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A serious question here, please help.
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jamieevren1210
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:49 am    Post subject: A serious question here, please help. Reply with quote

I don't know about my gender. I'm biologically female but I feel like both/neither male and female. I act tomboyish, so people assume I'm lesbian while I'm (I don't know if this is possible) both asexual and bisexual. I do hate all of my female physical features except for my face, though. But I do not want any of the male features except for six packs. Very Happy
My mom is totally strong on me to act feminine, and boy, is she homophobic. I get into serious arguments with her regarding this issue.
What do you call this? Do you have a name for this?
Is there anyone here with the same problem? I'm really confused.

PS. Girls do flirt with me. In fact, I have a huge fan base in the school made up of fangirls...not unlike some kpop and jpop idols. This also sort of confuses me, too.
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gailryder17
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this is called genderqueer. I'm semi-comfy in my girl body, but I always wondered what advantages males might have (physically).
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questor
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:48 pm    Post subject: Gender? Reply with quote

Based on your description, you are an asexual tomboy, not a lesbian. You should be able to calm your mother down some, once you explain to her that you are just a tomboy, not a lesbian. It doesn't matter what anyone else of any gender, and of any gender affiliation wants to believe of you. All that matters is what you feel and believe of yourself. YOU get to decide your gender and your affiliation. No one else has the right to make that choice for you. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who will try to pressure you into accommodating THEIR desires, even if it doesn't fit who you are. It's up to you to stand up to that kind of pressure.

I am a bit of a tomboy myself. I don't mind if other women want to wear dresses, skirts, high heels, and make-up, but I don't care for them, so I never do. I am terrible in sports, and have little interest in them, but I am interested in some other male dominated type interests. I did like making stuff with Lego when I was growing up, and that's more of a guy thing. There are several other guy things I am interested in, too. I am not a lesbian, just a bit of a tomboy. I would call myself asexual, as I am not interested in having relationships with either gender. I don't force this choice on others, I just live it myself. When I was in my teens, twenties, and thirties, I did have to put up with elderly female relatives pestering me about "when are you going to get a boyfriend, when are you going to get married." I was never interested and never pursued romance. I prefer being solo. Once I was in my late thirties-early forties, the old biddies stopped asking about my love life. Of course a lot of them had passed away by then, but the ones who were left had finally grasped that I was getting too old to marry and have kids.

I think your mom just wants you to have as normal a life as possible, because she wants you to fit in better, and because many people believe that people who are "Married, with children", are happier than people who are not, and your mom wants you to be happy. So don't stress out about this. Just tell her you are a tomboy, not a butch. That should help some. Smile
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Chronos
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:55 pm    Post subject: Re: A serious question here, please help. Reply with quote

jamieevren1210 wrote:
I don't know about my gender. I'm biologically female but I feel like both/neither male and female. I act tomboyish, so people assume I'm lesbian while I'm (I don't know if this is possible) both asexual and bisexual. I do hate all of my female physical features except for my face, though. But I do not want any of the male features except for six packs. Very Happy
My mom is totally strong on me to act feminine, and boy, is she homophobic. I get into serious arguments with her regarding this issue.
What do you call this? Do you have a name for this?
Is there anyone here with the same problem? I'm really confused.

PS. Girls do flirt with me. In fact, I have a huge fan base in the school made up of fangirls...not unlike some kpop and jpop idols. This also sort of confuses me, too.


I think you have to understand that there is biological gender and then there is societal gender. It can be difficult to find the line between the two, however, here is a list of societal gender elements in western society. Some of them might be a bit dated.

For girls:
Pink, dolls, dresses, jewelry, playing house, being polite...always, playing house, knitting, sewing and cooking as non-occupational responsibilities or interests.

For boys:
Blue, trucks, tools, being strong physically and emotionally, short hair, sports.

But if a girl should like society sanctioned "boy" things and if a boy should like society sanctioned "girl" things, I don't think that indicates that they were born the wrong sex.

Shouldn't it be ok to be a person before a gender?
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jamieevren1210
Sherlock Holmes has Asperger's hands down
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you all for the replies, it really cleared things up a bit for me Wink
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