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red_dragonfly
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:14 pm Post subject: Long term relationship and sexual frequency changes? |
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Hi - I'm new here. BF is self diagnosed. I have many Aspie tendencies, but not as much as him. We're both in our early 30s.
We've been together for about 2 years now (I'm his longest relationship). My problem is that we used to have sex at least couple of times a week, and now we're only having it maybe once a month. Other aspects of our relationship are fine, but this is really causing me to re-evaluate the potential for continuing our long term commitment. My BF no longer even has interest in masturbation, which frustrates him because he's always had a high desire for sex and masturbation until the last 6 months or so.
To complicate things, and probably part of the problem, is that he is renovating a home in another city and living half time there and half time here. He's probably about 6 months out from finishing that project. BF also works from home in IT and has been overextended in that project for the last 6 months (it also has been messing with his sleep cycles as he's on call every few weeks). He anticipates the work schedule ramping down by late summer.
In your experience should his desire come somewhat back when the stress has diminished? I understand that with so many projects he doesn't have the head space to think about me sexually right now. I want to wait and let him work through his stress, but at the same time I'm afraid that this is what his desire level will be from now on. |
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psychegots
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 04, 2011
Posts: 338
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| Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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It probably is just stress but you should rule out a medical explanation....
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Check out my new AS blog: www.norwayaspie.blogspot.com/ |
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DJFester
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 06, 2009
Posts: 960
Location: Minneapolis MN USA
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| Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:51 am Post subject: |
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Could it be possible that he is taking some sort of medication (e.g. anti-depressants) that may be affecting his libido?
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You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks. |
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Looneytunes
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 22, 2012
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Wed May 09, 2012 3:20 pm Post subject: Re: Long term relationship and sexual frequency changes? |
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| red_dragonfly wrote: | Hi - I'm new here. BF is self diagnosed. I have many Aspie tendencies, but not as much as him. We're both in our early 30s.
We've been together for about 2 years now (I'm his longest relationship). My problem is that we used to have sex at least couple of times a week, and now we're only having it maybe once a month. Other aspects of our relationship are fine, but this is really causing me to re-evaluate the potential for continuing our long term commitment. My BF no longer even has interest in masturbation, which frustrates him because he's always had a high desire for sex and masturbation until the last 6 months or so.
To complicate things, and probably part of the problem, is that he is renovating a home in another city and living half time there and half time here. He's probably about 6 months out from finishing that project. BF also works from home in IT and has been overextended in that project for the last 6 months (it also has been messing with his sleep cycles as he's on call every few weeks). He anticipates the work schedule ramping down by late summer.
In your experience should his desire come somewhat back when the stress has diminished? I understand that with so many projects he doesn't have the head space to think about me sexually right now. I want to wait and let him work through his stress, but at the same time I'm afraid that this is what his desire level will be from now on. |
Maybe he is just not interested in you anymore and he doesn't know how to tell you without hurting your feelings.
Or maybe he found someone else to do the nasty with and that is why he isn't as interested in you.
Or maybe you did something to him which hurt him enough that he is not attracted to you anymore...
You seem to be placing a lot of importance in sex.
In the long run - sex is just a minor reason for being together.
Maybe you have not matured enough to realize that.
I think that in a relationship, a person has to be your friend first and a lover second.
You can always go without sex - but if you are not friends, it will never work.
Most people jump into the sack way too soon and after they have sex a couple of times, it gets interesting to say the least.
I sometimes feel pressured when it comes to relationships with people that I hardly know - who wants to have sex with me for casual reasons. LOOKS is the worst reason to have sex.
They look good to me - hence I would like to have sex with them.
You never hear a woman say - I was attracted to him because he was nice.
Then when they get crapped on - they start crying and asking - what is wrong with me! Why did HE do this to ME! |
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