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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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 Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 7:58 am Post subject: Colleagues Laughing |
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There is a picnic coming up and my office colleagues are going for the same
they havent invited me since they dont want me to be part of the group because i am dull and boring
But today when they were discussing things like taking a train and going i asked them are they going in local train
so they started laughing and saying you are such a dumbo of course we will be going by local train
then again i asked them keys to a particular locked room they again started laughing and making fun of me
They pick up very minute and tiny particulars and laugh out loud, what seemed serious questions to me felt like
stupid talk to them.
Does this happen with others also.........i feel very hurt 
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goodwitchy
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Posts: 785
Location: Interplanetary
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:18 am Post subject: |
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They sound like a bunch of jerks.
Is one of them your manager, or are these peers? If you're in a work situation where your peers are jerks, there's really only one person to make an extra effort to impress and focus on - and that is your direct manager. If there is a hierarchy at your work place with multiple levels of management, focus on your direct manager and the manager above that person.
I avoid mixing social situations and work people. I realized after being a manager that it's extremely difficult to make friends with people I work with. It can get sticky if you do get promoted - then the people you are over feel like they can take advantage of the situation.
I decided a decade ago that I'm not going to make an effort to make friends at work (which is okay with me, and it's much easier for me to deal with all interactions with this in mind). I do my best to treat everyone neutrally the same - I always offer to help if I can, and I try to smile.
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Aspie score: 161 of 200
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 38 of 200
Autistic/BAP -123 aloof, 124 rigid and 108 pragmatic
Autism Spectrum quotient: 41, Empathy Quotient: 19
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xkandakex
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 13, 2012
Posts: 53
Location: Michiana
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:24 am Post subject: |
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Where the heck do you work at?!
They sound like a bunch of a-holes, seriously. I thought some of the people I work with were jerks but at least they have the decency to make fun of me when I'm not around! LOL!
Seriously though, if this is how they treat you, then stand up for yourself. I know this is something difficult to do and is easier said than done. But the next time one of them laughs at you and calls you dumbo, look him in the eye and say,
"Why are you always such a jerk to me? Just answer my question and if you don't have something nice to say, then shut up."
Tip: eye contact is very important when confronting bullies. They're like animals. Staring them in the eye establishes dominance. |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:37 am Post subject: |
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Wow, I have problems with socializing in a work place situation but I haven't had people being blatantly rude to me and laugh to my face although I'm sure they probably did when I wasn't around. That's not acceptable behaviour. You're really strong to be able to put up with that, if that were me I'd probably be having anxiety attacks and I probably would have walked out and quit. I don't know how bad work is for you but if you want to stay there, good for you and hold your head up high and do your work, your boss will see what a good worker you are and when you get the promotion they wont be laughing then. Or if you want you could start looking for another job because you definitely don't deserve to be treated that way by your co-workers, I wouldn't hold it against you. Another thing that you can do is tell your boss but all you'd be doing is getting your co-workers mad at you and they would probably act more mean.
Whatever you choose to do, don't give up and stay strong, things will work out for you in the end! |
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:39 am Post subject: |
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| xkandakex wrote: | Where the heck do you work at?!
They sound like a bunch of a-holes, seriously. I thought some of the people I work with were jerks but at least they have the decency to make fun of me when I'm not around! LOL!
Seriously though, if this is how they treat you, then stand up for yourself. I know this is something difficult to do and is easier said than done. But the next time one of them laughs at you and calls you dumbo, look him in the eye and say,
"Why are you always such a jerk to me? Just answer my question and if you don't have something nice to say, then shut up."
Tip: eye contact is very important when confronting bullies. They're like animals. Staring them in the eye establishes dominance. |
That's another good thing to do and which will probably get you more respect from your co-workers....just stick up for yourself. They might just leave you alone after that. |
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TheDarkMage
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 21, 2012
Posts: 418
Location: united kingdom
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:48 am Post subject: |
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you also need to remember that they are probably a bunch of simpletons.
i never understand what fun people like that get out of doing those things. simple minds are easily amused
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Uprising
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 10, 2012
Posts: 2920
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:51 am Post subject: |
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| Sounds like the type of people that always need "someone" to take the piss out off. Right now, you're their current victim, when you are gone, someone else will become their next. They need someone to release their suppressed anger upon without getting a backstab. Whether they're NT and you're aspie doesn't matter the slightest in these cases. Consider yourself lucky you aren't invited. |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:58 am Post subject: |
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| goodwitchy wrote: | They sound like a bunch of jerks.
Is one of them your manager, or are these peers? If you're in a work situation where your peers are jerks, there's really only one person to make an extra effort to impress and focus on - and that is your direct manager. If there is a hierarchy at your work place with multiple levels of management, focus on your direct manager and the manager above that person.
I avoid mixing social situations and work people. I realized after being a manager that it's extremely difficult to make friends with people I work with. It can get sticky if you do get promoted - then the people you are over feel like they can take advantage of the situation.
I decided a decade ago that I'm not going to make an effort to make friends at work (which is okay with me, and it's much easier for me to deal with all interactions with this in mind). I do my best to treat everyone neutrally the same - I always offer to help if I can, and I try to smile. |
no they are just peers. the supervisor is good friends with this people since i am quite i am not able to impress the supervisor but the manager seems ok with me.
i think its better not to mix social situations with work people and if they are already laughing on my face now they would probably laughing more when at a social situation like picnic etc.
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:00 am Post subject: |
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| xkandakex wrote: | Where the heck do you work at?!
They sound like a bunch of a-holes, seriously. I thought some of the people I work with were jerks but at least they have the decency to make fun of me when I'm not around! LOL!
Seriously though, if this is how they treat you, then stand up for yourself. I know this is something difficult to do and is easier said than done. But the next time one of them laughs at you and calls you dumbo, look him in the eye and say,
"Why are you always such a jerk to me? Just answer my question and if you don't have something nice to say, then shut up."
Tip: eye contact is very important when confronting bullies. They're like animals. Staring them in the eye establishes dominance. |
Already i dont have any friends at that place they are just acquaintance and if i rebuke or say such things they will completely avoid me atleast now they are talking with me sometimes or giving a bite of their tiffins sometimes.
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:05 am Post subject: |
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| lostgirl1986 wrote: | Wow, I have problems with socializing in a work place situation but I haven't had people being blatantly rude to me and laugh to my face although I'm sure they probably did when I wasn't around. That's not acceptable behaviour. You're really strong to be able to put up with that, if that were me I'd probably be having anxiety attacks and I probably would have walked out and quit. I don't know how bad work is for you but if you want to stay there, good for you and hold your head up high and do your work, your boss will see what a good worker you are and when you get the promotion they wont be laughing then. Or if you want you could start looking for another job because you definitely don't deserve to be treated that way by your co-workers, I wouldn't hold it against you. Another thing that you can do is tell your boss but all you'd be doing is getting your co-workers mad at you and they would probably act more mean.
Whatever you choose to do, don't give up and stay strong, things will work out for you in the end! |
I have faced this situation at all the places i worked before and for 3 years i was just sitting at home doing nothing due to my fear of social situations.
I am also having anxiety attack and feeling really low and depressed. I was thinking of switching over to contract position in the current workplace also i was thinking of meeting with a psychologist or counsellor for teaching me social behaviour.
Whatever you choose to do, don't give up and stay strong, things will work out for you in the end
which end are you talking about i feel the solution will be only after death when this pain stops
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:09 am Post subject: |
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| TheDarkMage wrote: | you also need to remember that they are probably a bunch of simpletons.
i never understand what fun people like that get out of doing those things. simple minds are easily amused |
They were sitting in the same bus i was travelling and they wanted to while away sometime they were trying to call up a friend who wasnt answering their phone so i suggested that they could drop at my place which is on the way but they kept declining like all others no one visits my place as if I am some demon who will swallow them down 
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:13 am Post subject: |
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| Uprising wrote: | | Consider yourself lucky you aren't invited. |
The manager had called up and asked me to tell them to practice for some song, dance etc for the overnight picnic
when i passed them the message to prepare for some song or dance and i was waiting around one of them asked me to leave.
so i said OK i will now leave since there was no point sitting and observing their practice sessions.
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OliveOilMom
Queen of cans and jars
Joined: Nov 12, 2011
Posts: 6775
Location: Living in Faulkner's nightmare
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:17 am Post subject: |
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They could be laughing at you, or they could be doing that "good natured, slightly insulting sounding teasing but in a friendly way" that NT's tend to do a lot.
I never have figured out how to tell the difference between the two.
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Frances
What if Jessie's girl was Stacy's mom and her number was 867-5309? |
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namaste
Enigmatic Charismatically Odd
Joined: Apr 15, 2011
Posts: 1841
Location: Hindustan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:20 am Post subject: |
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should i consider taking this test from some counsellor......i am seriously depressed with the situations happening
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_skills#In_behavior_therapy
this sounds like a good description
To behaviorists, social skills are learned behavior that allow people to achieve social reinforcement[2]. According to Schneider & Bryne (1985), who conducted a meta-analysis of social skills training procedures (51 studies), operant conditioning procedures for training social skills had the largest effect size, followed by modeling, coaching, and social cognitive techniques.[3] Behavior analysts prefer to use the term behavioral skills to social skills.[4] Behavioral skills training to build social and other skills is used with a variety of populations including in packages to treat addictions as in the community reinforcement and family training approach.[5] Training of behavioral skills is also used for people who suffer from borderline personality disorder,[6] depression,[7] and developmental disabilities.[8][9] Typically behaviorists try to develop what are considered cusp skills,[10] which are critical skills to open access to a variety of environments.
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lostgirl1986
There's a party in my head.
Joined: Feb 29, 2012
Age: 26
Posts: 6250
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:24 am Post subject: |
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| namaste wrote: | | lostgirl1986 wrote: | Wow, I have problems with socializing in a work place situation but I haven't had people being blatantly rude to me and laugh to my face although I'm sure they probably did when I wasn't around. That's not acceptable behaviour. You're really strong to be able to put up with that, if that were me I'd probably be having anxiety attacks and I probably would have walked out and quit. I don't know how bad work is for you but if you want to stay there, good for you and hold your head up high and do your work, your boss will see what a good worker you are and when you get the promotion they wont be laughing then. Or if you want you could start looking for another job because you definitely don't deserve to be treated that way by your co-workers, I wouldn't hold it against you. Another thing that you can do is tell your boss but all you'd be doing is getting your co-workers mad at you and they would probably act more mean.
Whatever you choose to do, don't give up and stay strong, things will work out for you in the end! |
I have faced this situation at all the places i worked before and for 3 years i was just sitting at home doing nothing due to my fear of social situations.
I am also having anxiety attack and feeling really low and depressed. I was thinking of switching over to contract position in the current workplace also i was thinking of meeting with a psychologist or counsellor for teaching me social behaviour.
Whatever you choose to do, don't give up and stay strong, things will work out for you in the end
which end are you talking about i feel the solution will be only after death when this pain stops |
I don't think that I've ever worked at a place where I didn't have co-workers talk to me behind my back. I haven't ever gotten fired from a job but I've quit all of the jobs that I have worked at due to building anxiety. I think that talking to a therapist about social behaviour is an excellent thing to do before you decide to leave this job. It might give you tips and it would be nice to be able to talk to somebody about this problem. You could also look for a job where you don't have to interact with too many people, possibly some kind of night job doing inventory or something like that. Right now I'm actually switching over fields because I work in child care and I get way over-stimulated, exausted and anxious with the job I do right now not to mention I have a hard time multi-tasking and fitting my emotions with certain situations. I want to tone it down a bit with working with people so I'm switching to Library Information Tech, it's a bit less people oriented and I love reading and organizing things. You wont find too many jobs where you don't have to work with people but there are jobs out there that allow you to deal less with people or you could possibly find a job where you can work from home. |
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