kt24
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 06, 2011
Age: 27
Posts: 154
Location: a world of my own
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 Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:07 am Post subject: So I told my parents... |
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It's a year now since I was first diagnosed with AS.
The other day I told my parents about it, and the reaction was really strange. They were totally skeptical of my having AS, and said they didn't think I fitted the criteria. The thing is, it's like a list describing what I am like- I just think that maybe they cannot accept it.
They were really negative, saying that they didn't like the way people are being "labelled" and "put into boxes", being given labels of conditions like ASDs and ADHD. They both seem to have a bit of a problem with psychologists and the like.
So, absolutely no support whatsoever from them- strange as I expected that they would be far more supportive. I feel really disappointed that I didn't get a better response.
The other thing is that it took me almost the whole year to tell them about it. And now I don't know whether I did the right thing in telling them, as it has made me feel really confused. It's good not to stress about hiding it any more, but dealing with that reaction is hard.
Will give it time for it to sink in...
My brother and sister have been so much more supportive- they just accepted it straight away, and asked what they could do to help me.
When you told family, what was their response?
_________________
AS, depression, GAD, Social Anxiety, Selective mutism, endometriosis, chronic fatigue syndrome/ME ...what fun!
How am I still going? |
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Wandering_Stranger
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Posts: 1137
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:18 am Post subject: |
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| Mum knows I'm being tested and said nothing really. Well, apart from "can't do that time. Change it please". |
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zooguy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 11, 2012
Posts: 56
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:22 am Post subject: |
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| I have not told mine and I am 60 - it is simply impossible for NTs to comprehend anything about us - we live in a nother world - a better world to me - we maybe weird but but we are we |
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65536
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 191
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:23 am Post subject: |
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My mother accepted it (she has been interviewed by psychologists who diagnosed me), my sis has trouble accepting it, there was a classic trolltalk about autism:
- "but I you could play with some children"
- "but we played together"
- "it was just because you've been left playing alone"
- "but you're intelligent"
- "I didn't mean X calling you 'not normal'/criticizing that you played with Y at age Z/etc."
- "everyone is a little autistic"
- "but you're great person"
- "but you seem normal to me"
Then I saw a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fTBM_3sdwE and laughed hard, because I heard some of that sh** directly from my sis (see the list above)  .
BTW, my mom has a few significant AS traits. |
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pastafarian
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 20, 2011
Posts: 543
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:12 am Post subject: Re: So I told my parents... |
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| kt24 wrote: | It's a year now since I was first diagnosed with AS.
They were totally skeptical of my having AS, and said they didn't think I fitted the criteria. The thing is, it's like a list describing what I am like- I just think that maybe they cannot accept it.
They were really negative, saying that they didn't like the way people are being "labelled" and "put into boxes", being given labels of conditions like ASDs and ADHD. They both seem to have a bit of a problem with psychologists and the like.
So, absolutely no support whatsoever from them- strange as I expected that they would be far more supportive. I feel really disappointed that I didn't get a better response.
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Is it really their first response that counts? Are they usually loving and supportive? Isn't the main thing how they are every day from now on that matters, not at the exact moment they have a load of new information which they don't yet get?
Think of some of your responses at times, when you have just not yet understood information. Everyone makes mistakes and gets confused. They might have experiences with psychologists which you dont know so much about, that has led them to be skeptical.
My brother told me his wife had been diagnosed with Aspergers. I already thought I knew something about AS. I actually said "No, I dont think so". It was days later I realised how it all fitted and what an arsehole thing to say it was. Sometimes we all just need time to figure stuff out. Its our actions and love for others over time that counts. I have a very good track record of loving kindness, but I'm quite capable of getting as confused as your parents may be. You have thought about it inside out, give them a chance to see how much sense it makes. |
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Moridin8
Raven
Joined: Apr 01, 2012
Age: 35
Posts: 112
Location: Nowhere good, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:53 am Post subject: |
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This was an interesting one for me too. I had to introduce the issue slowly. Both my parents knew I had depression issues, and i introduced it to them as something that was being investigated as a potential reason why I've been depressed for so long. I approached my mother first, as she was the most open minded about it... especially as there is autistism in her family line (one of my cousins for example). She took it pretty well, and even helped with the final diagnosis. My father however was more difficult... but thanks to the cartoon by Greenturtal74 and a lot of research materials to hand, I was able to explain the issue to him. Although he initially didn't believe it, after a week we had another conversation and he said that after some serious thinking, he now see's that the diagnosis is very likely correct and we then went on to talk about it.
So maybe some education and time will help your parents come to terms with the reality.
Now... the difficult one for me is trying to explain it to my Sister, because in the past she thought she may be AS, and while I do see some traits there, knowing what I do now I think she is more of a borderline case than she used to make out. You would think that she would be open to it though huh? well... since her son is so obviously AS and I think she knows it... she has been very quiet about it as a subject and has gone very quiet around me on the issue since our mother told her it was something that was being looked into as part of my depression issue. There is a little more going on than I am mentioning here that complicates it all too (not saying too much... but her husband is part of the complication). It will certainly be an interesting moment when I talk to her about it finally.
_________________
Aspie score: 143 of 200 NT score: 54 of 200
AQ: 42 EIQ: 52 IQ: 142
MBTI: INTJ ('Mastermind')
Autistic/BAP : 118 aloof, 90 rigid and 83 pragmatic
EQSQ: 16/87 Extreme Systemizing |
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Moonhawk
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 08, 2012
Age: 21
Posts: 1596
Location: Hidden :o
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:23 am Post subject: |
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| Well my dad went all cavemen about and with that i mean he refuses to even acknowledge Autism or any form of it in general, he kept sticking with the ''he's just insecure'' excuse, i'm very glad that my parents are divorced because i wouldn't have been able to deal with that, my diagnose is pdd-nos and well first my mom was quite shocked when they told her, because she didn't know what it was and neither did i, so her first reaction was, is that a disease? But my mom been extremely supportive in everything i do, even when i tried to go to school again and had to drop out, to be honest she's probably the best mom i could have, and my grandmother was very skeptical, and my sister was still little when we were told, and my grandfather was quite different himself, and my uncle died 3 years earlier so uhm thats about my whole family, but so far everyone i've mostly told has been very supportive even when they have certain opinions about psychologists etc. |
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mrspotatohead
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 05, 2012
Posts: 160
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:31 am Post subject: |
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| If people don't like being labelled so much, then why do they go around telling people they're an "engineer" or a "teacher"? Or a "male" or a "female"? Hmm.... |
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Trainbuff
Sea Gull
Joined: Feb 13, 2011
Posts: 235
Location: New York City
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:49 am Post subject: |
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A school psychologist told my mother I might have it.
My parents don't believe I have it which is incredibility frustrating. Words cannot describe how much it pisses me off that they don't believe I have it and expect it to travel though life as a NT. |
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trinket
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 09, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 132
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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my family blatinly refuses to believe, but I suspect it's more to do with my sister being mental ill. they want me to be "normal" so that's all they're ever going to think
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http://winnieservicedog.blogspot.com/
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VeggieGirl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 02, 2011
Posts: 126
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:38 pm Post subject: |
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My dad asked some questions, like, "Is that why you ______?" (described a few behaviors of mine from childhood.) Then, a few months later, I mentioned it again, and he seemed to have forgotten the whole conversation and said he didn't know what AS was. He is supportive of me in general, though we don't talk about it on a regular basis.
I told my mother a few weeks ago. It completely made sense to her, and she was really supportive. She was like, "You've been like that since you were three years old!" It was a very validating conversation.
I'm sorry your conversation didn't go as well. Hopefully they will become more supportive over time. |
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jetbuilder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 24, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 743
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 1:09 pm Post subject: |
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I told my mom about a month ago that I'm pretty sure I have AS. She was pretty supportive but I could kind of tell that she didn't quite agree. (A school counsoler suggested i may have ADD ehen i was in third grade. Mom totally disagreed.) She kept saying that everyone has these feelings ( AS symptoms) every now and then. I went into more detail about my problems in the next email and she started to see what I was talking about. She said that if I think I have AS I SHOULD get tested.
I haven't talked to my dad about it yet. We're exactly alikd and it's really hard for me to talk about this kinda stuff so it'd be REALLY weird talking to him about it. I haven't told either of my brothers yet either, but I don't think it'd be too hard to talk to them about it.
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“Standing on the fringes of life... offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.”
---- Stephen Chbosky
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Frankie_J
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 27, 2011
Posts: 156
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 1:52 pm Post subject: |
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I'm going through a rough time regarding my possible AS and my parents. I don't think they quite understand. They use words like "overcome" and "there's nothing wrong with you really" and "but autistic people don't make eye contact ever" and other sh*t like that. They THINK they're being supportive, when really they're not and it's quite an upsetting time.
I think when it's THEIR kid... it's a lot more difficult for them to think of their child as having an 'abnormality' and often discredit and dismiss any problems their child has. Just because they're you're parents they think they know best about you, when really YOU'RE the one who knows best about you because there's lots of things they never see (or sometimes refuse to see) about you. I think the best thing to do is find a very calm way of helping your parents learn not to be so ignorant. I am, for example, thinking of writing a letter to my mum (because talking about it won't convey what I want to say and may also start an argument) pointing out what I want her to understand and so on. |
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biribiri20
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Age: 22
Posts: 131
Location: New York
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:02 pm Post subject: |
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I've finally decided to get my AS formally diagnosed if not later this year then next, but my parents are a completely different story. I have yet to even tell them about my ADHD diagnosis and now, I doubt I will tell them about this one either. I just feel they wouldn't understand, and I'm old enough to get my life into perspective without their consent anyway. I know that's not the case for others still dependent on their parents though, sadly.
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I like making friends! Even if I'm not the best at it ^^;
Diagnosis: ADHD-PI, suspected AS
Your Aspie Score: 142 of 200, Your NT Score: 74 of 200, You are very likely an Aspie
AQ: 38/EQ: 16/SQ: 52
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felinesaresuperior
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 25, 2011
Posts: 448
Location: israel
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| Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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i'll never tell my parents, because it's so important to them i follow the herd. all my life i've been told to follow the herd and be exactly like everyone else and if everyone else jumps from the window i was expected to follow their example. my parents were furious with me for my aspie traits so i didnt tell them.
i told my nieces, brother and sister in law. my older niece, age twenty, said she suspected it for a few years, after reading "the curious incident of the dog in the nightime hour". she even asked me a few times if i have it and i said "i didnt say it". my middle niece, age eighteen and a half, got a bit upset for reasons i cant understand. she says i dont even know if i have it or not so i shouldnt say i act so and so because of it. my brother says he doesnt believe i have it. |
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