of social contact with family, friends and colleagues for the sake of the relationship. They gradually absorb the characteristics of Aspergerís syndrome into their own personality.

The most common problem for the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner is feeling lonely. The partner with Aspergerís syndrome can be content with his or her own company for long periods of time. Although the couple are living together, conversations may be few, and primarily involve the exchange of information rather than an enjoyment of each otherís company, experiences and shared opinions. As a man with Aspergerís syndrome said, ĎMy pleasure doesnít come from an emotional or interpersonal exchange.í

In a typical relationship, there is the expectation of regular expressions of love and affection. Chris, a married man with Aspergerís syndrome, explained that: I have an enormous difficulty with the verbal expression of affection. It is not just a case of feeling embarrassed or self-conscious with it. I understand that this may be difficult for anyone else to understand, but it takes a great deal of effort of will to tell my wife how I feel about her. (Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002, p.89) His wife added her comments to her husbandís infrequent words and gestures that communicate feelings of love:
Chris told me once that he loved me. I have since discovered that it is not necessary for the person with AS to repeat these small intimacies that are frequently part of a relationship; the fact has been stated once, and that is enough. (Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002, p.99)

For the person with Aspergerís syndrome, the frequent reiteration of the obvious or known facts is illogical.

The non-Aspergerís syndrome partner suffers affection deprivation which can be a contributory factor to lowself-esteem and depression. The typical partner is metaphorically a rose trying to blossom in an affection desert (Long 2003). The partner with Aspergerís syndrome wants to be a friend and a lover but has little idea of how to do either (Jacobs 2006).

A recent survey of women who have a partner with Aspergerís syndrome included the question ĎDoes your partner love you?í and 50 per cent replied, ĎI donít knowí (Jacobs 2006). What was missing in the relationship were daily words and gestures of affection, tangible expressions of love. People with Aspergerís syndrome have difficulties with the communication of emotions, and this includes love (see Chapter 6).When a partner said to her husband with Aspergerís syndrome, ĎYou never show you care,í he replied, ĎWell, I fixed the fence, didnít I?í The person with Aspergerís syndrome may express his or her love in more practical terms; or, to change a quotation from Star Trek (Spock, examining an extra-terrestrial: ĎItís life, Jim, but not aswe know ití) in Aspergerís syndrome, it is love, but not as we know it. A metaphor for the need and capacity for affection can be that typical people have a bucket that needs to be filled, whereas people with Aspergerís syndrome have a cup that is quickly filled to capacity. The person with Aspergerís syndrome may not express sufficient affection to meet the needs of his or her partner. However, I have known of relationships where the partner with Aspergerís syndrome expresses affection too frequently, though this may be more as an aspect of severe anxiety and need for maternal reassurance. As a man with Aspergerís syndrome said: ĎWe feel and show affection but not enough and at the wrong intensity.í The person with Aspergerís syndrome can be overly detached or attached.

During times of personal distress, when empathy and words and gestures of affection would be expected as an emotional restorative, the typical partner may be left alone to Ďget over ití. I have noted that this is not a callous act; the partner with Aspergerís syndrome is probably very kind, but in his or her mind, the most effective emotional restorative is solitude. They often describe how a hug is perceived as an uncomfortable squeeze and does not automatically make them feel better. Indeed, the comment from the typical partner can be that hugging a partner with Aspergerís syndrome is like Ďhugging a piece of woodí. The person does not relax and enjoy such close proximity and touch.

Being alone is often the main emotional recovery mechanism for people with Aspergerís syndrome, and they may assume that is also the case for their partner. They may also not know how to respond, or fear making the situation worse. I observed a situation where a husband with Aspergerís syndrome was sitting next to his wife, who was in tears. He remained still and did not offer any words or gestures of affection. Later, when I discussed this situation with him, and asked if he noticed that his wife was crying, he replied, ĎYes, but I didnít want to do the wrong thing.í

There may be issues associated with sexual intimacy. The person with Aspergerís syndrome may not by nature be a romantic person who understands the value in a relationship of an amorous atmosphere, foreplay and close physical contact. Ron, a man with Aspergerís syndrome, said, ĎIntimacy means for me being invaded or overwhelmed. I experienced none of the proverbial sexual chemistry with anyone.í There can also be sensory experiences during moments of sexual intimacy that are perceived as unpleasant by the person with Aspergerís syndrome, affecting the enjoyment of both partners.

Knowledge on sexuality may also be limited, or the source material of concern. Men with Aspergerís syndrome may consider pornography as an authoritative guide book for sexual activities, and women with Aspergerís syndrome may have used television Ďsoap operasí as a guide to the script and actions in intimate relationships. Non-Aspergerís syndrome partners may also have difficulty having a romantic and passionate relationship with someone they often have to Ďmotherí, and who may have the emotional maturity of an adolescent.


Sexuality can become a special interest in terms of acquiring information and an interest in sexual diversity and activities. The desire for sexual activities and sexual intimacy can be excessive, almost compulsive. However, the partner of a man or woman with Aspergerís syndrome is more likely to be concerned about the lack of sexual desire rather than an excess. The partner with Aspergerís syndrome may become asexual once he or she has children or once the couple have formally committed themselves to the relationship. In a relationship counselling session, the partner of a man with Aspergerís syndrome was visibly distressed when announcing to me that she and her husband had not had sex for over a year. Her husband, who has Aspergerís syndrome, appeared to be confused and said to her, ĎWhywould youwant sex when we have enough children?í

There are other problems. In modern western society we have tended to replace the word husband or wife with the word partner. This is a reflection of changing attitudes towards relationships. Women today are justifiably no longer content with their partner just being the provider of the income for the family. They expect their partner to share the work load at home, for domestic chores and caring for the children, and to be their best friend in terms of conversation, sharing experiences and emotional support. Sharing, and being a best friend, are not attributes that are easy for the person with
Aspergerís syndrome to achieve. There can be problems with the ability of the person with Aspergerís syndrome to manage anxiety, and this can affect the relationship. The partner can become very controlling, and life for the whole family is based around rigid routines. Partners with Aspergerís syndrome can impose their pronouncements without consultation with their typical partner,who resents being excluded from major decisions, such as relocation or a change of career. For those adults with Aspergerís syndrome who continue to have problems with executive function (see Chapter 9), the typical partner often has to take the responsibility for the family finances, budgeting and resolving the organizational and interpersonal problems that have developed in the partnerís work situation. This adds to the stress and responsibility of the typical partner.


In any relationship, there will inevitably be areas of disagreement and conflict. Unfortunately, people with Aspergerís syndrome can have a history of limited ability to manage conflict successfully. They may have a limited range of options and may not be skilled in the art of negotiation, accepting alternative perspectives or agreeing to compromise. There can be an inability to accept even partial responsibility. Partners complain, Ďit is never his faultí, ĎI always get the blameí and ĎIím always criticized, Iím never encouragedí. There can be concerns about verbal abuse, especially as a response to
perceived criticism, with an apparent inability to show remorse and to forgive and forget. This can be due to a difficulty with understanding the thoughts, feelings and perspectives of others, a central characteristic of Aspergerís syndrome. The person with Aspergerís syndrome may also have problems with anger management that further complicate
the relationship.

A recent survey of the mental and physical health of couples where the male partner has Aspergerís syndrome, a diagnosis not shared by the female partner, indicated that the relationship has very different health effects for each partner (Aston 2003). Most men with Aspergerís syndrome felt that their mental and physical health had significantly improved due to the relationship. They stated that they felt less stressed and would much prefer to be in the relationship than alone. They had achieved an inner satisfaction with the relationship. In contrast, the overwhelming majority of non-Aspergerís syndrome partners stated that their mental health had significantly deteriorated due to the relationship. They felt emotionally exhausted and neglected, and many reported signs of a clinical depression. A majority of respondents in the survey also stated that the relationship had contributed to deterioration in physical health.

Thus, the relationship was considered as contributing to improved mental and physical health by the majority of partners with Aspergerís syndrome, but the reverse for the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner. This explains the perception of many partners with Aspergerís syndrome that the relationship is just fine, and they cannot understand why their relationship skills are criticized. The relationship is just fine for their needs, while their partner feels more like a housekeeper, accountant and mother figure.


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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

STRATEGIES TO STRENGTHEN THE RELATIONSHIP
I have provided relationship counselling to coupleswhere one partner has a diagnosis of Aspergerís syndrome, and I have great respect for the ability of the non-Aspergerís syndrome partners to commit themselves to the relationship. Among their many attributes are belief in their partner, remaining faithful to the relationship, intuition that he or she Ďcanítí rather than Ďwonítí, and an ability to imagine and have compassion for what it must be like to have Aspergerís syndrome.

Clinical and counselling experience suggests that there are three requisites for a successful relationship (Aston 2003). The first is that both partners acknowledge the diagnosis. The non-Aspergerís syndrome partners may be the first of the two to accomplish this and no longer feel self-blame or insane. Their circumstances are finally validated and eventually understood by family and friends. They also tend to feel better able to cope on a day-to-day basis. However, acknowledging the diagnosis can be the end of hope that their partner will naturally improve his or her relationship skills.

The acceptance of the diagnosis for those with Aspergerís syndrome is important in enabling them to recognize their relationship strengths and weaknesses. There can be the dawn of realization of how their behaviour and attitudes affect their partners, and a greater sense of cooperation between the partners in identifying changes to improve the relationship and mutual understanding. The second requisite is motivation for both partners to change and learn. There is usually more motivation for change from the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner, who may already have a more flexible attitude to change and a foundation of considerable relationship skills. The third requisite is access to relationship counselling, modified to accommodate the profile of abilities of the partner with Aspergerís syndrome, and a willingness to implement suggestions from specialists in Aspergerís syndrome, the relevant literature and support groups.

Many couples who attend conventional relationship counselling have found that the standard relationship therapy is less likely to be successful when one of the partners has Aspergerís syndrome.
The relationship counsellor needs to be knowledgeable in Aspergerís syndrome and to modify counselling techniques to accommodate the specific problems people with Aspergerís syndrome have with empathy, self-insight and selfdisclosure, the communication of emotions and previous relationship experiences. We now have self-help literature on relationships written by couples with one partner who has Aspergerís syndrome, and by specialists in Aspergerís syndrome (Aston
2003; Edmonds and Worton 2005; Jacobs 2006; Lawson 2005; Rodman 2003;
Slater-Walker and Slater-Walker 2002; Stanford 2003).

It is important to remember that my descriptions of relationship difficulties and support strategies are based on my experience of relationship counselling of adults who did not benefit from a diagnosis in early childhood and subsequent guidance throughout childhood in the development of friendship and relationship abilities. Such individuals have spent a lifetime knowing they are different, and developing camouflaging and compensatory mechanisms that may contribute to some social success at a superficial level but can be detrimental to an intimate relationship with a partner. I suspect that the new generation of children and adolescents who have the advantage of a diagnosis and greater understanding of Aspergerís syndrome by themselves, relatives and friends are more likely to have a successful long-term relationship that is mutually satisfying.

While the partner with Aspergerís syndrome will benefit from guidance and encouragement in improving relationship skills, there are strategies to assist the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner.

Once the diagnosis has been accepted by the family, there can be greater emotional support from close family members and friends. It is important that the person develops a network of friends to reduce the sense of isolation, and learns to re-experience the enjoyment of social occasions, perhaps without the presence of the partner with Aspergerís syndrome. It is important that he or she does not feel guilty that the partner is not there. There are considerable relationship advantages in the non-Aspergerís syndrome partner having a special friend who has an intuitive ability to repair emotions, and can become a soul mate to provide empathy. An occasional escape or holiday with friends can also provide an opportunity to regain confidence in social abilities and rapport. A positive attitude is also of paramount importance. As one partner said, ĎWhen life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.í

~End of Excerpt from Dr. Tony Attwood''s The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome
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Chooty
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I disagree with the idea that people with asperger are less attentive/affectionate. Maybe in general it's true, but I am by a miles lead the more affectionate partner in my relationship, very flirty & attentive.

I guess succes start by aiming for the right person, something that could help a lot o people who are struggeling.
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Luska
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chooty wrote:
I disagree with the idea that people with asperger are less attentive/affectionate. Maybe in general it's true, but I am by a miles lead the more affectionate partner in my relationship, very flirty & attentive.

I guess succes start by aiming for the right person, something that could help a lot o people who are struggeling.


That's not what he meant but from the perspective of the NON asperger's partner it looks like that.

Quote:
The non-Aspergerís syndrome partner suffers affection deprivation which can be a contributory factor to lowself-esteem and depression. The typical partner is metaphorically a rose trying to blossom in an affection desert (Long 2003). The partner with Aspergerís syndrome wants to be a friend and a lover but has little idea of how to do either (Jacobs 2006)
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mv
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I glanced the page and got totally demotivated.
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
A recent survey of the mental and physical health of couples where the male partner has Aspergerís syndrome, a diagnosis not shared by the female partner, indicated that the relationship has very different health effects for each partner (Aston 2003). Most men with Aspergerís syndrome felt that their mental and physical health had significantly
improved due to the relationship. They stated that they felt less stressed and would much prefer to be in the relationship than alone. They had achieved an inner satisfaction with the relationship. In contrast, the overwhelming majority of non-Aspergerís syndrome partners stated that their mental health had significantly deteriorated due to the relationship. They felt emotionally exhausted and neglected, and many reported signs of a clinical depression. A majority of respondents in the survey also stated that the relationship had contributed to deterioration in physical health.


This describes my experience perfectly, it's the main reason I have decided that it's essentially immoral for me to even attempt a relationship with anyone.
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The_Face_of_Boo
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So we conclude that male aspies are mental-sanity vampires?
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

mv wrote:
I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.

that chapter is mostly based on maxine astons research, she is the one who invented 'cassandra affective disorder' where an aspie causes mental illness in their NT partner. http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/
She is not a Dr and only has a psyhology degree, msc and counseling diploma and is an ex wife of an aspie. Most books on aspergers mainly reference her in their relationship chapters, giving them all a negative slant. This is because there is a dearth of research on aspie relationships and so hers is used, despite not being qualified to do research and not being peer reviewed. I think this is a great shame, and hopefully as time goes on more research will be done on aspie relationships and hers will not be the main material used for chapters anymore.

That whole chapter is horrible and says really nasty stuff about aspies as parents, which has bad implications/effects for court custody and social services (such as saying the NT is a 'natural' parenting expert and should have custody and children often hate their aspie parent).
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 9:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The-Raven wrote:
mv wrote:
I also disagree a bit with Attwood. Firstly, there's almost nothing on women with Aspergers and what little there is, is hopelessly pigeonholed. For example, I have a very healthy sex drive, even post-children. Also, I may be naive in some respects, but I'm very worldly in others.

that chapter is mostly based on maxine astons research, she is the one who invented 'cassandra affective disorder' where an aspie causes mental illness in their NT partner. http://www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/
She is not a Dr and only has a psyhology degree, msc and counseling diploma and is an ex wife of an aspie. Most books on aspergers mainly reference her in their relationship chapters, giving them all a negative slant. This is because there is a dearth of research on aspie relationships and so hers is used, despite not being qualified to do research and not being peer reviewed. I think this is a great shame, and hopefully as time goes on more research will be done on aspie relationships and hers will not be the main material used for chapters anymore.

That whole chapter is horrible and says really nasty stuff about aspies as parents, which has bad implications/effects for court custody and social services (such as saying the NT is a 'natural' parenting expert and should have custody and children often hate their aspie parent).


Ahhhh, this puts things into a proper context. Thanks so much!
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