Feeling Lost

Barefoot_Boy · Raven Joined: Mar 28, 2012 Age: 19 Posts: 124

Hello, I've only been a member here for less than a month. I joined for the reason of wanting to be around other people like me with Asperger's. My cousin recommended the site. I have tried to get into the site, but still feel a bit like an outsider. I think I will fit in here ok. In life I feel like I'm trying to find myself. I'm still young though. I realize that. But there are things I am struggling with that I may get into from time to time here.

I don't socialize much at all because I don't fit in. I can't keep many friendships going the way others around me do. I have come to the internet to find much of the socializing I need. For some reason it is easier to socialize and make friendships online for me. I suppose that is part of autism.

Now I am frustrated and feeling lost. Before joining this site I belonged to two other online forums. The first one I joined was once popular, but has now faded to just a handful of members. But that was ok because I also lost interest in that site. But recently something happened. The second site I belonged to consisted of several members I had become very close to. I never knew their names except for their online forum names. I have logged into that site on a regular basis and chatted with these dear friends of mine from around the world. When I tried to log in recently, it says the domain has expired. It's like the site is now gone. All of those friendships I had have diminished with the site's folding. I cannot find those people because I only knew them by the names we used on that site. I have belonged to that site for several years. And now it's gone. The one place that I had a social life is gone. I am lost without it. My cousin says there are many members here that seemingly live here. Can you imagine if the Wrong Planet was all of a sudden gone? What would you do? Think of the members you would miss. This has happened to me with this other site. My best friends were the ones I had there. My best friends have been removed from my life. I don't know how to find them.

This evening I've been listening to piano music by David Syme and crying during the moving pieces he plays. It's my way of saying goodbye to those people I knew. Now I must move on somehow. Perhaps I'll meet people here to become friends with. I need something. It's funny how when something is taken from you, you have that tremendous open void. What do I do with the time I usually spent on that site? I've been drawing some on the tattoo I've made up my mind to get soon. Maybe that is something good that will come out of this. I feel like those friends have died and I am burying them. I may never chat with them again. I had written stories for the forums on that site, and they are gone too as I didn't save them. Thanks for listening.
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"BLESSINGS on thee, little man,
Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan!"

John Greenleaf Whittier