JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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 Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 2:46 pm Post subject: |
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Imaptience is one hell of a demon. Might be best to find other things to keep you busy so you are making time for the relationship you want to have, instead of making it the only thing that fills your time.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14835
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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It sounds kind of normal. Dating IMHO is about as fun as getting your teeth drilled. Meeting someone for dinner, nervously broaching canned questions back and forth across the table, feeling like you jumped into a timewarp back to 1920  .
If you hate the process perhaps just hang back, work on things for a while, and come back to it when you feel like you've got the endurance for the grind work. It could just be that you're tapped out on motivation for the time being. I think that can happen to pretty much anyone. |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26049
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel like this. I don't meet any women on my own so it's kind of difficult. I feel somewhat repressed, as though I'm not living a full life, and am mainly left to my porn. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2548
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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lol okay, okay! Not a lot to say really, except practice some restraint on messaging, communications until you become more patient.
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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blueroses
restless, but going nowhere
Joined: Feb 11, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 1599
Location: Lancaster, PA
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| Posted: Thu May 03, 2012 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | Not a lot to say really, except practice some restraint on messaging, communications until you become more patient. |
This. If someone seems like they are backing off after a first date, I think you need to follow their lead and feel the situation out. Otherwise, you really run the risk of making them uncomfortable and encouraging them to back off completely. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| It must have been the time and place, but when I was growing up, nobody ever went on a "date". That was seen as archaic and overly formal. |
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mike_br
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 23, 2012
Posts: 202
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:01 am Post subject: |
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I´m the contrary.
I like to court and date. I've learned the dance (but not to dance), although I'm a bit shy.
Sadly, I lose interest very fast after that happens.
And I dislike being denied my personal space and absolute control of my own time.
In my defense, I never make fasle promisses.
So... there. |
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 5:08 am Post subject: |
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| AspieRogue wrote: | | mike_br wrote: | I´m the contrary.
I like to court and date. I've learned the dance (but not to dance), although I'm a bit shy.
Sadly, I lose interest very fast after that happens.
And I dislike being denied my personal space and absolute control of my own time.
In my defense, I never make fasle promisses.
So... there. |
So don't date. Problem solved. |
Not really as that may cause some amount of stress.
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Sora: "My friends are my power."
Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me." |
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26049
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 9:43 am Post subject: |
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| AspieRogue wrote: | | So don't date. Problem solved. |
He might want to get his end away. Or he might not. |
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bookworm773
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 22, 2012
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Fri May 04, 2012 10:13 am Post subject: |
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On a first date, it works best to be formal enough to show respect and to show the other person that their boundaries will be respected. Think "very gentle nudge" versus "push." If they sense impatience on your part, it will reverse every positive feeling they had during correspondence, and replace them with feelings of distrust and lack of safety.
This is especially true of women, as one in about three will be date raped at some point. Pushy and impatient equals DANGER to women.
Post date- ONE text or email the next day, stating that you had a nice time and would love the opportunity to do it again is ENOUGH. Then let it sit for a few days before calling to arrange a second date.
This is not game playing. Consider that people who are dating have presumably been on their own for a bit. It takes a period of adjustment to go from spending time alone, to having the phone ring regularly. And for God's sake, do not start calling daily (or more) if you do not immediately get a call back. S/he may have been coached to wait a day or two to call back so as not to appear too eager. If, during that time, she gets 10 calls from you, she will go from eagerly anticipating your next conversation to fearing a stalker situation.
In some circles of relationship psychology, over-eager behavior is linked to an anxious attachment style and is seen as a subconscious form of self-sabotage. For those who actually want to maintain their distance but feel conflicted by wanting a relationship, this is an easy way to guarantee that initial infatuation will never progress to a full fledged relationship, yet can be blamed on the reluctance of the partner rather than oneself. ("I tried, but *they* walked away...")
Try to take baby steps. Also it might be worth
considering that courtship can set the tempo for the rest of the relationship. If you lay it on thick at the outset, and then back off, this reversal will be seen by your partner as a rejection. However, if you start slow and steady, your partner will be conditioned to expect THAT pace, and in the coming months, a need for space will be seen as normal instead of as a retraction of affection. Does that make sense?
Good luck. If now is not the right time for a relationship, there is no harm in that either. We all have different "seasons" when it comes to our needs for solitude versus togetherness. You are entitled to your own flow! |
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